...and I see...

...the smiling face of Sister Mary.

"Good Evening, I've been looking forward to this meeting." She tells me as she steps backwards to let me in.

"Me too." I hear myself say whilst my mind rages and swirls around in a furious internal debate. I walk forwards and sit in the same seat as last time as Sister Mary closes the door, walks past me around her desk and sits down on her own seat opposite.

"So, how have you been?"

"Good." I say, still teetering between two possible paths, not able to silence either voice in my head completely. To avoid having to look into her eyes I shift my gaze around the room with them coming to a stop when they reach the desktop. I notice a large shiny stain on the dark wood of the desk, no doubt from the substance that shot all over it last week. "Sorry about your desk..." I say, perhaps apologising for something will ease the guilty weight inside me.

"Oh, that's okay." She replies. "It was surprisingly tough to remove and I could only do so much. Neither of us knew it was going to happen though so don't blame yourself."

"Okay..." I say, that moment passing through my mind once again as we both look at the shiny stain. "What about your habit? Did it come out of that okay?"

"Mostly, it took a few thorough soakings and washes but now it's hardly noticeable."

"Right..."

"But never mind that, I want to know how your week has been, how has your studying been? Have you been able to focus more since our last meeting?". I pause before answering, a decision presented cleary in my mind. Do I confess everything? That this week has in fact been a complete write off, one in which I have struggled to focus on the very simplest things and have instead spent my time dwelling on those moments from last week's meeting, going through a repeating cycle of thoughts, growth in my genitals followed by the inevitable pain in my balls. Do I tell her this? Revealing that last week was a mistake, that it wasn't the fix for my problem at all and that we should never do such a thing again. Or do I lie, tell her that the last week has been for the most part great. That I have completed my studies and duties without any issues, that last week enabled me to focus on my work better than I have done in months and that it has only been the last day that I have had a hint of struggle and discomfort so perhaps another massage would be helpful. As all this runs through my mind in the milliseconds before I answer her enquiry and boils down to one simple question.