John Doberman, a virgin Star-Lord cosplayer with a huge Rocket Raccoon.

Why did all the cosplayers have to be so freaking hot?

Spandex stretched tighter than cling-wrap. Cleavage windows cut deeper than the grand canyon. Short shorts so short they were practically spelunking between girls' cheeks. It was enough to drive a man insane!

"Down, dammit! Down!" John whispered under his breath. He danced from side to side and whistled nonchalantly, holding his pistols over his pea-shooter. "Come on, John, you can handle a little bit of ass. Just think un-sexy thoughts, and nothing about the Spider-Girl with the practically see-through costume. Nope. Just keep your mind off that tight little ass bouncing back and forth up the stairs. That is the last thing on your mind, yes, sir."

Standing at the side of the con floor covering his junk definitely wasn't something John had planned for his first con, but hey, at least his friends had flaked out at the last minute and left him a couple hundred dollars in the hole for tickets. Flying the flag at half-mast with a pole like John's? Yeah, no compadres needed to witness that, gracias.

So hey. Just 'cause he didn't have friends following him around in cosplay didn't mean he couldn't have a good time. Just 'cause he'd made it halfway through college without getting laid didn't mean he couldn't try to score at SAX. And just 'cause he had to stand around waiting for Star-Lord's "ship" to land didn't mean he couldn't keep himself under control.

All he had to do was get into character. A little role-play would solve everything. He'd put Star-Lord's mask together himself- it even retracted to the sides, kind of like in the movies. The rest of the outfit- cargo pants, generic laser pistol and jacket- was easy enough.

"Right," John nodded. He let out a deep breath, and a little tension went with it. "Peter Quill. Peeeeeter Quill. Not awkward. Totally awesome. Funniest and sexiest guy alive."

A fully suited-up Iron Man slapped him on the shoulder as he walked by. "Nice outfit, Star-Prince."

"Star-Lord," John shot back. "Hey, Land of Oz is that way, Tin Man! Better go save Dorothy!"

"I understood that reference," said the Captain America following behind.

John smiled. This cosplay thing might actually be pretty fun.