Holy Fuck!

When I was only a small baby I was left abandoned on the steps of this monastery. The Elders found me there and, taking pity on me, they decided to raise me even though the usual rules forbid anyone under twenty being allowed within this holy building's walls. Out of my gratitude to their kindness I have always been a diligent pupil, working hard at my studies and daily duties. In my 18 years on this earth I never strayed from the path set before me and have followed the Elders of our monastery, adhering to their commands and resisting all temptation set before me. Up until now this had been all I ever wanted, content with my life. Although I would have liked to see other people my age I am well looked after by the Brothers and Sisters of the monastery. This had been relatively easy to follow for me but recently things have changed. I no longer focus on my work, I find my mind wandering to improper places when I'm doing my duties and as for temptation....let's just say that has been the _hardest _struggle of them all. I can pinpoint this dramatic shift in my fortunes to one event....the arrival of Sister Mary.

She joined our monastery a couple of months ago and has been helping with my education, however since then I have began to stumble. Sister Mary is a lot younger than the other Elders, in her mid twenties rather than being in excess of sixty, which was a surprise for me when she arrived having never seen anyone even close to my age before. I also find myself noticing that she is very lovely to look at. Her pale face is extremely beautiful and more often than not during lessons I find myself getting lost in her grey eyes rather than hearing what her soft pink lips are saying. A few times I have had to scramble for an answer to a question she's asked that I've missed causing me to inevitably flush red with embarrassment, not that she points it out. Indeed she often favours me with a kind smile when I get caught in such situations causing my stomach to do summersaults. A crush would not be too much of an issue, something I could push through with enough devoted time and effort. However my feelings go far deeper than a crush. I get desires when I see Sister Mary, desires that are far from pure. I don't truly understand them, having not been taught about such feelings. No matter how much I try to ignore them though I find it impossible. I mentioned Sister Mary's facial beauty but lately her face is not where I find myself staring. I have noticed that her habit fits a lot tighter across her chest than the other Sisters and when I look at it I have a strange hot stirring sensation below my waist. If I continue to gaze at her torso for too long my....*ahem*....groin becomes engorged and.....well.....I am thankful that my desk keeps this out of sight of Sister Mary. This reaction is not limited to her front but her back also. I find my eyes drawn to her backside whenever she faces the blackboard and longing for her chalk to drop to the floor so she needs to pick it up. I don't understand any of this but I know I need to get this sorted and fast! Not just for the strange thoughts that distract me constantly but also the physical pain that appears in the aftermath of my genital growth is very severe.

I have been thinking for the last few days that the best solution may be to confess to Sister Mary what I've been feeling and ask whether she has any solutions, but this is easier said than done. For one thing Sister Mary is very busy with other activities around the monastery and I too have many duties that impact my free time. Also I have not had the confidence needed to face her and say everything. What if she gets angry? What if she is disgusted? What if she expels me from the monastery, the only home I've ever known! All these thoughts swirl around my head, telling me to do anything but talk to Sister Mary. However today I am resolved, I will speak to her and say everything that's on my mind. Hopefully she will forgive me...