Intermission: I'm Nobody (Part II)

The toilets of the disco in Seacrest are covered with white tiles and beige wallpaper. Bright neon light fills the room and only the muffled bass of the music penetrates the thick walls. The room is deserted and the cubicles on one side of the room are just as unused as the sinks with mirrors above on the other side. For a brief moment the loud music penetrates the room unhindered as Karen and John crash through the door and hastily stumble into the room. The girl clung to the boy and caught him in a deep and wild kiss while they stagger through the room without paying attention to their surroundings. Karen can't think straight. She only sees John and her only goal is to prove to him, the world and to herself that she is valuable, that she can like someone and that she is in control of her life. She wants to prove it to everyone, but above all to herself. Right? Whenever her thoughts get too dark or complicated, she intensifies her efforts again to **** John with her tongue in his mouth.

"Lead me" she gasps as the boy pulls away from her and gasps for air with a mad gaze on her body. She is back with him quickly and falls into his arms. “Show me the way. Do whatever you want with me.” Karen Grant has never spoken to a guy like this before, but her head is too foggy and clogged with thoughts to care. She notices how John lets his hands slide around her body and she likes that. It gives her hope that everything hasn't changed and that she is still important to someone. She presses the boy's head between her plump breasts. John groans suppressed and dull. He then grabs Karen and gets her to let out a happy giggle that is interrupted when her body is pushed hard against the partition wall of a toilet cubicle. The rickety construction on which some graffiti are painted wobbles threateningly.

"Oh God," her partner whispers and turns Karen around. Laughing with satisfaction, she falls through the door into the cabin and willingly leans on the cistern. She throws her lover a lustful look over her shoulder that she has used hundreds of times and as always it doesn't miss the effect. Karen is happy that she can still play the game. It doesn't matter if Finn turned her group and her self-esteem upside down and changed it, she can still prove to him...

"No..." John immediately lets go of her and drives the girl to a frustrated moan.

"Sorry…"

"Not because of you. It's okay," she calms him down, reaches back with one hand and grabs John's collar. "Give it to me sweetheart." The two didn't even know each other for an hour and it must be an overwhelming act for John to be here in the girls' bathroom.

"Are you sure?" He looks around nervously and Karen sees doubt in his eyes.

"Yes I am" she moans and tries to pull the boy to her. But he resists, a reaction Karen doesn't know either. "Please," she begs with her lips pressed together. "I want it. Show me that I am pretty and desirable.” John pulls back from her even further until his back hits the closed cabin door. Karen doesn't understand what is happening and that scares her - like so much on this evening. "Fuck my brains out." Yeah, that's the Karen she knows. And John can't hold out much longer. She gives him the last bit as she bends over and slowly pushes her white skirt up over her bum. Everything is spinning in her head and the only things that can struggle through the fog of **** are the fear of being alone in this world, the guilt she feels towards John and... Finn. The pleasure is washed out of her gaze and is replaced by something else. Something honest. And John notices it too. Karen realizes that it is this honesty and vulnerability that drives John, not her flaunted horniness. She can't work with this realization and so she just helplessly lifts her bottom towards her lover. As he puts his hands on her bare flesh and feels the fabric of her panties, Karen escapes a hoarse moan.

"Yes this is good. Keep it up.” John's eyes widen with pleasure. He looks at his lover one last time and Karen tries hard to make her look as **** as possible. She doesn't know why it helps, but she doesn't care either. Her eyes close as the boy's hands move on her. Then everything happens very quickly. John finally loses the fight against his temper, feverishly fiddles with his belt and when his pants fall on the white tiles between his feet, Karen is happy. "Fuck me you stallion" she exclaims as John pulls down his white underpants. Then she feels his hands on her hips. He leans down to her and gently strokes her hair.

“You don't have to say that Karen,” he whispers. "I think you're beautiful even without such words."

“I… I don't know what else to say. I only know it like that,” Karen mumbles shyly with her face towards the tiles. She feels **** and insecure but also secure. Everything confuses her. But John helps.

"Tell me you want it." A small smile falls on her lips but John lifts his finger. “Think about it well. You are important to me.” Karen has a lot to say to John, but she doesn't know how to. She follows his request and listens to herself. Inside, however, she only finds wild rustling and thick fog. She has to rely on John. He seems calm and relaxed now that she is crouching in front of him with her bare lower body. So do I want him? Do I want to have sex with him in the disco toilet, not even an hour after I met him? Her thoughts are slow and clumsy and get lost a few times in the labyrinth that is her head. But it's the look that John gives her that brings her back on track. She sees him every time her eyes find his for a few moments before they begin to wander again. Even if they haven't known each other for long, she trusts him. Yes, she is afraid to move outside her usual behavior and interact with other people, but through John, she has the security to face the changed situation. He saw her in a way that no one has ever seen before. He looked through her facade and saw the Karen, who rarely shows herself to anyone else. It's too easy to pretend when you're pretty and have big tits. Not many have the gift to resist beauty and so far Karen Grant had felt irritated by these people at best, and at worst felt repelled by them. When John comes closer to her and Karen feels his boner on her bare buttock, she understands that these are the right people for her. John is the one for her.

"I want it" she moans and laughs at the same time with relief. She finally got it. “I want it so badly.” John swallows his fear and comes a little closer.

"I-I don't know how..." he whispers, making Karen giggle. First John is startled but the girl can calm him down.

"This is new for both of us," she says and grins. "Let's do this together, okay?" John nods eagerly.

"God, I'm so excited." Karen is not used to it not getting straight to the point. Even through her intoxication, she notices how much pleasure she feels. A thin strip of juice runs down the inside of her thigh. Not only John is excited, Karen can't wait either, but it's not the same pleasure that she feels as usual. With nervousness, John begins to tell aloud how unlikely this whole thing is. He tells of his disappointing life, how beautiful Karen is, that he doesn't want to **** her but still wants her. Karen doesn't know any of this, but she understands him. She can't think clearly, but feelings for John don't need thought.

"Hey," she whispers, trying to make eye contact. "I want that. I like you and want to show you that I like you, okay?" John nods again. "It's OK."

"Okay." Karen bends over the toilet cistern again. It's a dirty, too bright and flashy place, but the two lovers don't care. John looks at the girl in front of him one last time and realizes that soon he will no longer be a virgin. Karen realizes that her life will be different from tonight too. She's too dazed to wonder what's going to change, but when John pushes between her welcoming and moist walls, she doesn't care. She has had sex many times, but this time it's different. Whenever she had slept with one of her applicants, it was always about getting something. After the deal was closed, everyone had their part of it. The lucky one was blessed to sleep with Karen and put another line on the to-do list while Karen had fun and at the same time proved that she was enjoying her life. After that, the parties split up and the game started all over again.

When John penetrates Karen and starts pumping his cock into her with frantic thrusts, Karen is not concerned with affirmation. She knows deep down that it's not like it used to be. With John, it's not about her fun or the sanction of her life. She's been left sitting at the bar, abandoned by her friends and exposed by Finn. It's all about showing John - and herself - that life is more than insignificant encounters and actions.

"That feels so good," John gasps and his fingers close tightly around the hips of the girl in front of him. Karen supports herself with her arms on the smooth, cold tiled wall and has a content smile on her lips. She feels good and is not all about sex. John is still unsure of his movements and actions and Karen quickly realizes that it is indeed his first time with a girl. She gets dizzy at the thought of being the one to prove to John that he's a man now. He deserves it and Karen is happy that she got something for free on this strange evening. What started with confusion and fear is now turning into determination. Leaning forward, her breasts wiggling in the tight tube top and her skirt hanging around her stomach, Karen Grant smiles with her eyes closed. She starts moaning softly when John fastens his thrusts. He won't last long but that doesn't bother her. John has other qualities than just his body or his ability to have sex. He is nice and friendly and he sees Karen the way nobody sees her. Except... He's taken care of her because he thinks she's beautiful, but not in the way the other guys do. He recognized her inner being, saw how she really is, understood her worries and fears and supported her in healing. Just like…

“Oh Go-od this is so-ho go-od. You feel... so go-od... Karen. Are... Are you okay?” John can hardly believe how lucky he is but still thinks of her.

"That feels great John" cheers Karen her lover on. He goes to great lengths to please her, tries hard for her even though he hardly knows her. He doesn't care if he's okay, John just worries about Karen. Just like... "Keep going, please." John grabs Karen tighter and her legs soften. A familiar feeling spreads between her legs and travels through her stomach and hips to her knees and arms. “Go on!” Her legs begin to tremble, her breathing accelerates. She feels John inside her. His dick moves in and out of her. It's not the biggest she's ever had, far from it. But it feels fantastic. And her brain also screams out its lust. It feels so good to be connected to him. John is someone Karen can trust even when she's feeling down. With John, she doesn't have to pretend and play her role that she has imposed on herself and of which she only now understands what it is asking of her. "That's so good... John."

"I... I think I'll be there... soon..." her lover presses out between his teeth. "May I…"

"Yes please," gasps Karen. Her sore muscles tighten. She feels her nipples brush stiffly over the fabric of her top. Cool air flows around her moist snatch and lets her chill lightly on her legs where the wetness runs while the rest of her body burns with desire. Karen doesn't know what is happening to her. It's the mixture of **** and lust that clouds your brain, but that's how she wants it. No thinking now... John pumps faster and faster into her, makes her breasts shake and lets her arms buckle against the wall. She too feels her climax approaching. The tension between her thighs keeps increasing. Smacking noises penetrate the cabin and do their part to turn off her brain. It is a wonderful feeling to let go and to feel a person who only wants the best for her and Karen Grant is completely absorbed in it. The last remnants of her self-control give way to pleasure, which increases to the point of unbearable lust.

"I'm coming!" John calls out in a triumphant outcry and bends over her body. Karen feels how he thrusts into her a few more times even faster and is overjoyed. The feeling of having done something good for John also drives her over the edge and she willingly lets herself fall into her lust.

"Ha... Ha!" With that, Karen feels the waves of her orgasm breaking down on her. She presses her eyes shut as she tenses. It's the same feeling as usual, but John makes the experience a thousand times better. "I'll come for you..:" she gasps and John hurries to thrust into her a few more times. In her inner eye, Karen sees John, who has done so much for her. Just like... With this experience recognizes the feelings of Megan and Emma. She now understands what they are feeling. For... Now she knows how to live her life. Thanks to... Her orgasm washes her away, she has never felt it so strongly. It is a new experience and her overwhelmed mind can no longer distinguish between reality and imagination. Karen comes with a hoarse scream that hurts her throat. Her fingers clench on the white porcelain above the dirty toilet. Her nails scratch hard over the surface. Her hair falls on her face and her arms press against her ears and seal them off from John's lustful moans. Karen is so happy and at the same time overwhelmed as seldom in her life. A single thought shoots through the darkness of her deactivated brain like a flash of lightning. I've lived my life wrong. I have the wrong values ​​and ideas. That scares me. But I now know that there is someone I can trust. Drops of her juice land lodly on the white tiles between her legs as John squirts his sperm into her opening and is in heaven. Karen follows him. Another thought in the middle of her unprotected and naive extasy. It was not my friends who turned away from me, but I from them. They found the right way and now I discovered it too. All thanks to... Subconsciously she bites her lip to keep her lust and her thoughts inside. But it doesn't help. John is too good. The last thought brings light into the darkness of her inner being and goes hand in hand with her diminishing orgasm that has left her shaken. I have found a man who treats me the way I have always wanted. John had to show me first but now I understand. It does not help. She has only recently known John, but he deserves the truth. He was so good to me, helped and understood me. He was the only one who was there for her that evening. Not Carrie, not the guys on the dance floor, not the barmen. John was there for her and even if they only met for a short time, he deserves the truth. I found someone I want to spend my life with.

"I love you Karen," John gasps as Karen comes down from her climax. He gently massages her sensitive breasts and pinches her nipples with too little ****. "I know this is way too early, but fuck it, I love you."

"I..." Karen can hardly speak so good was her orgasm. She notices how her head starts to hurt and the throbbing behind her forehead is getting worse every second. Yet she feels nothing but joy, affection and determination. "I love you..." John can't breathe from fear. He looks down at his lovers sweaty body as it slowly sinks down the dirty wall of the cabin and comes to rest on the edge of the toilet. "I love you…"

"Karen... my God..."

"I love you... Finn..."

---

John freezes first. It takes a few seconds, then also with Karen the knowledge penetrates through the mist of lust. Time seems to stand still while the words find their way into the minds of both of them, nestle there and spread their poison.

"What?" It's just a low whisper, an incredulous question, admitting the truth. John has to ask that question, and so has Karen to answer it. Except that she doesn't. She hangs in his arms, both of them breathe heavily while their words hang in the air and decompose everything they had built up in the last hour. If Karen weren't already paralyzed by the scope of her betrayal, she'd wonder why he's still supporting her. Slowly she gets up and turns to the boy, neither of them noticing how their physical connection separates as well as their emotional one. The feelings of the last few minutes are blown away and forgotten. "What?" Asks John again, still in a monotonous voice and without reaction in his facial features. "Who..." Only now does he fully realize what just happened. He shakes his head in disbelief. Then once again. "Who is Finn?"

All of a sudden, Karen realizes what a terrible mistake she made. The knowledge of her failure breaks in on them and almost forces her to the ground. Staggering, as if dazed, she turns to John. It wasn't him she saw in her mind. It wasn't John she thought about all evening. She too has to shake herself to fight the spreading deafness. Her hand wanders to her forehead trying to turn back time. But there is no awakening from this nightmare.

"He... my girlfriends... I know him..." She doesn't know what to say. Dazed and confused, there is no way out that does not mean destruction and despair for her and John. She failed. She found someone she trusted, lost him just to find someone else. And now she has betrayed that one too and abused him. There is only one way out. A coward's way out. Under the incredulous looks of John, Karen adjusts her outfit more badly than right without worrying about the moisture on her legs and the semen in her. All of her affection and trust have been sucked out of her body into the dark vacuum of the all-devouring nothing that is the world for her. There is only one way out that shows John that it is not his fault. Karen willingly walks into the dark. "Sorry..." she says without looking at her victim and pushes past his limp body out of the cabin. Then she leaves the toilet, passing other girls on the corridor to the dance floor. On the floor she ignores her other friends and turns to the exit. Poison arises in her innards and mixes with the acid in her head. Everything hurts, but Karen almost enjoys the pain. She deserves it.

Her way leads out of the disco into the cool evening air. There are people everywhere on the streets. Some want to go to the disco, others only cross her path briefly. The girl doesn't notice any of them as she walks across the street without noticing the world around her. It's a pleasant evening for others, but not for Karen. Her path leads to the edge of a lawn in front of the lake where the disco is located. The sounds of the city decrease and the dark, mirror-smooth surface of the water spread out in front of her. What have I done? she wonders. But no matter how often she asks the question, the answer is always the same.

Karen walks across the lawn with an ice-cold feeling in her stomach. At some point she just sinks to the ground, doesn't pay attention to whether her clothes get dirty and looks out over the cold, dark lake. The best thing she can do now is just sit around, not get too close to anyone, and wait for the moment when her friends will find the pile of dirt that she is. Those friends who aren't happy yet. And so it looks like Karen will spend the rest of the night alone.

When she then hears soft steps in the grass behind her, she doesn't know whether she should be happy about it or not. Her eyes have not yet got used to the darkness and so she cannot see the figure sitting next to her. Leave me alone! I just hurt people. But her wishes are not heard. With a certainty that she cannot find in herself, someone sits down next to her, pulls his legs up to his body and wraps his arms. Next to Karen, who is slumped cross-legged on the lawn, the person looks tall and confident. Briefly, she hopes that this person can help her, but the last one who tried gave her away.

"Hey." A life-despising laugh flows from his lips.

"What do you want here still?" The laugh from John is not very convincing but not angry.

“I don't know,” he confesses and is silent for a long time. Karen looks out at the lake sternly and doesn't dare to look into the face of the boy who has helped her so much. John starts a sentence several times but just draws air into his lungs. Karen can understand him. She too would like to say a lot to him, but doesn't dare and is only afraid of making things worse. So the two sit in silence by the lake and listen to the goings-on in the city around them. The music from the disco can be heard softly behind them, but there is hardly anyone on the dark lawn. After half an eternity, John can't stand the silence anymore. "I'm not angry Karen," he says quietly. He sits a little further away from her in the grass and moves his feet through the tufts without looking over at her. "I understand you... I think."

"I don't understand myself" replies the girl and makes John grin, which she doesn't see. More minutes pass. "Who is Finn, Karen?" asks John, not sounding accusatory. He's not asking about him, but because of her, and Karen owes him - and herself - a bloody answer. She takes a deep, **** breath.

“He's... We live in his family's house here by the lake. He is the brother of one of my friends. He... we're celebrating his birthday here and that of his sisters."

“Understand” John nods sympathetically. Karen is shocked at how calmly he speaks. She would rather he yell at her or insult her or punish her in some other way. "And how long have you been in love with him?"

"I dont know. I don't know if I love him."

"Mmm. At least it sounds like it to me.” John grins. "But you can never say that with love, right?"

"Could be." Even if the **** clouds her head, the voice of John helps Karen concentrate. Just like... Finn. He also has that gift. I think about him all the time.

"And what do you think of him?" John still doesn't get angry and helps Karen organize her thoughts. Slowly and heavily, with lots of jumps and aberrations, Karen tells John about Finn, the week at the lake, her worries about being alone, that her life is changing uncontrollably, that she wants to keep up and is afraid of having to rebuild everything but at the same time afraid of going the wrong way. The whole time John listens patiently, nods sometimes and, like Karen, watches the lake all the time.

“I don't know how I feel about him. It can't be love. There's so much fear and anger and confusion." John grunts in amusement.

“It sounds like love to me.” But Karen vigorously shakes her head.

"No. It's all too... dark and... confusing."

“But sometimes love is like that. Love is not always easy. Love is dangerous, it hurts and costs energy and stamina.” Karen never felt that way. She has been in love a few times in her life but it was always the men who threw themselves on her neck. She is even more shocked when she thinks that these people may have felt the same as she just felt. "Love is a feeling like any other and is made from different moods." Even over the distance between the two, Karen can hear John swallow. “That's why I'm sitting here now. Don't get me wrong, but that's not exactly pleasant for me,” he says in an astonishingly firm voice. “But I do that anyway. For you."

"Finn is just like that" replies Karen and realizes too late how devastating this line is. “You see?” she asks dejectedly. “Girls like me can't do that. We can only be used for the fast fuck."

"Hey, don't judge yourself so hardly." John leans over to her and pokes her shoulder lightly. Then he giggles. Just like Finn. "Even if we just had a quick fuck on the toilet."

“You think of others first, John. You're just like him."

"He seems nice then." That actually makes Karen giggle.

"He is." She becomes calm again and for the first time pays more attention to her feelings. “I've been thinking about him all the time. I don't know exactly why. He scares me because he makes me question myself. I... I was happy with my life. But he showed me very briefly that there is something else I can achieve. That scared me."

"Does that keep you from opening up for him?" That John asks so freely no longer amazes Karen.

"No. He would surely be disappointed in me if he knew that I think that way of him. He would be devastated. He likes to help people and is there for them.” She presses her lips together and looks at John for the first time. He smiles at her encouragingly and nods his head. “That's why I like him so much… I think. It doesn't occur to him to ask anything from me in return for his kindness.” Then she really has to laugh. "Except when I get too close to his little sister with my slutty demeanor."

"You're not acting slutty," laughs John and his shoulders rise cheerfully. “But why aren't you together yet? Doesn't he like you?” His voice sounds surprised and maybe even a little startled. Maybe he's just pretending to help Karen. She realizes she's too drunk to say that. But either way, it makes her happy. Then she imagines how she walks up to Finn in a sunny field, throws herself in his arms and kisses him. She pays close attention to the warm feeling that spreads in her stomach. Is that love? The feeling can be clearly felt, but cannot be compared with anything she has felt in her life so far. She tries to compare it to anticipation and it could be true. But then five other girls appear on the meadow and the feeling changes and reminds her of a test in school before which she did not study. She knows she will fail even if she so much wishes she wouldn't. And she knows it's her fault. She hopes no one can see through her, but by the end of the day, everyone will know.

"Hey, are you still there? Everything's okay”, John assures her and pats her arm again. Karen shakes her head and is back in Seacrest by the lake in front of the disco.

"Yes, everything's okay." John patiently waits for an answer. "I... I think... assume he likes me," she says very hesitantly and quietly. She is almost ashamed that Finn could like her.

"That's great!" Exclaims John and throws his arms up.

"But I can't..." Her vocal cords fail at the thought of Finn and his world. The feeling is clear. She wishes to live in this world that Emma and Megan entered. She wishes to be safe and to know that someone will always be there no matter what she does. All she had to do was try to please one person, not the whole world. She is afraid because that would mean no longer defining herself by her appearance but by the inner values ​​that are so important to Finn and she has no experience in that. What if she disappoints him? What if she hurts one of his girls and loses him as a result? Would Megan and Emma still stand by her even if she hurt their boyfriend? Could she go back to her old life? No. Even now, with the little contact she has had with Finn and his life so far, it is difficult to rely on men again who only see her looks. At the same time, Karen really wants someone to forgive her for her obvious mistakes. Can Finn do that? Does he even want that? He didn't pay much attention to me while we were at the lake. I also didn't behave the way he wanted me to. Karen is caught between a life that she is beginning to realize that has given her nothing and a boy she likes very much but who she may have already lost through this very life. "He will never... I will not do him justice."

“Does he already have a girlfriend?” asks John. Karen notices that she is drunk, but still knows about the danger for Finn and his girls if she gossips. She likes John but she also likes Finn. That alone hurts her soul because she disappointed both of them. The fact that she still thinks about the safety of the girls he is in love with should gratify her, but only makes things more difficult for her because she knows that this sacrifice will not bring anything. So she just nods her head. John lets his head sink. "Shit." In the greasy clutter in her head, Karen wonders how far she can go. She wants John to somehow help her deal with the situation. She feels infinitely lonely on this meadow that night.

"That... that wouldn't be a problem... I think," she murmurs softly and looks at John. He opens his eyes.

"Are you saying he would cheat on his girlfriend with you?" he gasps. "Karen, you know this is dangerous."

"No, Don't worry. It…” She bites her lip but now she's also looking worried at John. "It wouldn't be cheating." She gets sick with worry. She is too inexperienced in this domain to calculate the chances of Finn would still let her into his life. But if he didn't like what she just said to John it would be all over. Your two lives.

"Oh..." growls the boy next to her and looks dejected. "I understand. He's a real lucky guy huh?"

"He's not as I described him" defends Karen Finn and realizes exactly what she is doing. Also what she does to John.

“I don't think that kind of relationship can go well Karen. No offense. But one man and two women, that doesn't work.” Karen even has to smile a bit, but the delight only lasts for a short time. "Are you sure you love him?" John looks pained. “I just don't want me to help you run into your doom, okay? It has nothing to do with me. But are you sure you want this life? The three of you?"

“No,” Karen shakes her head and is shocked at herself. “I... I don't know what I want. Or rather: I know exactly what I want. But I can't say if I want Finn, or his life in that regard. I hardly know him.” But that didn't stop the other girls either. “I can imagine that I can have a good life with him. He's nice, funny, understanding, courteous, intelligent, empathetic... actually everything I want.” She throws John an apologetic look. “You showed me tonight that I prefer these things to a man. Since I've been here at the lake, I've noticed that there is something that I miss in life. A-And I think that's Finn. I have only known for a few days that something is missing in my life and for even less time now I have believed that it is Finn who can give me this.” She laughs softly and holds her hand against her aching forehead. “I don't know if I want to go back to my old life. You showed me today that I wouldn't miss it. But what do I do if I don't have a place in his life."

"And you say he would take you as a girlfriend if you changed?" John sounds very knowledgeable. A man on a mission. Just like Finn. Karen feels safe with John. And with Finn.

"I don't know. Maybe it's too late. He has his... girlfriend and I was just the bombshell of our school for a long time. I just know that I'd rather be who I am now than how I woke up this morning.” The words are true, but they still surprise Karen. But they don't confuse her anymore, and that's a win. Her eyes are still on John who has not moved the whole time. “You said to me, girls like me don't have anyone when they're sad. I don't want that and I think that Finn is the one who I can be together with the way you want me to be.” When John laughs out loud, Karen is terrified. But it's a good laugh.

"That's the nicest thing you said to me tonight." And to her great surprise, Karen giggles too.

"Hey, at least I had sex with you." Now it is Karen who puts her hand on the grass between the two of them and at first John hesitates a little, but then takes the offer.

“That wasn't important to me, Karen. Okay... shit, it was the coolest moment of my life. But also kind of fucked up, right?"

"I... I wish this to be the last moment of my old life," mumbles Karen, now completely sure. "I wish that I can live like my friends and that I am safe."

"Friends? Plural?"

"Oh, they all already have someone like Finn," Karen waves off and is a little startled. Fortunately, John doesn't jump on it.

"So do you really want to change for him?"

"...Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Then she thought about something. "That means... I'm sure. Very sure. I'm just... afraid it's useless. That Finn pushes me away... Then I have no life at all."

"You know what I could say now, don't you?" John winks at her.

"That I'll always have a place with you?" Karen isn't really sure after everything she did to him today.

"Good. Then I don't have to say it. Then I prefer to say: You are a very special girl Karen. Always remember that it will be a lot of work to change your life. And under no circumstances can you do this for me or Finn, okay? You have to do it for yourself. That only works if you want to change your life because you will feel better then, okay?" Karen nods, but John stays with the matter. "It's really important. If this..." He inhales lightly. "Finn... If he realizes that you don't fit into his life, things won't work out. If he suspects it's just a trick or something, then he'll shut you down.” He breaks off and realizes that he may have gone too far. Karen notes with astonishment how much courage it takes in this situation for someone to work for one who will take away what one wants himself. All of that just for me. "You really trust him in that regard?" Now John sounds a little worried, but if there's one thing Karen is sure about, it's this.

"Yes. He will help me if I tell him how I feel."

"Okay..." mumbles John, not really convinced yet. Then Karen starts up when he jerks himself to his feet, stands up and offers her his hand. "Then come with me."

“What?” Karen asks surprised. "Where do you want to go?"

"Take a look around" John laughts and when Karen turns her eyes away from him for the first time, she recognizes the many people around her. She is in shock when she fears that some of them may have heard her but there are almost only couples here who are all busy with themselves. They all look out over the lake. Karen takes John's hand and lets herself be pulled a few dozen yards to the shore. When the first rockets explode over the lake, Karen understands. What John did for her today is second to none. Finn had offered it to her, but only now has she understood what is beyond the horizon and a not to bright light at the end of the lake shows her where her future lies. Then she feels a hand on hers. John stands next to her and looks at her, now another example of nervousness and insecurity. He put on his crooked grin that can't hide the trembling in his fingers. It's almost funny to think that he hasn't changed. But Karen has changed. Where she hadn't felt anything before, a knowing grin creeps onto her lips. She clasps his fingers in hers, lifts his arm to her waist and together they watch the spectacle over the lake.

"Damn shame", John whispers to himself. "You would have been a great girlfriend for me." This time Karen doesn't feel bad because now she knows how people like John and Finn see the world. And she wants to be seen that way too. Even if her future with Finn is uncertain, it is right to face the danger. I would rather try it with him and his girls than just be the eye-catcher for just one more nameless guy for one day. That is her goal and she feels good thinking about the future. Much is still open, a lot still needs a solution, but Karen is certain of one thing: this path is the right one for her. She hugs John who hugs her a little wistfully.

"I would have been happy with you, I'm sure of that." It's actually a sad situation, but thanks to John, Karen is doing well. And he too grunts satisfied. "Hey." Karen looks at him and grins cheekily, a reflection of the girl she wants to be. "We can still be friends."

"Wohow, that hurt?" laughs John and shudders. "Girl, are you not decent at all?"

"I let you jump me on the toilet after we talked for how long? Twenty minutes?” John moves his head even closer to hers.

"You whore" he grins cheekily.

"Not anymore," laughs Karen. Oh, what the heck? She kisses him on the lips, quick and fleeting, but it's a good way to end the evening for both of them. "Thank you."

"Good to hear," says John and is satisfied. Not because he got something, but because Karen found her way. Just like Finn.

---

After the firework is over, the two go back to the disco. For Karen it is as if she is seeing all of this for the first time and when her gaze falls on another girl at the bar, next to whom two guys are standing and talking to her, she sees herself from the outside for the first time. Rachel and the lanky boy sway slightly on the dance floor to quiet music. John shows him a raised thumb and the boy grins like a madman over the shoulder of Rachel. Carrie has not noticed anything from the adventure Karen has had and her transformation and looks up surprised from her cell phone display when she stands in front of the table with John. Susan and Claire look up at her with big eyes and Karen gives them a friendly smile.

“Who is that?” asks Carrie, pointing to John. Karen introduces him to the group.

"He's a... friend of mine," she says and turns her head to John who returns her gaze satisfied.

"Good for you. Rachel caught one too.” The two new friends exchange meaningful glances, but John is clever enough to keep his mouth shut. Before long Rachel and John's buddy walk to the table hand in hand. With sweaty hair and a satisfied grin, the friend of Karen throws herself on the bench next to Carrie while John places his buddy next to him.

"Did everyone have a good evening?" Rachel asks cheerfully and looks at Carrie doubtfully. Karen just nods and Rachel looks at John. When she seems to have found what she was looking for, she turns to the McKinleys. "And you?" The two girls just nod shyly and Rachel shrugs her shoulders. "Okay... all right." Then she pulls her purse from under the table and pulls out her cell phone. It takes a while to reach someone. "Hey buddy... if you don't mind. It's your day... Pfft, I just meant... In the disco in Seacrest... That fits well. We're waiting outside with our new friends.” Rachel hangs up and looks around. “Finn and Maureen are not far from here. They pick us up right away, then we don't have to call a cap."

"Finn and his girlfriend drove us all to the lake," explains Karen quietly to John. The group prepares to march, with John and his buddy accompanying the girls outside. Susan and Claire are getting more jittery with every passing minute, Carrie is concentrating on her cell phone and Rachel and Karen are busy with the boys.

Outside in the parking lot, the group talkes to each other for a few minutes. Karen notices that Rachel not letting go of her dance partner's hand, who is holding her fingers almost feverishly. Karen tries to do the same, but when she unobtrusively reaches out her hand to John he withdraws. He utters 'Finn' with his lips and Karen understands. She looks at her savior with grateful but also sad eyes. John just winks and grins broadly again, which makes Karen feel lighter. A new question comes to her mind: Why am I so lucky? And this time she also finds her answer. When Rachel snatches the cell phone out of her dance partner's hand to save her number in it, Karen and John look at each other first. With a blissful smile, Karen holds out her hand and is aware of the looks her friends give her as she types in her number. John stares at the screen as if enchanted and almost falls over when Karen wraps her arms around him and squeezes hard.

"Thank you" she whispers very softly. John pats her on the back. His fingers are just trembling a little. The group stands together for a while, talks and waits for the man of the hour. Karen is excited and stares the whole time at the street where she is waiting for Finn and his car. She's waiting for him to bring her home. What she will do afterward, she does not know and it is exciting. But she is no longer afraid. For this test she will study and her appearance will not matter.

"Someone can't wait to see Finn" Rachel teases in a good mood.

"It's his birthday and we wanted to congratulate him," says Claire and only then notices that she is not the one addressed. Karen averts her gaze from the road briefly, John still at her side, and just grins at Rachel without revealing much of her excitement.

"I just want to get to the house quickly," she says and plays her part so that no one can see that she has changed. Finn has to be the first to notice. Not just because Karen wants it that way, finds it somehow... romantic, but also so that Finn can see that she is working on herself. And because he can defend her if someone... most likely Carry, might have something so say against her plan to be the sixth out of six. It won't be easy to convince him. Karen got it wrong for a long time. But now she can do it right. And that makes her happy. ”The night was long enough. The firework was boring, my feet hurt and I'm tired,” she nags. Next to her, John grins knowingly.

"Sorry, Your Highness" suddenly a voice sounds from behind Karen and almost scares her to ****. Startled, the young Grant turns around and looks into the expressionless face of Finn Lynchwood.

"Finn!" she gasps in surprise and shock. Her heart slips into her pants when she realizes that she has just reached the wrong person with her deception. Finn has Maureen next to him who seems to be staying out of the situation as much as possible while has wrapped both arms around his. "What are you doing here?" Finn hesitates and Karen would like to sink into the ground.

"Didn't Rachel say that I would pick you up?" the birthday boy wants to know.

“Yes, I have,” Rachel complains without being too serious in her voice. "Stupid geese just wasn't listening." Karen looks pleadingly at Rachel who only now realizes that something is different with Karen. "Uh, but she also drank a lot," Rachel only makes it worse in her attempt to improve the situation and shows her faux pas with a twisted face.

"I thought so." Finn is still reserved, doesn't even look at Karen. Instead, his eyes land on the McKinleys who stand side by side and look at him expectantly. The stomach of Karen fills again with boiling lead.

"No, it wasn't like that," she tries to defend herself. It almost seems as if Finn has to tear himself away from the sight of the two girls who do everything to please him. His look reveals everything. He knows that she was drinking. Her stomach turns at the thought of the worst start to her unsure new life ever. "Finn, I didn't mean..." She doesn't know what to do next. She can't lie to him. He would know immediately and he is right too. She wanted to behave the way he thinks her to be. But only at the beginning, not now.

"Hey Finn, right? I'm John.” Her rescuer takes a step forward and holds out his hand to Finn. Karen looks at the gesture with concern. Finn is surprised at first, looks from Karen to the boy who laughs. “Yes, I can't believe it myself either. But Karen was my dance partner tonight. I…” He looks embarrassed at the floor. "It's my fault that she's filled up like this." Finn looks at him questioningly and appraisingly. "I wasn't doing so well today and Karen said she'd like to take care of me."

"I thought so right away," laughs Finn, but something in his laugh changes when he looks at Karen. "How did Susan and Claire behave?" he asks. It's actually addressed to all girls, but he looks at Karen.

“They were nice,” she says meekly. "Everyone behaved." Please believe me! She is mad at herself when she sees Finn doubt. Then he puts on a happy face again when he feels Maureen next to him. Karen wonders what she did to make Finn like her. Her stomach becomes heavy and the **** comes back. Her looks flash like a laser between Finn and John and she tries to smoothen the situation again. But then her Finn comes before her and smiles good-naturedly at her.

“Sorry Karen. That was unprofessional. I shouldn't have expected that from you. From all of you. I…” he clears his throat and looks first at John and his buddy, then at Maureen. "Thank you guys that I could spend my birthday with my girlfriend tonight." Then he bows deeply. “My transport services are available to you at any time.” And that completes the topic of 'Karen Grant and her profession and change' for him. Karen can't blame him, but the lead in her stomach starts to boil. She feels a hand on hers. John stands next to her and pats the back of her hand. But she missed her chance again. She could have reacted differently, should have reacted differently. She should have taken care of Susan and Claire. Finn likes that. She becomes dizzy when she sees Maureen approaching the siblings and talking to them while Finn talks to Rachel while laughing. It was a stupid idea! Karen thinks. She doesn't get any further. The thought is the last and her tormented and weakened body can no longer withstand the pressure of so much ****, dancing, worrying and fucking.

With one hand over her mouth and **** terribly, Karen runs out onto the lawn again. I will never make it happen with him! Her puke flies in a high arc through the air even before she comes to a stop and falls onto the cold grass. She wants to support herself with her hands on her knees, but her legs fail and she collapses on the lawn. Her vision is blurred and her world consists only of a pool of brownish slime that spreads between her outstretched arms and hands in the grass and becomes terribly large. I don't deserve him and this life. I can not do this. I don't know how. I will not come back to a normal life either. I'm dammed to life alone while the others will find their happiness

She feels how John crouches next to her on the grass and puts a hand on her back. In a flowing and skillful movement, the other runs over her cheek, brushes her shoulder-length brown hair from her face and prevents it in an improvised braid from falling into her face. The other hand gently pats and rubs her back. Then she sees his knee in her field of vision.

"Tha..." One last torrent of puke flies onto the ever-expanding pile between her trembling hands. Just like... John. She has to smile that he finally managed to get into her head. "Thank you" she finally brings out.

"No problem Karen." Her eyes widen and with a great effort she turns her head around. Finn gives her an understanding smile while towering above her.

"Finn." With one hand in her hair and the other which wanders under one shoulder, Finn just shrugs. Behind him, John watches with a triumphant grin.

"Come on," says Finn and moves his hands a little. His fingers run through her hair down to the back of her neck, sending a shiver of emotion through her body. Then he lifts Karen to her knees with surprising strength. “First, sit down. But not here.” He grins happily as he puts Karen back on the grass a few feet away. “Stay right here.” He rises and he not simply runs, he sprints back to the car. Susan and Claire track him with their eyes spellbound and Rachel grins at him as well while Maureen looks satisfied. Karen has meanwhile lost the ability to think again and just watches Finn unscrew the lid of a plastic bottle. "Here. Drink.” With weak hands Karen reaches for the bottle. The grin on his face only gets wider as his hand wraps around hers and together bring the bottle to her dry and smeared lips together. Karen, confused, takes a few sips with drops running down her chin. She is so embarrassed about all of this, but she also feels... safe. Exactly this feeling is what she wanted, she recognizes and finally solves the riddle of the evening. And Finn looks... satisfied.

"Thank you" Karen breathes as she sets the bottle down and looks at Finn nervously. Meanwhile, he seems to be in his element and even has to laugh.

"No problem. I told you.” He shakes his head. "The main thing was that you had fun tonight."

"Fun..." mumbles Karen. Finn doesn't respond to that.

"Yeah, fun." He shrugs. "That's your proved right. I shouldn't have treated you so severely. Sorry.” He looks over at Maureen. "My evening was... it started out very weird. I took that out on you. I'm very sorry for that. You can of course do what you do best and party. I am happy that you had fun."

"I can do it differently" she tries to explain to him and her voice changes. Finn notices this and looks at the girl at his feet.

"I know Karen," he assures her in a soft but serious voice. "I know." Karen is speechless. She still has a chance. Then Finn pats her head playfully and turns to John, who is standing a few feet away with folder arms and examining the two of them.

“I have to apologize to you too, John. That with the hair was just a reflex. I always do that with my sisters, I couldn't do otherwise. Sorry."

"It's okay," says John and looks at Karen. "I couldn't have done better."