Like Hell it is!

You can't take a step forward or utter a word of apology...it's utterly unthinkably impossible. And yet...you do.

"No. I won't give you up without a fight. Even if it is all my fault. I don't give a flying monkey's fuck if I deserve you, I refuse to lose you." Somehow words explode from your locked lips and lifeless limbs reanimate and take you to Vanessa's side. You take her hand in yours and this time you refuse to let go until you feel it softly squeeze yours.

"I spent my whole life telling myself one thing only to find out it was the other thing the whole time. I got outed a closet cocksucker and sissy slut before I even knew I was one, as if that is enough to encapsulate me. I found out I get off on being bullied, crave my cage, and melt under the heavenly heat of public humiliation. That would have killed me just days ago, but now it is trivial, mere kinks and foibles compared to what really matters. I love you." Vanessa turns, teary eyed and trembling and you can see the rueful rebuttal in your eyes. If you love her, why would you go behind her back and fuck the first dick that offered?

"I fucked up beyond forgiveness. I let my insecurity and aching emptiness convince me to let a sleazebag have me because I was convinced I don't deserve better. Like I said. I don't deserve you, but tough luck. You can kick me out, block me on every app ever invented and break every bone in my body. I will lie on the side of the road and my last gasp will be I love you." You can see that she wants to believe you, but she doesn't know how. You can't think of anything you can say to make the cloud hanging over you disappear, so you embrace it.

"I want you to be happy. I want you to be loved the way you deserve to be loved. I want you to feel as strong as you pretend to be, strong enough to show your sunny smile even when you know the normies can see it. You are beautiful and vibrant and truly magikal, both inside and out, and I won't accept you living half your life anymore. I don't deserve to be the one that shares that life with you...but I will become the person that deserves you." Vanessa looks hopefully at you, practically begging you to bring it home, to weave a web of lily white lies as virginal as your dress, so you can pretend it never happened and she can forgive the unforgivable.

"I'm sorry. That's it. All I can offer you is a promise I've given you no reason to believe, offered by a stranger that barely knows themselves. It's a horrible, hideous thing to ask of you, but like I said. I don't deserve you." You lay your head on her hand and wait there for a long while. You feel spent and fragile, like the softest breeze she utters will shatter you.