Lindsey and Susan read Hard Candy, by Gambino

"Didn't Sam and Victoria already do this?" asked Susan.

"We're meant to be criticising people, not sucking their dicks" said Lindsey, "besides Gambio stated that he's better at taking criticism than phrase. We should honour his request. Also, Unknown7 is paying us"

"What?"

"She just burst in, dropped a bag of money on the table, complete with a dollar sign on the bag, and promised us free counselling. Also, she advised that we read this story in five or six parts"

"Counselling? Why would we need counselling?"

"I assume, Unknown7 is concerned about us having an existential crisis as Hard Candy takes place in the Cursed Punishment multiverse but she shouldn't be so worried. I understand that the entire multiverse is basically a collection of erotic stories on CHYOA, each one having multiple branches or routes"

"Wow, this is pretty heavy"

"We should start from the beginning" said Lindsey, "of course, those pages will have no bearing on our assessment of Hard Candy. This is just to give us the context"

READING IN PROGRESS

"Okay so the story is that Gina gets cursed with obedience for being such a scumbag" said Lindsey, "and she comes across Marcie who is apparently a shy, chubby girl"

"Really?" asked Susan, "she has never stuck me as being shy"

"I think its different interpretation. This stuff was by Wicker who tends to just write a few chapters and thats it. The point is that when Hard Candy starts, Marcie has unwittingly used the command to make Gina shove a candy bar up her ass"

"Okay, so lets beginning reading Hard Candy, by Gambino"

READING THE ACTUAL HARD CANDY CHAPTERS IN PROGRESS

"Apparently, Marcie is a doormat" said Lindsey.

"That is very different from our Marcie" said Susan.

"Honestly, she doesn't come across as shy or a doormat. It says she's not a very public person but beyond a line about gathering her nerves one time, she doesn't appear to have any such problem. Her behaviour is very contradictory to what the story says about her. Also Susan's part in bullying Marcie is entirely offscreen. At least Gina acts enough like a bitch that you can believe she did so"

"Yeah, my first scene basically involves Marcie getting me stripped"

"Yeah, first impressions. Gambio should have shown how bad you are first. Well, since the two of you become friends its kinda a moot point, though it raises the question of why even bother having that detail in the backstory at all if you were both just gonna make up so quickly"

"Also, how is making Gina show her boobs immature?" asked Susan, "with how small they are, it would seem like quiet an effective way to humiliate her. Its certainly better than **** politeness. How does someone get off on manners? It doesn't sound very erotic to me"

"Yep, and Marcie then had her stripping later on anyway" said Lindsey, "also, her explanation about the curse makes no sense. If its Gina's subconscious, Marcie shouldn't be able to take sole control of her. Gina should still be obeying commands given by anyone"

Lindsey signed.

"And what is the point on making a naked video of her for **** and then leaving her naked in the school anyway? If she'd been seen, the **** would become pointless. Also, what if a teacher saw her and expelled her?"

"Yes, Marcie does understand this as she warns Tom about it but she leaves Gina naked in school where the same consequence could have happened if Gina didn't just happen to find some gym clothes. And given how fucked up this school apparently is, would Gina have even been expelled had she come naked? I mean she can walk round in her, or gather Tom's, underwear"

"Yeah, what leads to expulsion in this school is really arbitrary" said Lindsey, "another issue is the sudden 1st person shift? Couldn't Gambio have just started off in 1st person? It seems weird to just switch like that part way through, specially when its so early on"

"I did think Gina's plan to have Marcie bound and gagged was a missed opportunity" said Susan.

"I found Gina's comments on Marcie's weight to be pretty funny"

"Really?"

"Dealing with those Fems has made me very distrustful to fat girls" said Lindsey, "they tend to be the biggest bullies. I do think Stupid Cow is overused, though"

"To be fair, it does help readers follow who's POV this is" said Susan, "but why did Marcie decide to eat shit in the diner?"

"What?"

"It said Marcie gave Gina a 'shit eating grin'. I thought she wasn't into fecal matter. And it was in public. Its also not clear if Marcie took the shit right there and put it in her mouth or if she just happens to carry a bag of fecal matter around with her"

"I don't think it meant she was eating literal shit. Wait, did Unknown7 have all that shit eating going on because she took that line literally?"

"Okay, while we're on the topic of shit, I just want to state for the record that fecal matter is not something Lindsey and I are into. It is just a means of humbling what Lindsey calls the 'evil half of the human race'"

There was an awkward silence.

"Moving on" said Susan, "what does Marel see in Gina? She does know the girl has small boobs, right?"

"According to her and Marcie's read of Path to Justice, she apparently loves Gina's small boobs. You'd think she'd have some standards. Also, why don't I get a nickname?"

"Its clear Gambio is setting Marel up to be an antagonist who would eventually get some comeuppance. I mean she did coerce Marcie into making out with her. I'm pretty sure thats ****"

"I literally hit my Marel in the pussy for the same reason but it looks like I might be a potential ally of Marcie's later on. According to her read of our path, I'm apparently a psychopath. Maybe she just meant me-me. I can understand why some might think I'm crazy. I'm not sure if I'll ever get Ben or Steve to agree to chopping Rina's hand off"

"Yeah, I can't wait to work with you" said Susan, "I think we'll get along great"

"Now, I understand that Marcie needed to orchestrate Susan's fall so she could be the Royal Magnificence's... I mean Magnificent..."

Lindsey groaned.

"It is so hard to say that correctly" she said.

"Gina had to physically beat me with a golf club to get me to say it right"

"Well, as I was saying, I understand why Marcie needed to cause Susan's downfall and why she needed to act mean to Frank in front of Gina's cronies but once they had gone, there wasn't any reason for her to make him show his underwear. What if he kills himself? Also, Marcie seemed to enjoy that way too much and 'just a little fun' sounds like something a bully would say"

"It could be that Marcie was worried about someone bursting into the room and seeing her not bully him"

"In all, I'd say its a decent beginning though there is a show, don't tell problem" said Lindsey, "maybe this is just early instalment weirdness"

"I kinda like this version of Marcie, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship between us. We'll be together until the end"

"Until next time, readers"