Meeting with Shar

The next day, I drag myself out of bed. I'm still searching for the words to tell Shar. I still love her, but deep down I know I can't continue living like this. My doubts follow me throughout my day, sneaking into my mind when I should be focusing on my lectures. The worst part is I couldn't tell anyone about what I'm feeling. Most of my male friends would probably call me a pussy for turning down all the 'free pussy'. At the end of the day, I realized I have to face my problem head-on, even if it leads to a head-on collision.

At the end of my day, Shar sends me a text. 'r u free rn?'

'yeah can we meet at my dorm??'

'sure. cant wait to hear about last night'

'right. c u then babe'

'c u love u'

I take a deep sigh before putting my phone back in my pocket and marching off to my inevitable fate. When I enter my building, I find Dave at the desk, playing with his phone.

"You okay dude?" Dave asks.

His concerned tone was the last thing I need to hear. I guess I look on the outside how I feel on the inside. In spite of this, I flash a smile and reply with "Oh yeah. Just a lot on my mind right now. College and all."

"Cool. Hey, Shar was here a few minutes ago. She's probably in your room. Oh and uh, try to keep it down, yeah?"

"I'll uh... do my best. Thanks."

With that, I head off, my already low confidence sinking even lower. Still, I doubt Dave can help me all that much. He'd probably think I'm crazy, or ask me to send all the extra girls his way. Either way, I approach my room and take in one last deep breath before opening the door and entering. Inside, I find Shar sitting on the edge of the bed. I expect her to spring to her feet and hug me, but instead, she cocks her head to the side and asks "You okay Andrew?"

"Uh... no."

"Oh. What's wrong?" Her voice sinks to a tone of concern.

"Could we talk?" I say.

Befuddlement falls onto Shar's face. "Sure."

I sit down next to Shar and remain silent for a second as my mind searches for the words.

"What is it Andrew?"

"It's Rosa... Well, it's not just Rosa, it's us... I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure I wanna do this whole... other women thing."

"Uh, could you explain?"

"I... I didn't do anything with Rosa last night. I-I... I just don't think I like being pimped out."

Immediately, Shar wraps her arm around me. "Aww. Don't be like that."

"But I just... I don't know. I just feel used, I guess."

"Oh Andrew... I'm sorry, okay?" Shar kisses my cheek. "I'm just excited I guess. I know it's weird wanting you to be with others, but... I just do."

"I mean... I'm not trying to shame you. I just don't wanna be doing this all the time."

"That's okay Andrew. I know I kinda pushed you into the deep end. I'm just excited you know? Most guys just, freak out over the idea of an open relationship."

"Right... I mean I'm not against it, I just wanna like... I don't need it all the time, you know?"

Shar nods. "That's fair. How about we put a pause to the cunnilingus thing for now?"

"Okay."

Shar puts her hand on my thigh. "Then we can go from there, okay?"

"That sounds like a plan."

She then kisses my cheek. "I love you Andrew."

I turn to Shar and say "I love you too."

She leans in for a kiss which I accept, locking lips with her as I pull her in. As we wrestle tongues, I feel a wave of relief wash over me, telling me that this really was going to work out. All the doubts and fears I had suddenly flood out of my mind. At the end of the day, we love each other, and it'll all work out, no matter what.

Once our lips separate, Shar says "How about we spend a night together, just you and me?"

"That... sounds great Shar."