Lindsay Lohan

You think briefly, willing your thoughts into reality.

The classroom door opens and Lindsay Lohan staggers into the room. She's skeleton thin and her hair has been bleached into a pale, stringy mess. She falls behind the teacher's desk, too drunk to get up.

"Oh shit," you think, "I meant Lindsay Lohan from 2004."

The Lindsay on the floor disappears as the classroom doors open again. The stunning redhead Lindsay Lohan walks in. You quickly make everyone in the class forget the first Lindsay.

"Hi!" says Lindsay as she steps behind Mr. Frankfurt's desk. Nobody responds. She's wearing a short, off-white pleated skirt and a sparkly silver top. Most of the guys focus on the low cut top and the terrific cleavage it shows off. Lindsay leans forward on the desk with her arms close together, pushing her cleavage even further out.

She smiles at the class, making most of the guys grin idiotically. "Um, Mr. Frankfurt is out today, so I'm substituting. I know substitutes are usually pretty worthless and don't make you do jack shit, but...

"Well, there is no 'but'. I'm not doing squat, either. Who wants to party!"

Several of the students cheer at the suggestion.

"Any chance Mr. Frankfurt keeps something nice to drink around here?" asks Lindsay.

You raise your hand as you create a few things in the room. Lindsay quickly points to you. "Mr. Frankfurt keeps a case of Scotch in his bottom drawer and several bottles of wine in the supply closet behind you."

Lindsay pulls out the **** and waves for the students to get up and join her. After she makes sure that everyone has a drink she walks over to you.

"Hey," says Lindsay, batting her thick, gorgeous eyelashes. "Wanna go on a freckle hunt?"