Intermission: Reflections

In Emma Jackson's twenty-one years, she has managed to grow into a very intelligent person. Her parents helped her with it. They showered her in love. She had always received presents for good grades in preschool. These gestures hadn't spoiled her or made her arrogant. Most of the time she'd wanted books. At first stories like almost every child her age loved to read. Adventure stories. Animal stories. Emma always liked the books in which women were the heroines. She always imagined what it would be like to be Emilia Ehrhardt. Or Marie Curie. Or another woman who had changed the world forever. At some point she had written so many good grades that she ran out of books. She switched to novels. Here the field was much, much bigger. She needed a lot of good grades to wish for the novels and her parents joked that if Emma went on like this they could open a library soon. And she got a lot of good grades. At some point there were no novels for her age group anymore and so she had skipped a year, in books as well as in school.

It was difficult for Emma to find friends. The subjects she wanted to talk about did not interest anyone and the areas in which she shone were too difficult, too dry and too boring for the others. So Emma was much alone as a child. This made her read more books, which made her drift even further away from her classmates. The bad thing was that she was intelligent enough to understand this fact, but couldn't do anything about it. So it went on till school. She had already established herself as a bookworm and her reputation preceded her, as is common with children of this age. Only her friends had shown her that you could have fun without books. She had few friends, but she had found one of her closest companions in Megan. Karen and Rachel came later, the last one being Carrie.

Emma was happy about the girls' company. Although none of the others was still interested in her topics and she was - with the exception of Carrie - far ahead of the others in terms of knowledge, but at least she had company. Emma could talk to Carrie, also about topics that were too high for others, but unfortunately Carrie did not show any social behavior, but rather the elbow mentality, like it was the order of the day in the hallways of power. Emma couldn't keep up. Again she was intelligent enough to be able to watch everything but too shy to do anything about it. But at least she was no longer alone. Even if it didn't really help with boys.

The girls grew up, the subjects swung around more and more and Emma felt left behind in her puberty. She studied the men around her, but there was only one of them besides her father, her far too little brother, and her schoolmates. Without sufficient research material, Emma had to rely on one subject alone. Not a sufficient basis for an adequate thesis. But he helped her understand the opposite sex better. It was only late that she realized that she really liked talking to the boy, watching him and studying his patterns in life. His preferences and manners were strangely interesting to her.

Her first true love - or maybe just a love affair - had been a sports ace at her school. Muscular, angular chin, short tousled hair and distinctive upper arms made her heart beat faster. But the boy had been more interested in Karen, who quickly wrapped him around her finger with her bust size and striking behavior. That had hurt Emma amazingly, but of course she couldn't take action against Karen. Even if she brought her new friend to some meetings and showed him around the school playground.

Her attention had wandered again and landed on the same boy who had her first thoughts. He hadn't changed, what Emma liked, and the day she dusted off her notebook about him and found everything as she remembered it, is still well in her mind. Again she watched him from afar but realized that she liked to approach him. All from a purely scientific point of view, of course. Megan would not have liked it if Emma had interfered in her private life. And after Karen found out that the guy she stole from Emma wasn't really a gentleman, Emma was glad to be able to focus on another subject. But unfortunately she still had this annoying need to find out what it was like to have a boyfriend like Carrie, Karen and soon Megan too.

The boys Emma had a crush on all had one thing in common. They liked to watch television. Whether after sport, or after a game or the day they had spent with their sisters. They all enjoyed watching TV. So Emma decided to approach this field too. She asked her friends, some of whom had already had experience with boys, what they liked to watch and went to the video store. The scary ones Karen suggested to her were much, much... much too bad. Especially since she had dolls that looked very similar to those from the films. Carrie had shown her political series that Emma was interested in, but knew that wouldn't help her with the boys. Rachel had such a freaky taste that Emma could not stand it for two minutes and had almost shouted and left the house to the laughs of her friend.

The day the yellow text first wandered into space and the iconic music of John Williams had filled her ears was one of the days in her life that Emma would never forget. A new hope had come into her life. Now she could strike back against life without boys and when she returned to school... she had to learn another truth about life and boys.

It was the first time she'd noticed that boys didn't always like it when you knew more about something than they did. It had annoyed her, but she didn't know how to deal with it. So she had turned to Carrie, who had told her that men shouldn't be given everything and that Emma could be proud of herself. In the near future and with the company of her friends, Emma blossomed without revealing any of it. She enjoyed staying in the background, letting the others talk and still feeling part of a group. The parties the girls took Emma to were not to her liking and she preferred to guard the girls' handbags when they were having fun on the dance floor, but that didn't bother her either. Somehow she was happy now that she had friends. And by sacrificing herself for her friends, at least she had time to think. About a galaxy far, far away and the heroes there. And she had time to think about her research subject. When she watched Megan dance on the dance floor with her boyfriend, Carrie, how she dominated her boyfriend, and Karen, who got pissed bacause of hers, she had enough time to ponder what it would be like to have a boyfriend herself. And she was intelligent enough to notice that she always dreamed of a subject that would never enter her life.

Finn was a boy who surprised Emma every time she met him. Every time she thought she had judged him correctly, he said or did something that surprised her. She had long been used to writing her thoughts and theses in a small notebook, so she didn't forget anything and could later recall her thoughts. Otherwise she didn't need any help to remember, but when she was with Finn it was as if her mind no longer obeyed her. And she enjoyed it, even if she didn't know why she felt that way. But her notes didn't help her either.

The first entry she scribbled in her book was: Finn likes the films I like. Be careful with your knowledge.

The second entry on the same day shortly after that was written down more hastily and excitedly: Finn reacts positively when I tell him about my ideas about the Darth Jar jar theory!

The third entry - she still knows she had written it in bed the night after- was more controlled: The subject seems to respond well to criticism of his favorite topics. Eventua

Then she had to cancel the entry.

The fourth entry was wild again and with shaky handwriting: Finn wrote me a text!

Emma had only realized after a year or two that she was in love with Finn. The day he had once held the car door open for her - a normal gesture actually, especially for him - she had understood it. She doesn't know if her friends noticed, but she didn't feel so well from that day on. At first she hadn't understood what she felt for him. When she had analyzed it and could logically explain why her stomach felt strange when Finn hugged Megan, the bad feelings came. The way he treated Megan chewed more and more on Emma. Especially since at that time her own brother also started not treating her very nicely. She often had to take care of him and forbid him things that parents should actually do. And every time she visited Megan at home or the friends had a party at 'Lynchwood-Mannor', it got worse. Finn always treated her very courteously, politely and kindly. No matter how nervous and shy she was, he always had a saying for her about the latest Syfy series or films or the latest History Channel Dokumentary. And every time she didn't have the words to make a nice conversation out of it, Megan, Karen or Millie came and distracted Finn from her. At some point Emma had given up craving for Finn and just enjoyed being able to spend time with him. She knew only too well that it would do nothing and lead to nothing the way she dealt with him. And whenever she saw Megan and Millie, she secretly knew that his heart was already full.

When she received the invitation for the birthday of Megan, she instinctively wanted to report sick. But she knew it was rude and childish. And then Megan had said Finn would be happy to come with them. Without further thinking, she had agreed. Emma knew exactly what Megan was up to. The gestures were only too obvious. Sometimes she had to go somewhere quickly as soon as she was in a group with her and Finn. Then she always brought her brother to her meetings and literally dragged him close to her. Or sometimes she asked such weird questions about films that everyone had to understand. But Finn and Emma patiently explained it to her and giggled at inside-jokes and fan knowledge. But Finn had always turned to Megan and she after him and Emma knew that she would not get closer to her lover. She had accepted it.

It was different in her imagination. Megan and Millie were simply not there so Finn could concentrate fully on Emma. For a while, Emma had fun with these fantasies. But here, too, her intelligence thwarted her calculations. His behavior, which made Emma fall in love with Finn, came from his intimate connection with his sisters. Emma just hoped that one day the feeling would spread to her. But removing Millie and Megan from the equation resulted in a structure that was not... realistic. As realistic as it could be to love his best friend's brother.

From then on, Emma deliberately fantasized differently. First she tried that the siblings had quarreled and Finn was devastated seeking comfort in her arms. That was a big mistake. She quickly realized that she was overwhelmed even with the questions Finn asked her in her head. And when her fictional Finn confessed his love for his sisters and Emma recognized the feelings he described only too well in herself, she knew it. She had cried for hours when she realized Finn loved his sisters, and the next few days and meetings with the group had confirmed her suspicions. When you first looked closely, everything was so clear. And again, her intelligence hadn't helped her, just showing her the brutal reality of the world. Finn could love her... maybe... but she wouldn't be able to tie the bond he had with his siblings.

So she had started thinking different thoughts, dreaming other dreams. And so her behavior had changed. The night after Finn once told how he saved Millie from her boyfriend at the time, Emma had fantasized about being controlled by Finn the first time. The idea was born out of desperation to find a way to get to him. It should have been the terminus for her thoughts. But instead she had experienced something that surprised her. She liked to imagine what Finn would do to her if he had the chance. Of course, she didn't reveal her most intimate thoughts to anyone and often imagined what it would be like to have a relationship with Finn that wasn't based on dominance. But she also openly admitted to herself that it was easy to think of a world where she could be with Finn, and he still could be happy with his sisters. She wanted nothing more than to feel his closeness and affection. But she couldn't imagine being the one who ruined the relationship with his sisters. Precisely because she knew what it was like when the sibling didn't like you. No, she couldn't answer for that. 'Either me or your sisters' was a sentence that she couldn't hear herself saying in all her imaginations. But if she imagined she would be by his side and Megan would come into the room and smile knowingly, she could imagine him. Then she could imagine going on dates with Finn, watching TV, and then thinking about things that would have made her blush a while ago.

Carrie had been trying to bring Emma and Finn closer together for a while now, just like Megan. But Emma had always disagreed. The belief was too great that Finn would ignore her. Then even Megan started pushing her closer to her brother almost like she wantet the two to be together and Emma didn't understand what had changed so drastically. But before she knew it, she was already in the car on the way to the lake house and on an adventure that she could not imagine. And when Megan had sneaked into the guest bedroom and woke her up, she hadn't even noticed the nightgown. It was only when they were standing in front of the door that Emma realized what was going to happen. And she was scared. But Megan knows what's good for Emma. The two have been friends for a long time. And with the words 'you will regret that for the rest of your life if you do not go into this room' she gave Emma to her feelings and fantasies.

But now everything is different. It is already morning and the sun is shining in orange and red over the edge of the forest at the other end of the lake when Emma opens her eyes. The last thing she remembers is the feeling of being completely filled. Not just physically, but also mentally. She smiles and opens her eyes crusted with scab and sweat. She is no longer where she lost consciousness and happily realizes that someone has wrapped her in the blanket on whom she lost her virginity a few hours ago. That feeling... it still accompanies her. When she feels her body, she sees no difference. All muscles hurt from last night's exertion, but it's a good pain. Because now she is a woman. No, that's not it, she realizes. It is the knowledge that she has now found someone who likes her the way she is. The one who supports her with what she likes and who loves her. And it is the knowledge that what she dreamed of was the only chance to be with the boy she loves. And all thanks to the person she most desires in life. Finn.

Now she's getting livelier. She lifts her head from the soft pillow and rubs her eyes. Next to her are Finn and Megan - both naked - and entwined. They lie on their side, their faces facing Emma. Both sleep peacefully and Megan wears dried sperm on her face to contrast the peaceful situation. Emma giggles slightly and touches herself under the covers between her crotch. Here, too, she finds her friend's traces. She exhales contentedly and looks at the two lovers. Slowly she starts using her mind again. She has never experienced being so completely isolated from the world. In her fantasies she could never imagine what it would be like. But she liked it. A lot. Somehow, she knows that last night's sex wasn't 'normal'. Quite apart from the fact that she is now in a four-way relationship. Nothing in the least disturbs her and Emma tries to figure out why.

Would Carrie approve to what she did? As Emma looks at the peaceful and relaxed face of Finn, her boyfriend, she realizes that she doesn't care. She doesn't just care how she was treated by the two yesterday, she even likes it. At first she was a bit shocked by the knowledge, but then it seemed logical to her. And when Finn slowly opens his eyes, looks at her and is startled, she understands it. The way his arm wraps around Megan first, the way he looks at Emma, then Megan. He is embarrassed. It took a lot of effort to reveal himself to Emma. It actually took Megan to push him that far. He could just have been happy with his sisters. But the proof that he can also make Emma happy lays before her. For letting her into his life, opening his heart to her, just because it's already so full, that's what makes Emma trust him completely. The look that he gives her tells her everything. He doesn't want her as a trophy. He already has more women than society thinks is right. But he doesn't want to see Emma suffer. What is the price for submitting to the person you love? And especially if you think he's fucking you fucking awsome. And so Emma decides on her own will that for her it means the world to keep that loving look on his face. This is how she realizes that submission is something wonderful for Finn, Megan and even for herself. Having someone who is there for you, even if the world is throwing stones at him, is the most wonderful feeling. Emma knows that Finn has feelings for her. That he doesn't want to make her suffer is the reason why she loves him. And even if he can not return the feelings, he makes every effort so that she can wake up happily in the morning. Sure, that's not normal. But what is the alternative? Staying away from Finn just because he doesn't love her alone? Who would be helped with that?

Emma is smart, she knows that. So smart that she can rethink her own actions afterward. But even when she looks into the eyes of her boyfriend and lover, she can see no catch from the fact that she has submitted to him. She likes it, he likes it and definitely Megan likes it. And Finn is the one who worries the most. _What kind of man feels guilty when a woman offers him free access to her body and soul? Which man wouldn't use it? And Finn had to be persuaded by me and Megan. And he still doesn't completely agree. I'll have to convince him to keep me because he likes me too much._ And with a smile, Emma Jackson realizes that this is the key so that she can make him happy.

• I've had a dream last night. You supported me on https://www.patreon.com/writingshark with a tiny amount of money and I was so happy. I know, silly dream. Such things only happen in erotic novels and on funny porn sites. Well, a man can still dream.