The nightmare is not a nightmare anymore

I dream that I am sitting alone in a black void. I’m not surprised. After Mia admitted to having cheated on me, I feel like a void. At this moment I wouldn’t even mind disappearing into this emptiness. At least then I might no longer feel betrayed.

(Is something wrong? What happened)

A voice that appears in my head. I know what this is. I turn around and there she is. The girl that I keep dreaming of. But I see and hear her just like during my awakening.

“It’s nothing.” I say. “Just something bad that happened to me while I was awake.”

(Is it your awakening? Did it not work?)

“It’s something else. But I do have questions about my awakening. It just feels like it’s not complete.”

(Your awakening leaves room for growth. The more you train, the stronger you become.)

She is being incredibly cryptic here. Can’t she just give me a straight answer? But then I remember how last time she said she didn’t even know her own name. Maybe this is just the best answer she can give me.

“Have you still not remembered your name?”

(No, I haven’t.)

“Would you mind if I give you a name then?”

(I wouldn’t)

I go through a couple of names, though I try to avoid names of people I know. I wouldn’t want her and my mother to have the same name. Or have her be named after Mia or Amelia. Eventually I come across the name ‘Ophelia’.

(I like that one. I feel that would be a good name for me.)

Great. Now at least I have a name for her.

As if on que, everything goes dark and then I wake up. Well, that is not how the nightmare usually goes. What’s even more surprising is that Ryul is still asleep. Did I wake up early for once?

After bathing Ryul and I went to have breakfast. This time we didn’t have to ask for directions. As long as we keep reusing the same path, we can find our way from our guest room to the dining room. During breakfast, Shalia and Wendy asked me how I was. I told them I was doing better, which was true, but try to hide that I am still hurting. I don’t think I succeeded though.

During our morning training, Kiara had Shalia and I work together again. We were spinning a stream of water between the two of us like yesterday and it went better. It still takes a lot of my focus, but I can now at least maintain a full stream.

“It hurts, right. Losing a loved one.” Shalia says while we’re practicing.

“It sure does.” I reply as I keep my focus on my magic.

“I had a lover back home as well.” Shalia continues.

“It didn’t work out for you either?”

“No. See, my parents owned a farm. With it they could make a good bit of money and hired some farmhands. Amongst them was a couple that had a son. Him and I grew up as childhood friends. Our friendship became romance, and then we fell in love."

"But one day all of that changed. I caught the attention of a nobleman from a nearby city. He became so smitten with me that he visited me regularly and bought me all kinds of gifts. But I already had a boyfriend and I didn't want to break up with him. But no matter how many times I refused him, he just kept coming back."

As Shalia shares her past with me, I can’t help but notice how similar it sounds to Amelia. A rich guy getting interested in her, spending time with her, trying to take her away from the guy she already has. At least Shalia resisted him.

“Eventually, he became frustrated and started to sabotage my parents financially to try and **** them into marrying me off to him. But that didn't work either. My parents never **** me to do anything against my wishes.” Shalia continues. “Then one day, he came to me at night when I was walking by myself. He again professed his love and I again refused. This time however, he tried to **** a kiss from me. I told him no and then ... he pushed me against a brick wall and put his hand on my mouth. He started touching me, **** his kisses on me."

Damn nobles. Are there truly no just ones around?

"Fortunately, I was supposed to meet up with my boyfriend. When I wasn't there, he continues on his way to my house. We always took the same road, so he knew where to find me. By the time he found me, the nobleman was already touching my breasts. Heben saved me by punching the nobleman and we ran to safety. Unfortunately, the nobleman went straight for the constable and accused my boyfriend of commiting a crime."

"Let me guess. He accused your boyfriend of ****?" I ask.

"Worse." Shalia answers. "He accused my boyfriend of an attempt at his life."

“What?” I ask surprised.

With my concentration broken, my side of the spell failed and the water was about to fail. Shalia quickly takes over and continues the flow of water by herself.

“Keep concentrating, Darx.” Shalia says. “You can’t afford your spells to fail in the middle of a fight, simply because you got surprised or distracted.”

I nod and take control of my side of the stream again.

“So, what happened then?”

"My boyfriend was apprehended and put in jail. I pleaded with the constable to have my boyfriend released, that the accusations were false and he was innocent. But he told me I had to talk it out with the accusor. So, I went to the nobleman and I heard his ultimatum. He wanted me to marry him. If I did, my boyfriend would go free. If I refused, he'd stay in jail forever."

"So what did you do?"

"I went to the jail and told my boyfriend about it. With him being in jail, he had no idea what was going on. I didn't want him to come out and see me already wed. I wanted him to know about it before it happened. Now I realise it is the worst thing I could have done. See, in order to 'save' me, he decided to hang himself in his cell."

Again, I was about to lose control of the stream. This time I was able to correct myself and keep it going.

“Shit. I ... I don't know what to say.” I say. "What did you do when you found out?"

“I cried of course. But the day after the nobleman was there again. He told me how sorry he was for my loss, that he had never wanted it to go this way and gave me some money to soothe my pain. I took it, but not to soften the blow of my lover's ****. I used the money to travel to Riledo. Since then, my goal is to use his own money to become an adventurer, become strong and then go back and avenge my lover."

I am stunned. I don’t know what to say. To have your boyfriend end up dead simply because you wanted to stay faithful to him. How fucked up is that?

"How exatly will you avenge your lover?"

"I'll kill him." Shalia says coldly.

Kill? Like Noah tried to do to Mr. Enzo?

“Are you sure his **** will justify your lover’s?” I ask.

Shalia pauses for a moment, then she says, “I don’t know. Probably not. Maybe it really better to start my life anew. To forget about my parents, my lover, pretend that my past never happened.”

That is similar to what Kiara suggested. Right now Shalia is carrying a painful load. She can either hold on to it and let it consume her, or put it next to her and move on. Applying Kiara’s suggestion to someone else suddenly makes it sound so logical. Perhaps that’s because I don’t feel as emotional about Shalia’s pain as I do about my own.

I then tell Shalia the same as what Kiara told me yesterday. Except for the part where Kiara told me she’s with the Dark Dragons of course. That I keep secret. My hope is that she at least thinks about leaving her pain behind. In turn, I will think about it more serious as well.

After lunch; Kiara had me practice with Wendy. In the morning, Kiara had Leona teach Wendy how to use a shield to best deflect an incoming attack. Now it is my turn to attack her and help her practicing deflecting. She is pretty good for a beginner, but I still have to correct her on her stance from time to time.

After a while, we switch it up a bit by helping her train her sword strikes against a practice dummy. Once I felt she had enough practice, I let her train on me. First, I let her get a couple of strikes which I blocked with my sword. Then I start giving return strikes. The first one caught Wendy off guard, but for the next ones she was **** into switching between attacking and defending.

When we’re getting to the end, Kiara wants to give us a little test.