Chapter 3
by 
Zeebop
Climax
Leroy & Latoya Read "The Master, Mark Garret," by legolus, Part 1
Spring was in the air. Bees buzzed. Birds sang out their love songs. Everywhere green things were growing. Winter was over, and the world was awake and ready to fuck.
"I need porn," Latoya said. She was draped across a Victorian couch. "Anything to get my mind off all this sunlight and wholesomeness."
"I have something for you, dear sister," Leroy said, as he reclined on a chair nearby. He passed her the tablet.
"The Master, Mark Garret, by legolus," she read aloud. "A long branch on the Harem Hotel story."
"The idea," Leroy said. "Is that this is a reality show. Six contestants, plus a master, in a private resort. The contestants compete for the affections of the master. Basically Tenchi Muyo! meets The Bachelor. In this branch, the Master is Mark Garret, soon-to-be-married to Allie Asher. He's a data scientist with a porn star penis."
"Joy," Latoya said with the tone of voice of someone who would really rather prefer cunnilingus at the moment. It was a sound Leroy knew well; his sister's default tone for dealing with the universe.
"A large part of the whole Harem Hotel story is the audience interaction through Discord or whatever," Leroy added. "Which is a bit like getting testicle cancer just to have someone fondle your balls, but I digress."
“MAGIC.” Cassandra once again stated as she waved her hands in front of her.
"The first few chapters just introduce the contestants. It's instant drama porn as the utterly uncharismatic fiancée, Allie now finds herself faced with competing for her fiancé Mark's affections with his childhood friend Merida, professor Talia, actress Ellen Thompson, friend-of-friends Flora and Samantha, and track athletes Laura, Chloe, and Aubrey," Latoya said. She paused to consider this. "Is it just me, or does this lack a little something? I mean, these are hypothetically women Mark could have ended up with, and they're just random people and one random name actress. No sisters, no best friends, no porn stars or models, no guys—half of the women seem bisexual, but that basically just seems to mean they'll be thirsting for Mark's dick but are going to kiss some girls along the way—and they're pretty much all white women in their 30s."
"Different strokes," Leroy said. "The writing is competent so far. Not too much repetition, a few punctuation and grammar issues, but nothing remarkable. Of course, the proof will be the sex scenes."
"Of course," she agreed.
"Then we get the rules," Latoya said. "And it feels weird that the introduction is taking so long, but not without reason, as we finally get Da Rules."
“Now, from the top. Hello everyone, and welcome to this season of Harem Hotel: Missed Encounters. For those of you who don’t know, Harem Hotel is an interdimensional reality TV show with the contestants competing against each other for their position in their Master’s harem. In addition, whoever places first will win a wish. This wish is all-inclusive with nearly no limitations and will work based upon your intent, so no Djinn or Monkey’s Paw twisting to worry about. With only three exceptions. One, no killing. Two, you can’t leave the harem or cause another member of the harem to leave the harem. Three, no reversing the consequences or transformations experienced from participating in the season. Other than that, there are essentially no limits.”
Now you will be ranked within the Harem based upon how many Victory Points or VP you have obtained. You can obtain Victory Points primarily in one of two ways. The first is to do well in challenges each round, which will happen at the end of each round. The second way is to be intimate with the Master and please him.
Any and every contestant that reaches and maintains at least 100VP at the end of the season will be declared a winner and receive a favorable position in the Master’s Harem. They will also receive an exit transformation to ease the transition back to their lives in their new role. Only the woman with the most VP, though, will earn the wish. Now, for those with less than 100VP but not negative VP will receive a less favorable position within the harem based upon their VP Total. So even if you don’t think towards the end that you can break that 100 threshold, there is still a reason to get as close to it as you can. These individuals will also receive an exit transformation that will cause them to be more in line with and accepting of their new role. Finally, those with negative VP at the beginning of any challenge or at the end of the show will receive an immediate elimination transformation. Trust me, you do not want to be eliminated, as no matter your final placement, each of you is irrevocably bound to your Master for the rest of your lives. Moreover, should one of you be eliminated, someone you know and care about will be selected to replace you.
You can make these purchases with your Bonus Points or BP, which can be earned by placing well in the Best Girl Poll, each round with a minimum of 500 BP a round, and through various bonus activities here on the hotel resort.”.
"In my experience," Leroy said solemnly. "Points-based storylines work better for games than standalone stories. Not saying it can't work, but this feels like it's going all Dressrosa Arc and we've barely begun the story."
"Harem stories tend to be a bit of an incel fantasy," Latoya observed. "There's no effort involved on Mark's part, the universe at random has picked him to have a group of women to be involved with, and the women have little choice. The fact that they have little choice and suffer consequences if they do not literally suck up to him is a major aspect of the story as it is structured."
"Mark doesn't have much choice in the matter either," Leroy pointed out. "Once could make a comparison to, oh, the Book of Job. Being toyed with by all-powerful forces. If everyone was intelligent about it, they could probably game the system, work out some equitable arrangement to make sure everyone graduates with preferred placement in the harem. Of course, that wouldn't be very good for ratings..."
"And it feels like we've already put far too much thought into this," Latoya added. "Of course, the other aspect of the game is the transformations. This adds another layer of lack-of-control, even to their own bodies and minds."
“What! No! I would never do this to someone.” Mark exclaimed, “Sure, I might fantasize about a harem or being able to perform transformations on people, but actually doing it, at least without the consent of all parties involved, is just wrong. Frankly, if I didn’t have a decent idea of what would happen to all of you if I refused to go along with this, I would. The consequences are too severe, though.”
"Methinks Mark doth protest too much," Leroy said, with a roll of his eyes. He sighed, and let his hand rest on his sister's neck, the long dark fingers finding the familiar warmth and softness of her throat. "Really, it is so much more interesting when people are honest and excited about what they're into."
They read through the boons.
"This is tedious," Latoya said, and reached up to touch her brother's hand. Not to move it, but just to let her hand rest on his. "These should be individual screens in some Twine game."
"And our first choice. Shall we go with the intermission?" Leroy said.
"Let's."
Mark: Man-boob is the only bad-boob.
"I," Latoya said after reading. "Would very much prefer a version of this where a strictly heterosexual Mark is stuck with an all-male harem and he or they are slowly transformed, their bodies and desires twisted until they are no longer as they were. I do not give a fuck about their favorite animal and they're approaching too many haremites to keep track of easily."
"I suppose I'd prefer a straight woman with a harem of all women, who either learns to appreciate the fairer sex or is transformed by their desires into the type of master they want," Leroy said. "But those are not this story, and we are reviewing the story legolus has written, not the one we wish they had written. Keeping in mind that several of these choices are apparently decided upon by an audience."
You will also be awarded 400 BP per percentage of the total points you received, rounded down to the nearest fifty.
"Do we really need secondary resources?" Latoya said. "Reading at this vantage, it's closer to a Let's Play than a traditional story, and the mathematical rigor of it all isn't exactly enticing."
"I admit, we're at a disadvantage if we hope or expect for a traditional story, or even a traditional branching story where there are choices that matter and a plot that moves forward," Leroy said. "If this were set up in game mode where variables like points could be easily tracked at a glance, it might help, but this has hundreds of chapters. I really think there's a cultural divide here that makes it difficult for us to really get engaged with the story. Not an issue regarding legolus' writing, you understand, but something our counterparts have run into before."
His fingers moved south, along Latoya's collarbone.
"It gives the story a certain structure, and encourages audience participation, I suppose. In any event," she said, and pulled his hand beneath the collar of her shirt. "We get our third introduction to the damn story, and we finally get a bit more description of the hotel. In some stories, the setting is as much a character as any of the people in it, but in this one it's more...dress."
"Imagine if the hotel played a bigger part in things," Leroy said. "It would be a very different harem story if it was set in a run-down seaside motel, or a kind of haunted mansion run as a bed and breakfast."
As the girls came through, he continued to look around and could only think, Well, I guess I did die and got isekai’d into your standard generic fantasy world. Even got the stereotypical harem of women your protagonist would have too.
"I should not be surprised we actually have a schedule requiring a table, and yet somehow I am," Latoya said. "I do somehow keep thinking Mark's background as a data scientist will be important at some point, but until he tries to maximize VP gain or something, I'm not sure how or if or why it will ever be relevant. Kudos, I suppose, for trying to make him not look like a complete asshole."
- Prevent Eliminations.
2. Try not to panic.- Help keep people emotionally healthy.
- Try to make all the Ladies happy.
- Make sure to spend your BP every week.
"Once we're into the story proper, which only took us what, fifteen chapters? Things start to get confusing," Leroy said, a little agitation lipping into his voice. "You've got nine cunts and a cock, plus Cassandra. If you have more than two people at a time having a conversation, it is absolutely imperative that you identify who is speaking. For example, who said this?"
“Simple, we need a second person to compare with after all. How can we know it isn’t just something I felt, for my own reasons otherwise? Did it feel like cooking for the Harem was pleasurable or arousing for you? Like, are you horny right now?”
"It's not Talia, because Talia just spoke. It might be Laura, because Laura had spoken just before Talia, but the next person to speak after Talia answers is Merida, so maybe she chimed in? It is categorically impossible to tell who made that comment, and that is very annoying," Leroy said.
"Also, is it just me or do they just keep adding random rules and bonuses for things!?" Latoya pulled Leroy's hand down deeper into her shirt. Her brother's hand found a nipple.
Leroy sighed. "We haven't read every chapter of every previous 'season,' so I have no idea how much of this is an established narrative mechanic and how much legolus is pulling out of their ass," he said. "And it doesn't really matter. Mechanical litRPG nonsense aside, we're beginning to get the beginnings of actual character interaction here. It isn't bad. It's just wrapped up in everything else, and none of the characters—including Allie—seem particularly inclined to get a leg up or put a leg over Mark anytime soon."
“In many old cultures, the right hand would be the open visible hand, the one you shake with, to greet people, finalize deals. The left hand was the one that had a dagger hidden in it, the untrustworthy one. Eventually, the left-hand man was like the right-hand man, but the one to do things behind the scenes. Equally trusted by the person they worked for, but having different purposes.”
"That is not historically accurate," Latoya said, as she held her brother's wrist. His finger circled her right nipple, slowly teasing it. "It is amazing how, in a story with dragons and catgirls, it's the little things that annoy."
Authors Note: Please note the trigger warning in bold before a scene below
"Oh fuck off," Leroy muttered.
"It does feel unnecessary," Latoya said. "But you can't blame legolus for...actually, I'm not certain what there is about this chapter that is supposed to trigger potential readers. No one gets their cock out, no is horribly injured or deformed. The terrible Scottish accent, maybe?"
Author’s Warning: this scene depicts someone describing sexual **** they have suffered a brief summary of important events will be after this scene if you wish to skip it but wish to continue with the story.
"Ah, right. It talks about some grape soda at ROTC," Leroy said. "And not graphic. Just the mention of it. Which is...well, good for looking out for the readers, I guess."
"I'd like to applaud the character development—they did hint at this earlier—but they really should have capped the harem pool at five if they wanted me to be able to easily distinguish these people or get invested," Latoya said. "Grape soda is probably going to be a more defining character moment than their uniform kink."
"I should add that these aren't short chapters, there is a fairly large cast, and so far there is nothing, absolutely zero, to fap to," Leroy said. "Which is okay! Not every story on the website is about porn without plot. Or porn with plot. Or plot with a side of porn. As a treat. Instead we get...this."
"I know a lot of folks emphasize showing vs. telling. And either is actually fine. They both have their uses in a story. But there's a scene where Mark strips several women naked and collars them, and we don't even get a shitty AI-generated picture of it," Leroy said. He sighed, and squeezed Latoya's nipple until she made a small, soft sound. Then he let his hand relax and cupped her entire breast. Warm and soft, barely a handful, the hard little nipple sticking up between his pointer and index fingers. He could see it in his mind's eye.
"It's worth pointing out that legolus seems genuinely interested in the characters, their predicament, their reaction to it and to each other," Latoya said, utterly unfazed by her brother's groping hand. "But it definitely feels like the potentially sexy bits largely remain...potential."
"There is exactly one erotic story protagonist in this entire story, and it's actually Allie," Leroy said. "That's not a complaint."
"This is actually the first full sex scene of the story," Latoya noted. "It's not bad! Although I notice legolus doesn't actually like to use any language to describe genitalia. Cockulate bunnies are okay, but no slurpin' on his mighty shaft. It is, as with so many things in this story, a different vibe."
"We haven't been paying a lot of attention to the comments, but sometimes they're good," Leroy admitted. "Dedicated fanbase."
"Speaking of commenting, this review has been largely linear for the first twenty-five chapters, but the way the story is structured, it is broken into several 'rounds,' after which the characters get updated bios. So you can see how far the ladies have come from where they started. We technically skipped the first set of bios when we went with the intermission, not understanding that this plot doesn't actually branch," Latoya said. Her hand was on her brother's wrist, as if to prevent it from escaping. "So the natural stopping point for the review would be...chapter 46, the end of the current round."
"I'm not sure it was ever established that Mark is a serious otaku, but obviously whoever arranged this thing is. Evangelion plug suits, Sailor Scout outfits..." Leroy said.
"At least the sex is picking up," Latoya said.
Sam reached out and gently placed her hand on his penis.
+1 VP Penis Touched (x2 First) (Bonus could not be claimed by Allie)
"I just checked legolus' profile, and they never filled out their favorite words for 'penis' and 'vagina,'" Leroy said. "But I suspect, based on usage, I can guess."
"It's not that I don't mind the metaplot, but there's already a shit-ton going on," Latoya said. "There's already a lot of drama happening, and not just a bunch of women getting bimbofied and dicked down into submissive cocksluts to Mark's prick. Do we really need to add Cassandrama to the mix?"
"Want to bet if she ends up part of the harem?" Leroy said, and his fingers started to creep further down her top.
"No bet," Latoya said. She didn't stop him.
"Dark gods dammit," Leroy muttered. "As if the cast wasn't big enough."
"Is it weird to say that this, the first lesbian scene, doesn't feel as detailed as the earlier sex scenes?" Latoya said. "I mean, I realize why. There's no use of the words pussy, vagina, slit, cunny, cunt, cooch, quim, twat...it feels like trying to not describe the action very hard. I get that's legolus' style, but it does make for a sex scene that seems more sizzle than steak."
+2 VP Cause Flora to orgasm (Sam, Laura)
+2 VP Cause Sam to orgasm (Flora, Laura) (x2 First)
+2 VP Cause Laura to orgasm (Flora, Sam) (x2 First)
+1 VP Three-way (FFF) (Flora, Sam, Laura) (x2 First)
"While we're on the subject, I know the rules are subject to change, but why are they getting VPs for getting other harem-members off? I thought Victory Points were largely for increasing affections with Mark? If it's just a matter of fifty orgasms a piece, the ladies could stage a weekend orgy and be done with it," Leroy observed.
"Wouldn't be much of a story, would it?" Latoya said, as his questing fingers found her navel. She smiled as she remembered the story they had heard so many times growing up, how their umbilical cords were tangled together.
“Calm down, Mark. Allie is not pregnant.”
"Boo," Leroy said, lazily. "Hiss. Or probably just a tease for those of us with a pregnancy kink. More common than you might think."
"If this was much narrower in focus," Latoya said. "The idea of a Scottish lesbian learning to go bi would be exciting. But there is almost too much going on here with all these 'contestants' and their respective drama to actually zero in on a given individual's experience. Like, Allie was a dumb puppy over ten chapters ago and we haven't really revisited that since."
“Are you sure? That would be a problem. I may want a lot of kids, but I don’t want to be semi-permanently pregnant.”“I hope not, my breasts are perfectly large enough as they are now, and breasts swell during pregnancy typically. I don’t want something like an H or J cup. Oh crap. I may have just doomed myself. Mark said that the audience sometimes likes to mess with the girls and give them options that they complain about, because they think it’s funny.”
"Yeah, legolus knows exactly the folks whose kink balloon he's poppin' here," Leroy said with a grin. His arm stretched almost all the way down Latoya's top now, and the fingers tickled the fine dark hairs just above her crotch.
"Or the bait he's dangling," Latoya said, as she rubbed her cheek against his bicep.
"This is Mark, who has been turned into a woman. Because of course," Leroy said. "It's not like the story wasn't busy enough. Every chapter or so has to throw another curveball."
"Can we throw stones?" Latoya said, and shifted her position on the couch, so her head pressed against her brother's chest, and his arm could reach further.
"No," Leroy admitted. "But it feels less like consistent plotting and more like deliberate chaos. Which perhaps it is. However, it means the audience never really gets a chance to adjust to a situation and see the characters explore it before the next event comes up."
"Which I gather is part of the whole Harem Hotel dynamic," Latoya said. "Part of it I don't like. I'm all for picaresque adventures, but I find kitchensink overload to be frustrating rather than interesting. It's like how if the rules keep changing, then there's no real achievement in winning, because it ceases to be a contest of ability or character and simply becomes arbitrary."
God, I would love to taste her. What was that!? Right, I guess the pool made me bisexual, and I am still attracted to Mark.
"We haven't mentioned the perspective-shifts yet, but the story is predominantly third person and largely but not always centered around Mark, occasionally Mary. And the idea of the head a harem switching genders and everyone having to deal with that in a harem where more than half are bisexual at this point is potentially interesting. It would be more interesting if at least a couple folks were dedicated gay or heterosexual and had to perform or search their feelings otherwise, but again, that's not the story we're reading," Leroy said, on his knees by the couch now, fingers pushing through a dense tangle of short and curly hairs.
"Is it weird that I would much prefer to read an epilogue set after all the bullshit transformations are game show nonsense is over and see how they actually adjust to life and trying to make this harem relationship work?" Latoya said.
"Very," Leroy said dryly. "In fact, I'm pretty sure there's much more interest in the setup than the payoff. At least, that's my take on the audience."
Talia is Thirty-Seven -> Talia is Eighteen (retroactive)
I, for one, don’t want to be a teen mom.
"See, this is the kind of scenario that is meaty enough for an entire story," Latoya said. "A 37-year-old virgin professor is now 18 and incredibly fertile. But for right now, it's...this isn't even the only thing that happens in this chapter."
"The meta-element of having real-world polls presented by an in-universe character speaking to an in-universe meta audience is..." Leroy began...then he sighed, as his fingertips brushed something soft that made a little moan issue from his sister's throat. "Well, it is an important part of this whole story isn't it? As much as it hasn't been our cup of tea, that should not be mistaken as a complaint that it is badly written. Legolus is doing fine, within the remit of what they're trying to write."
"But you can definitely go further," Latoya said, with a grin.
