Lois & Blaze read "Something They Will All Regret" by TheLeherengin, Part 1

There is a space, between the pages. The infinite world of possibilities between the clicks of the mouse. The no-place where characters live when they aren't on screen or on the page, and where they go again once the website is closed, the book shut.

Where a dark-haired woman, in an oversized t-shirt long enough to serve as a nightgown, sat at a table and sipped her tea as she scrolled through a tablet. Across from her, dressed in a sheer black slip that left little to the imagination, was a tall, lanky figure with blood-red skin, dark horns that curled up from her broad forehead, and pure white eyes without pupil or iris.

"You really don't want to fuck, Lois?" The scarlet succubus said.

"The comments are full of people that complain too many of our reviews are more about the sex than the review, Blaze," the human woman said. "So let's read through this one together."

The demon frowned. She picked up one of the marked cubes at the center of the table and made a face.

"What's with the knucklebones?" Blaze asked. "Some divination tool?"

"They're dice. You know what dice are. The Romans had them, and you're older than that, you terrible twat," Lois said. "And they're for the game."

Blaze let a die skitter across the tabletop. "Who pissed in your tea?"

"You did. Six chapters ago," Lois said, with an edge of acid to her voice. "Now then, 'Something They Will All Regret' by TheLeherengin is a very long branch off of 'Monster Isekai' by Crazyjacky. So TheLeherengin's first chapter is a nigh incomprehensible selection of character choices that he rolled or selected according to that first, primeval chapter."

"Riveting," Blaze said.

"So Truck-kun has claimed another victim, and random generic protagonist has been reborn as a creature of terrible darkness and might," Lois summarized an entire chapter breathily. Blaze sighed and stood up. The demon picked up her chair and moved both it and herself around the table, so that she could set her pointed red chin on the reporter's shoulder and read the tablet along with her.

"A sex scene in the first proper story chapter," Blaze noted. "Bold choice. Do these stats actually mean anything? It feels like this should be game mode, but it's all...what is that word you use...LitRPG?"

"It is that," Lois said. "And it goes for the throat, I suppose. There's about zero time for the protagonist to learn the rules of the game or adjust their morality. Less than five hundred words after they incarnate they have their dick wet, and by are attacking the local castle."

"Not to be a dick, but there's a certain style missing, isn't there?" Blaze said around chapter 6. "I mean, we're back in Generic Kitchensink Fantasy World, and there's plenty of writing—none of those 100-word chapters that some people fluff out a big story with—but at the same time it has all the charm and romance of an intercity train ride. It's reasonably competent, but, and I can't believe I'm saying this, even the bits about cocks going into cunts isn't that titillating. And I'll defile you if you breath too loudly in your sleep, what with those sexy cocksucking lips of yours."

"I suspect the issue is that we're thrown straight into this narrative and the protagonist has zero adaptation issues, and ruthlessly overpowers everyone with no challenge or resistance," Lois said. "The women are your bog standard anime waifu stereotypes with elastic O-ring orifices. Perky tits and tight holes without much personality. Basically interchangeable cockwarmers. Granted, not many people like to read about ugly women having great sex, but when there's not much difference between your disposable cooze, it feels...generic."

"The end-chapter questions don't really help much, either," Blaze noted. "Hell, most of them aren't even questions. They might as well say 'Chapter VII: Show and Tell,' or 'Chapter IX: Your Ass is Doomed!'"

"For all the verbiage, there's a certain meanness to all the perfunctory rapine, too," Lois said. "And I don't mean like wanton cruelty and depravity; those have their place. I mean it all seems to not mean anything very much. A woman is basically going to fuck an entire stronghold—which is probably going to take more logistics than actually conquering the place did, if only to get everyone in a line, or at least assign them numbers—but the actual business of it is barely covered at all. You don't really get the sense she's suffering or enjoying herself, or any of that Game of Thrones-level of detail where she can't hold all the silver coins in her hand as yet another likely young lad or grizzled old veteran finally gets a crack at her red, enflamed, cum-stained poonnanny. It feels like a missed opportunity, but mostly I don't think anyone in the story cares. It's all focused on the next part of the in-game conquest and...frankly, that's the part of the story I care the least about."

"I think that's the point, sweetmeat," Blaze said, and reached over to highlight a sentence.

Her eyes widen and she grits her teeth together strangling a scream in her throat as the tentacle plunges into her. This isn't for pleasure, sexual or sadistic, this is merely to dominate her, so he wastes no time.

"Is it possible TheLeherengin made an asexual protagonist? The **** just seems to be a means to an end. The very impersonification of the banality of evil. If you're an all-powerful evil entity and you can't at least enjoy your atrocities, then what in Lilith's tits is the point?" Blaze muttered.

"I suspect," Lois said. "That the point is the protagonist Doom wants to win. Why? I have no idea. We don't really get a sense of who he is or why he's doing this. It would be nice to a flashback of some hardcore gamer that spent an incel lifetime mastering tactical strategy games and wishing they were the evil overlord, but it feels like their motivations are just...unexplored. Anyway, first decision point: who to follow?"

"It doesn't really matter, but let's go with Kasi," Blaze said. "By the way, you notice how often the women's eyes widen? It's not like every other paragraph, but it's more than once in a chapter and that's weird."

"I'm sure Zeebop can't throw stones," Lois said.

They read in silence for several chapters as Doom conquered the city of Alms Amour.

"No sex," Blaze noted. "It's just a straight generic fantasy novel. Which would be more engaging if we actually cared about any of these characters, their backgrounds or motivations. I mean, the current protagonists are Team Bad Guys, but aside from a general cosmic conflict between light and darkness, we're not getting a lot in the way of 'Oh, we're all evil sadists!' or 'We're insane and will reawaken the Old Ones!' or 'We are an oppressed religious minority toppling a corrupt regime!' or you know, anything that might give shape to this."

"I think it's a fundamental issue with a lot of fantasy fiction," Lois said. "A character's powers aren't nearly so interesting or exciting as their limits and weaknesses. A demon that can do absolutely anything whenever she wants is basically Rick Sanchez with tits, only Rick has crippling emotional issues, long-term psychological damage, a drinking problem, is occasionally inconvenienced when he runs into magic or tech at the level of his own, and has a supporting cast he sometimes cares for."

"It would be nice if Doom had a weakness to...oh, I don't know." Blaze mused. "Crippling libido? A need to not just sexually **** people but corrupt them to his side? Need to fuck every few hours to maintain his power? I mean, right now sex is just a tool in Doom's arsenal of conquest, and not even a very interesting or exciting one."

"Their readers seem to like it, judging by likes and comments," Lois said with a sigh. "Also, can I point out some not-great writing?"

She begged as she felt him grinding against her from behind, but he only responded with a gentle shushing noise before he released her breast and began to tug down her pants. Panic gripped her. She was about to be **** and there was nothing she could do about it. If she tried to call for help or fight back he'd probably drop her and she'd fall to her ****. She remembered the sickening feeling as his cock pushed into her dry cunt, how it made her want to throw up and how much it hurt. She hated the vertigo as she was **** to look down, dizzied by the height, made worse by the gross feeling of her violation. She remembered that she did in fact throw up when his disgusting seed filled her.

"TheLeherengin's prose is mostly competent; everyone forgets to capitalize a few letters or screws up a comma here or there," Lois said. "This is pretty bad, though. Seven sentences in a paragraph, and five start with 'She.' I noticed they had this same penchant in other chapters, though rarely to this degree. Mix it up! Use names! Descriptors! Remind us which of your bimbos is talking! I get that this whole chapter is supposed to be from Gitta's point of view, but it's distracting how generic and repetitive this all is, sometimes."

"On which note, I think we'll call it here for the night, and pick back up on Chapter 22: The Siege," The reporter added.