Hotel Dakota

“Happy Hydration day everyone. We are back for another installment of Harem Hotel.”

“Another one? Ugh.”

“My Gina, you are acting like you didn’t cavort about all over these past months to keep on reading.”

“The fuck’s cavort?”

“But Harem Hotel has indeed become quite popular. They even managed to break into the top ten sex stories recently. Congratulations."

“Big deal. That’s only thanks to us and our glowing reviews. Fuckers better be grateful. Why exactly are we not charging money for our service, Marcie?”

“I always considered the tears of authors all the payment we need.”

“Do I look like a plant to you?...plants...plants….plaaaaaants….”

“Oh dear…

“Mimiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!”

“Gina please! She is fine!”

“But no longer a slime!”

“*ehem* That is enough witty pre read banter. Last time we left off…”

“Just read the last chapter, you lazy dipshits!”

“Then just a word of caution. We are now getting into a portion that we were warned will drag a bit, so I hope you are prepared for that, Gina.”

“Good, I’m ready to tear this bitch to pieces for ruining SLIME GIRLS!”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“As the next round start the immediate focus is of course put on our newest harem member. Morgana, the teenage witch.”

“More like teenage bitch.”

“Morgana is quite feisty and also rather clingy. She immediately sets out to become the Queen of Nick’s Harem, which makes her a very entertaining character to follow, despite these awful transformations she is saddled with. Let us just hope sachrima will not ruin the character by getting rid of everything that makes her charming in a matter of days.”

“Someone’s spiteful.”

Mentally cursing the audience who turned Morgana into a sex doll, he made sure to keep her at arms’ length, without actually touching her.

“I am happy this gets addressed. The amount of balls the audience dropped with Morgana can not be overstated.”

“Fucking hell, Marcie! You’re not going to spend the entirety of the review bitching about the witch, are you?”

“As a matter of fact, I will not. But only because there is not that much talking to begin with. Morgana does not get all too much focus past her introduction day. No, the main heroine of this round is without a doubt Mary…”

“Grrrr….”

“We did not really give Mary much attention these past two reviews, but she is very popular with the audience.”

“GRRRRRR….”

“Gina, just because Mary has bigger breasts then you doesn’t mean you need to feel threatened.”

“THAT’S NOT IT! YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID!”

“The lactation milking scene with Rose? But it thought you liked those now.”

“S-shut up! Don’t distract from her real crimes!”

“She is a bit preachy? I am not the best with these religious types either but…”

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT!”

“Gina, please explain yourself.”

“This...this COW had the audacity to go on a date with Nick.”

“Yes..?”

“That date involved a boat ride.”

“Oh.”

“It was one of those boat with a transparent floor, you know, so that you can see under the sea and stuff.”

“…”

“AND THERE WASN’T EVEN A SINGLE SHARK THERE! ALL THEY DID WAS TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A BOAT RIDE WITH A TRANSPARENT FLOOR AND DON’T HAVE A SHARK SHOW UP! THIS IS THE AQUARIUM ALL OVER AGAIN!”

“You know, Gina, I actually give you that.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“It did not have to be a shark…”

“YES IT HAD!”

“But at least some description of marine sea life would have helped making that scene more vivid. Obviously, it was not the focus but stuff like that should not be completely ignored either.”

“What a lousy date, no wonder Nick rejects her marriage proposal.”

“Well, I would not exactly call it a rejection…”

“Yeah, because Nick is a little bitch who doesn’t want to play favorites, so he can’t marry just one of the girls! Greedy bastard needs to catch them all.”

“Ah, yes, to clarify, Mary’s marriage is the plot for a large portion of this week. We do have some other minor side events, of course. Sachrima, realizing that the audience has horrid taste, threw some additional transformations in the mix to make matters more interesting. For example Dani temporarily gets her old body back…”

“Good!”

“Kim receives a temporary upgrade to her personality.”

“Also pretty nice. Oh, and the cat gets bigger boobs.”

“*sigh* Non transformation related I do like Kim and Dani’s training routine. It was quite...titillating.”

“Let me guess, you got off to Kim almost training herself to ****.”

“In my defense, it was very erotic. It reminds me when I **** you to exercise. It was mostly for my amusement, of course but I do like...”

“Marcie. I have a question.”

“Yes, Gina?”

“Why isn’t this shit?”

“Come again?”

“I was told this section was shit. It’s not. And it pisses me off.”

“Ah yes. This rounds lasts for a massive 107 chapters. That is almost as much as all three prior rounds combined. So much that even Sechrima herself voiced her d...”

“SELFIE IS A GIRL?”

“Gina, that is utterly irrelevant to the subject at hand.”

“ANSER THE QUESTION!”

“According to my sources, yes. Sechrima is female.”

“Huh.”

“Can I continue now? Without any interruptions?”

“I always thought Selfie was, you know, one of those pretentious goatee wearing fucks from Québec who sip decaf latte while writing porn in public.”

“Gina…”

“But if she’s a girl, that explains sooo much…”

“Gina.”

“Like, she’s obviously flat chested. I mean duh. That’s why every girl gets huge...”

“GINA!”

“WHAT!”

“If you can cease your irritating interference for one second, I was trying to explain why this very slice of life heavy segment works.”

“Marcie, nobody cares about that. Let’s talk about Selfie’s boobs instead.”

“I do not care about your care for the underdeveloped chest size of the author. We are now talking about an extremely important part of storytelling: Flow and Momentum.”

“You mean the shit this review is lacking?”

“I was not finished, Gina.”

“UURRRGGGHHHH…”

“There is a constant sense of flow and momentum through this round. We are not just watching sexy girls doing sexy things, we are following Mary from date, proposing, the Bachelor party and finally the Wedding. And because of that, this story manages to avoid that lull and tedious status quo that slice of life scenes tend to bring with them. It is really well done. Wrynn should take notes.”

“Marcie, just because Selfie is a girl now does not mean you need to suck her dick.”

“I give praise were it is due, Gina. This story flows better then Dakota.”

“…”

“Get it? Because she drow...”

“I DROW YOU!”

“...*ehem* Well, I’m not saying this is perfect. The pacing may be great, but the story has other flaws. Like the fact that the pictures remain grossly uncentered and sechrimas bizarre sexual obsession with the word maul continues.”

“Just have a shark maul someone non sexually! It’s not that hard!”

“Of less concern, but still worth mentioning is the fact that sechrima is a bit too much of a people pleaser.”

“Gross.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Gina. All I am insinuating is that she caves a tad too easily to criticism. An example would be when she had Kim apologize for Dani because a certain someone in the comments took umbrage with her behavior.”

“Waaait, that was when Dani was **** to suck cock in a dream, right? That’s horrible and Kim made it sound like a joke! And that during Pride Month! I am deeply offended!”

“Oh, spare us the sophistry. Kim was under the effects of a transformation at that point. And clearly no offense was taken by Dani. This was not an apology to Dani but to the audience.”

“You got that right, Marcie. Kim should properly apologize to Dani by eating her out. Also make her wear rainbow colored eatable underwear!”

“I feel like we somewhat digressed too much, Gina.”

“Meh, let’s just skip to the wedding.”

“You don’t want to talk about the bachelor parties?”

“Meh.”

“It is a shame we did not get that Dawn stripper scene…”

“Wedding!”

“Yes, yes, I certainly have a lot to say about the main event of this round.”

“It’s obviously a huge deal! Sylvia invites like all those other hosts from the different seasons. Even Ruby and Al are there. And why does the fat fuck look like a mob boss?”

“I still prefer my head canon of him resembling Batman’s Penguin.”

A woman with bright green hair stormed towards Sylvia with a scowl on her face. She had long, pointed ears like an elf and wore a leather jacket that matched her hat. She had sharp green eyes behind the rims of her glasses, which went well with her green vest and pencil skirt. Tall leather boots covered her legs.

“Is this the elf from cowguy’s branch, Marcie?”

“Maybe? She did not leave much of an impression.”

“I went back and checked. She totally is! That means she got invited before Shar! Bwahahahaha! Suck it, you wannabe vampire!”

“Speaking of no invitation. I am rather cross that we did not get one ourselves. How rude.”

“Yeah, now that you mention it...Sylvia, you bitch! I thought we had a connection! I called you the best host even!”

Azure didn’t stop there. “Starring a bullied young man as master, we gathered seven people who hurt him and aided in the master's **** by turning them into his perfect concubines. We got TF, expansion, age alteration, mind control, ENF, body control, goths, milfs, and schoolgirls. Whatever fetish you have, we've got you covered.”

“I say, I feel like our talents are woefully wasted here. We should switch to this show instead. They have body control.”

“Nah! I wanna go the show with the shark teeth devil who mauls people!”

“A speaking of which...”

His attire wasn't doing him any good either. He might as well have been mauled by a tiger. Maybe a tiger mauling would have done him some good,

“See Gina, I can tell that this segment was not written by Sachrima because the word maul is actually used correctly for once.”

Roar burst through the doors of the chapel, looking like hell. This was a man of class, of distinction. As far as anyone knew, he was the only producer to finish a goddamn season of Harem Hotel, and he did it with class, with wit, with clowns and feet. Now look at him, stumbling into a church like he'd been trapped on an island for the runtime of the original season Harem Hotel, ten, twenty, maybe thirty years. The metaphor was not all together uncalled for either; this was a man cast adrift. Victim of the great void between worlds, washed ashore at this wedding.

“Whoever wrote that definitely drinks decaf lattes.”

“I believe we mingled enough, Gina. But before we move on to the actual ceremony, we should mention one more guest and future contestant. Nick’s stepmother Amelia.”

“Meh. Isn’t this stuck up British bitch just Dawn at home?”

“Oh, you mean because of the ****?”

“God damnit, Marcie.”

“Amelia was teased since the very beginning. Since this is still the middle of the round she will not join the harem just yet, but she does get to witness her step-son consummating his marriage right in front of the altar.”

“This is already pretty fucked up but then Sylvia makes it worse by turning it into some assisted fucking crazy shit.”

“Dakota, Kim and Holly all help out in...*ehem* joining Nick and Mary together.”

“I bet this is how old people have sex. Ruby and Al should take notes. Their old fart of a master would probably enjoy it.”

“I personally thought it was quite erotic.”

“EROTIC?”

“I do enjoy body control, Gina. Hmm...that does give me some ideas for my own wedding. Do you want to be the flower girl?”

“Do you want me to vomit?”

“But with the ceremony concluded, it is time to move on.”

“Really fucking fast too. The two are barely wed when Nick puts that whole marriage thing behind him.”

“Well, we have only one more day until the challenge and sechrima suddenly remembers that she probably should get Morgana some attention.”

“Bit late for that.”

“While I did praise the pacing so far, the final non challenge day does indeed drag a tad. For a number of reasons, which I will now elaborate.”

“I can already tell that this will suck.”

“And suck it does, because Sechrima decided that this is the perfect place for another Holly flashback.”

“Holly sure mellowed out a lot this round. She doesn’t even act like a horny pervert all the time.”

“Irrelevant. I talked at length how flashbacks are a poor story device and they are especially poor at the eve of the challenge, when everyone is wanting things to move on to the big climax.”

“I think you should!” Mary urged him. “It’s clear you really like writing. And your poems are so great!”

“Mary’s right,” Holly nodded, giving him an encouraging smile. “You could write some really evocative and resonant prose, Nick, I just know it!”

“I don’t care if Selfie’s a girl, she’s never gonna to beat the self insert allegations.”

“Fortunately, this flashback does not go on for too long and we move on to the main event. That is Morgana bonding with the other girls.”

“Didn’t she kinda do this already, during the week? Pretty sure she made friends with Holly.”

“Yes, but Holly does not count.”

“You don’t count!”

“Now I have issues with this last minute bonding in general. But there is a bigger problem at play here. Which is that Morgana simply does not work.”

“Oh geez. Please ebolarate, Marcie”

“Morgana enters the show from a rather strong position. She has developed a witch persona to help with her feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.”

“Which is cringe as fuck.”

“I would prefer the word entertaining, Gina.”

“Look at the audience, Marcie! They all hated that cringe.”

“Yes, I am unsure if that is the reason, but Morgana does drop her behavior rather soon. Save for some very minor relapses, the great witch of the ebony cauldron is done a few days in.”

“And let me guess, you don’t like this, do you?”

“Morgana tries her best and yet the rest of the Harem keeps insisting how horrible her witch persona is. Except that just is not the case. Certainly not after that first few days. At that point her behavior is not any more egregious then Mary’s preaching. But we do not complain about that now, do we?”

“Life’s unfair. Do you have a point?”

“My point is that this character development happens too quickly. It is not something that should be resolved in a single round and certainly not in one that is overshadowed by another huge event. Morgana should have retained her witch persona for at least this round. By doing so, the constant disparaging comments on how awful Morgana is would have made much more sense. In fact, I do wonder if that sudden change could once more be tracked back to Sachrima trying to course correct for appeasements sake. In essence, it is the same thing that happened with Rose. But worse.”

“That’s a lot of words for saying that you have a bratty girl fetish.”

“I do not have a...you know what, moving on! Let us have a look at this rounds popularity poll.”

1. Mary – 14.37% +2000 BP
2. Gina – 12.97% +2000 BP
3. Rose – 12.85% +2000 BP
4. Carly – 11.69% +1500 BP
5. Kim – 11.52% +1500 BP
6. Dawn – 10.36% +1500 BP
7. Morgana – 9.44% +1500 BP
8. Dakota – 9.35% +1500 BP
9. Dani – 7.44% +1000 BP

“So...Marcie, let me get this straight.”

“And here I thought you were gay.”

“The tradwife is at the very top and the Lesbian at the very bottom.”

“It appears so.”

“For some reason this pisses me off.”

“I blame the lack of a wrestling match between Dani and Nick. Dani needs to get in there and show who is the alpha of the harem.”

“First of gross, second not gonna happen. At least Rose finally gets some recognition and Team Marley goes strong.”

“So, Gina, as is tradition, who is your favorite and least favorite character?

“Mar…”

“Marley does not count.”

“Calm your tits, Marcie, I was going to say Mary.”

“WHAT?”

“What? Problem?”

“You are messing with me.”

“Nah.”

“There is NO WAY Mary is your favorite.”

“Obviously, I was going to say least favorite.”

“...oh.”

*snicker*

“W-well then who is your favorite?”

“Carly, because I support Marley.”

“What a resoundingly boring choice.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“It was pretty difficult to pick a favorite this time around. Kim is no longer embarrassed for modeling lingerie, which lowers her appeal to me.”

“Of course.”

“I was having high hopes for Morgana, which went unfortunately unfulfilled. Hence I will go with Gina as my most popular girl.”

“You mean the girl you didn’t mention once this entire follow up?”

“Yes, but if we addressed every minute detail this review would never end. To explain my choice briefly, we got a lot more mileage out of that good girl transformation then I originally predicted. Certainly more then with Dani’s transformation, which Sechrima only remembered to exist at the very end of this round. And her addiction to Nick’s cum is delicious.”

“Marcie, remember that I have yet to vomit this review.”

“As for least favorite. This one is hard. I would say Carly, but she gets a lot of mileage out of Marley, so she is saved from the last spot. No, I do think Morgana is my least favorite for being such an utter disappointment in every aspect.

“Ruthless as always.”

“Maybe her exit transformation will **** her to act as the ebony witch persona all the time. That would be an improvement.”

“Oh yeah, transformations! Can we get to that already?”

“But first the challenge. This one is set in a space station and is a spoof of the werewolves game or more colloquially known as Amogus by the cool kids.”

“That shit was way too complicated!”

“Gina please.”

“I’m here to read a sexy story, not some Herlock Sholmes bullshit!”

“It was slightly lacking in the sexy department. There were also a few issues and plot conveniences you had to handwave away. An ambitious challenge to be sure, but one that needed a bit more polish.”

“Whatever, let’s move on to the Sylvia spoiler!”

“Ah yes, we finally reached that point.”

“Dakota ends up getting eliminated for being a huge bitch, which means we are getting another flashback, which I’m sure Marcie wants to bitch about.”

“Actually, Gina. This one was fine.”

“OH, REALLY?”

“At this point, the story has teased Dakotas backstory for 200 chapters. People wanted to know what was going on here. Unlike that Holly flashback nobody cares about, this one was both warranted and well executed.”

“Happy to hear you say that. “

“Now, the twist is of course that Dakota was the original host and also the one who created Sylvia so that she can be in Nick’s harem. This was a very well done twist.”

“Uhu, too bad we got it fucking spoilered!”

“On the bright side, that did allow us to pick up on some of the hints and foreshadowing put in through the story. I would, of course, have picked up on them either way, but still.”

“So yeah, Dakota is not the kind of girl who gives up just like that and flat out screws the rules to become the host again.”

“As much as I like this twist, this aspect bothers me. Host or no host, Dakota was eliminated. She should at least receive an exit transformation.”

“What if she has, Marcie?”

“Hm?”

“Maybe her transformation is that she will never be part of Nicks live in any meaningful way. Once this season is over, Nick will return with his harem while Dakota will return to being a host. Never to interact with him again.”

“Huh...I actually never considered that.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda fucked up.”

“…”

“...”

“Well, you know what they say.”

“…”

“Can’t spell Ghost without Host.”

“Oh, fuck you, Marcie.”

“Whelp, things do not get any better from here. Dakota decided that Sylvia has outlived her usefulness.”

“Dakota murders her, but of course we know that this isn’t a permanent thing. Even Selfie freaked out so much that she spoiled Sylvia’s resurrection immediately in the comments.”

“Nick pleads to get her revived. Dakota obliges and so it is finally time for this rounds transformations.”

“Right off the bat, Dakota proves that she is the superior host. These transformations actually do not suck ass!”

“Of course that does not stop the audience from choosing poorly. The fact that the therapy cat transformation did not win out is a crime.”

“And are we seriously missing out on the chat logs because they want to have Sylvia call Nick Daddy? What the fuck? Can you fucking virgins stop gooning for one second?”

"I actually liked that one."

"WHAT!"

"All I am saying is that the audience has some decent taste with Sylvia. It could have been better of course...why are you looking at me like that, Gina?"

"Just wondering if I should call child protective services."

"Gina, I do not like what you are insinuating here. And it clearly states in that transformation that Sylvia is 18."

"Riiight."

“Kim also receives a fun one. Morgana’s horny voice one would be pretty amusing too, if her personality was not down in the dumps. My favorite however would be Dani’s.”

“That’s the most fucked one, Marcie!”

“Why?”

“She’s never going to be able to be comforted by anyone besides Nick. Don’t you get how fucked up that is? To never experience that feeling from the person you love?”

“…”

“And what if she’s kicked out of the harem? Or Nick dies? She might as well kill herself!”

“You are really pessimistic this round, Gina.”

“This story features drowned children and dead babies, Marcie. Forgive me for being pessimistic!”

“Point taken. But for now at least I think we can bring this follow up to a close.”

“Finally. That was a fucking ordeal.”

“Yes, it has been awhile since we read over a hundred chapters. And it looks like we are not even a third through the story.”

“Eh. I can take it!”

“Oh, despite the…”

“I want to see were this goes now that Dakota is at the helm!”

“Hmm...a more sadistic turn might just be what this story needs. I for one am looking forward to Hotel Dakota ."

“...are we getting paid for this plug, Marcie?”

“No.”

“God damnit.”