It’s Kiara

I look up and see Kiara standing next to me.

“Looks like she didn’t have good news.” My mentor tells me.

“No.” I sniffle. “She didn’t.”

Her hood moves to the right, signifying she is cocking her head. “And you probably also don’t want to talk about it?”

I don’t answer her. I figured the answer is quite obvious anyways.

Kiara then sits down next to me, leaning against the wall like I do.

“You know, I don’t just deal in dark magic. I study all that has to do with darkness. This includes dark emotions.” Kiara says. “Fear, anger, sadness and regret. To name a few. What is it that creates these feelings? How they are maintained? What fuels them to burn even brighter and more destructive than they already are? And most importantly, what do we do to make them dissipate?”

Kiara studies dark emotions? Is she some kind of emo?

“So what? You want to study my sadness now?”

Kiara is silent for a bit. Probably thinking about what to say next. Then she starts explaining an allegory to me.

“Think of life as a road we walk. One with many twists and turns. And every once on a while we pick something up and carry it with us. Sometimes it’s a good thing, sometimes a bad thing. You would think it doesn’t make sense for people to pick up bad things, right. Darx, you would be surprised of the number of bad things people sometimes tend to carry with them. Almost like it’s special to them. Like this pain is their pain. It would be so much better for them if they just put it on the side of the road and continue without it, right?

“You think I’m carrying an unnecessary burden?” I ask.

“I sense that you have just been given one. It is up to you whether to hold on to it and let it make your life worse, or not. I think it would be easier on you if you don’t.”

“Ok.” I say. “So how do I not pick up this pain that Mia just dumped on me?”

“What if I told you that getting rid of at least some of that can be much easier than you think? You would be surprised how many things can be solved by simply putting them into words.”

“You want me to talk about it.” I say, having finally realized what she was leading to. “I thought you understood I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s never easy to talk about pain. But it can help you deal with it.” Kiara says. “You don’t even have to talk about it to me if you don’t want to. You can talk about it with Ryul instead. Or do you prefer Shalia?”

“No.” I say. “I don’t want this burden to shift from me to them.”

Kiara is silent for a bit. I guess she’s waiting for me to start talking. I remind myself that she is just being helpful. Kiara is merely a teacher trying to help her student. Besides, what harm can there be in telling her about my past. I clean the tears of my face, then I start talking.

“I had 2 friends back home. Oliver and Amelia. Both of them childhood friends. But Amelia lived next door, so we had an extra special bond. One day Oliver and I had our lives saved by an adventurer. That’s when we became interested in becoming adventurers ourselves. Amelia heard enough of my mother’s stories to want to become an adventurer as well. So, the three of us started training together. Oliver sometimes couldn’t join, so then it was just me and Amelia.”

“But that changed, didn’t it?”

“It sure did. It all happened a little more than six months ago. That day the three of us came across a troll while adventuring. We weren’t ready for it and we would have died if it hadn’t been for Kase.”

“Kase?” Kiara asks. “You mean the S rank?”

“Yes, THAT Kase. Before he got his rank.” I say, spitting as I refer to him. “He killed the troll and saved us, sure. But after that, he seduced Amelia. My Amelia, whom I thought had feelings for me, instantly turned around and slept with that guy. A guy she doesn’t even know. A guy who made weird comments about my mother. This pervert whom I wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with every girl that threw herself at him. That is the guy my childhood friend threw herself to as well. Like she was some kind of slut.”

“Ever since I found out, our friendship was ruined. How could I still even trust her after that? First, she leads me on for years, then instant sex with the first stranger our age that comes to our town?”

“And you’ve been carrying that for 6 months?” Kiara observes.

“I have. But that is not even the worst part. See, Amelia was not the only girl in town who made me feel like she was into me. There was also Mia. And man, did they play me well. They fought all the time, Mia and Amelia. Really, every time they met, there was a fight. They never lacked insults for each other. Almost like both of them were gunning for me.”

“So, when I lost Amelia, Mia stepped in with all the nicest words you can think of. She thought I was cute, she liked my eyes, she liked how kind I was, she was also training as a sword wielding adventurer. Then one night, when we were alone in a cave, she undressed for me. Told me that she would make me feel better than Amelia ever would. And yes, we had sex. It was good sex. She was amazing. She was beautiful. She was smart. She had personality. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. And I fell for her charms.”

“So, Mia and I started dating. We had more sex. And I made sure never to cum inside her because, you know, if she got pregnant it would be the end of her time as an adventurer and I didn’t want to take this future away from her. She even told me that, after we retired from adventuring, we would return to our home village and raise a family.”

“Sounds very lovely.” Kiara interjects. “And that went wrong too?”

“Wrong is an understatement. Six months ago, both Mia and Amelia left our village to come to this city and become adventurers. I couldn’t join. I was still a few months too young. I had to stay separated from Mia for a whole 6 months. During those months, she sent me letters telling me how much she loved me. But back in the courtyard, she told me she had already been sleeping with some other guy for months. And why? Because apparently, he saved her life or something. Really? The same reason for both of them? Looks like all those promises of being her one true love were nothing but lies. First Amelia and now Mia. Both of them made me think the world of them and both of them broke my heart like it was nothing. So yeah, both of my girlfriends turned out to be cheating whores.”

Kiara waits a moment. Probably to make sure I was done with my story. When she speaks up she says, “That’s rough, buddy.”

“So, Miss Kiara. You say I need to put them aside and move on? Amelia is my oldest friend. If I put her aside, I put my own childhood aside. Mia is my first real lover. If I put her aside, I again put aside more than just her cheating. What do you make out of all this?”

“I never suggested pretending your past never happened.” Kiara says, remaining calm despite seeing me go through so many emotions. “But it sure looks like all of it is very much intwined.”

“See Darx, sometimes bad things happen because somebody plans them to happen. Those are frankly the easiest problems to deal with. Blame is a directionner. If you have a clear villain whom you can put the blame on then, emotionally at least, it is resolved and you can move on. Then there are the things where there is no blame to be placed. Those are the worst. Those are the negative experiences which leave you without a directionner. To whom goes the guilt then? Where falls the justice or the punishment? If you can’t send that anywhere, then where does it all go? Perhaps it stays with you?”

What is she saying? That I blame myself for losing Amelia and Mia? No, I don’t. I didn’t make them cheat on me. They chose to do that themselves.

“Like you said, in both cases the girls you’re talking about got their lives saved. Which young girl would not be enamored by a man strong enough to chase away the goddess of **** when she comes for her? And I ask you, was either of these situations planned? Did Kase plan on you and Amelia facing that troll? Did Mia’s guildmember plan on Mia coming face to face with her own ****?”

I hate to admit it, but Kiara is right here. We never planned on facing a troll. We knew we weren’t ready for such a thing. We also never knew anything about Kase and Kase didn’t know us back then. That whole thing was just one big dumb coincidence. Mia didn’t even know there would be bandits. She thought it were monsters.

“Looks like these events were simply things that just happened.” Kiara shrugs.

“So, it’s all just dumb luck?” I ask.

I didn’t expect Kiara to agree with me, but she says, “A crude description, but I guess you could say that.”

“And how does knowing this help me?” I ask in disbelief.

“Now at least you have the understanding that ‘you’ did nothing wrong.” Kiara says, pointing at her me with her finger when she says the word ‘you’. “Things just didn’t go the way you planned them. Which honestly, you’re going to learn happens a lot in life. People change. Both women and men. But if you let it get to you. If you let yourself get wrapped up in self-pity and anger and you give up, I can promise you, things will never end up going your way.”

A man wrapped up in self-pity and anger? Kind of makes me think of Noah. That old village drunk who blamed Mr. Enzo for stealing his wife and tried to **** him during the festival. Is it possible for me to become just like him?

“So if losing the women you love is a result of others saving their lives instead of you? It stands to reason that becoming strong enough that you get to save lives yourself will change that.”

Is Kiara really just helping me? Or is she just using this as an opportunity to try and keep me motivated for training? I can’t tell anymore. Man, it is so difficult to read her since I can’t see her eyes.

I sigh and say, “So, the answer to my problems is keep trying hard, join a guild and become a famous adventurer?”

“That certainly is one way to do it. And if you like, I can get you into a good one.”

That last sentence caught me off guard.

“Wait … Weren’t you supposed to give guild invites only after this month was over?”

“When the mentors find someone that we think is worthy of recruiting, we can hand out an unofficial invitation.” Kiara explains. “We do this by revealing which guild we are in.”

That is when Kiara reaches for her collar. She’s got a necklace hanging there, one that goes down to her chest and disappears into her clothes. It probably ends somewhere between her breasts.

She then pulls on the chain and pulls it out of her clothes. Once the necklace is fully visible to me, I see there is a medallion attached to it. Made from black metal and in the shape of a dragon skull. Just like the one my mother has.

“No way.” I whisper. “You’re with the Dark Dragons?”

“You seem only a few years younger than me, so your mother probably left the guild before I joined.” Kiara says as she hides the medallion in her clothes again. “But I’m sure I can find a couple of senior members who remember her. Though I want you to know, I am not asking you to join because of your mother. I am inviting you based on how much I think you understand the value loyalty.”

“Loyalty?” I ask. “I just told you a story where I got betrayed by 2 women, and that convinces you I am going to be loyal?”

“Happiness and sadness.” Kiara explains. “You cannot truly understand the value of happiness until you have experienced sadness. It is the dark emotion which gives meaning to the light emotion. Since you have experienced betrayal, you now understand just how painful it is to be betrayed. As well as how valuable its opposite, loyalty, can be.”

“And the Dark Dragon guild is full of loyal people?” I ask skeptically.

“The Dark Dragon guild treats its members like a family. When we are out on adventure, the only people we can trust out there are our fellow guild members. It is with them that we eat, sleep, fight side by side. It is them that we rely on to keep us alive, and them who rely on us to keep them alive. This is how my guild has survived for generations, and it is how we have become one of the three strongest guilds in the city.”

My mom’s old guild. Her old friends who would likely welcome me because they know my mother. A guild where everybody places high value in loyalty. Would it really be the right place for me?

“You don’t have to accept this invitation right away.” Kiara continues. “You can’t even. The other mentors need to be given a chance invite you to their guilds as well. Just know, that if you tell anyone that I am with the Dark Dragons, it is evidence I couldn’t trust you. Then your invitation is revoked.”

“I see. So, keeping your secret for the next month is you testing my loyalty.” I call Kiara out.

Kiara smiles and replies, “If I am correct about you and you do value loyalty, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to succeed, right?”

That is when Kiara stands up and holds out her hand to me.

“Come, let’s go to the dining room. It’s almost dinner time anyways.”

I take her hand and get up. Then I follow her all the way to the dining room. We sit there and wait until the rest shows up. Ryul is the first to run up to me and ask what happened. The others were all very curious as well. I wait for a moment when they are silent and then I inform them that my girlfriend whom I have been waiting 6 months to meet is simply not my girlfriend any more.

“Aw man. That sucks.” Ryul groans.

Shalia takes my hand and comforts me by saying, “Don’t worry, Darx. There plenty of girls out there who will be far better to you.”

It’s nice to have their support. They make me feel like I can rely on them. Almost like … like they are the kind of people I can go on a quest with without having to worry about making it back safely.

As expected, mealtime was a bit less pleasant. But not as unpleasant as it could have been. I still excused myself a bit earlier and then went straight to the room I shared with Ryul. Then I went to bed and cried for having lost Mia.