...I'm in my room

In a few moments it will be time for my followup meeting with Sister Mary and I'm worried. The last week has been....interesting. For the first day I did feel able to focus and work similar to before the arrival of Sister Mary. Her massage appeared to have done the trick and my thoughts were easier to suppress and control. However the other six days have been very different. The last couple of days especially have been the most difficult and unfocused of my life. All I can think about is Sister Mary, her face, her chest, her slender hand grasping my...! I can't stop it! My brain is filled with the memory of our last meeting and I can't help but feel excited by the prospect of another similar one occurring today. But with this comes an **** sense of shame. I promised Sister Mary that I would focus on controlling my thoughts and I have failed her utterly. Disappointment floods my body in anticipation of admitting this to her in a few minutes. But along with this I sense part of me resisting this, arguing for me to neglect revealing this truth to Sister Mary in the hopes of getting her to touch me again. I know its wrong and flies in the face of everything I've been told and taught up until now but memory of the sensations I felt last time erode any resistance I through against this idea. My groin has been hot with desire for Sister Mary, more reactive than before, requiring me to hide my crotch from the other Elders whenever they're nearby. I'll be going about my business when unbidden into my mind appears the image of Sister Mary being covered with that hot, sticky spray from my end.

I don't understand why but this drives my penis into overdrive and it'll remain hard for ages after this until eventually it subsides and the familiar pain in my testicles rears it's ugly head.

And so here I am, outside her door, my mind a buzz with conflicting ideas and desires. I take a few steadying breaths, trying one last time to cleanse my mind, before I knock gently on the door.