Mommylicious

“Good news, everyone. We are closing this year out with another Harem Hotel review. Because of course we do.”

“Indeed Gina, this will be our fourth installment of Sechrima’s Harem Hotel season. Are you excited?”

“Kinda? We left off on a pretty hardcore note with Sylvia getting fucked over and Dakota taking over as host. I’m kinda curious were this is going.”

“Indeed. And more importantly, I wonder if Dakota could help me with my...condition.”

“Marcie. That ghost bitch is sooner drowning you in jizz.”

“I see your point. Anyways, let us get this over with before the year is. Commence our read.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“I’m glad my brain is so developed now,” Marley said, rubbing her temples. “Back when I was a slime girl, I probably would have been completely overwhelmed by all these new memories flooding into me head.”

“Mimiiiii!”

“Can you not, Gina? This is getting old.”

“You know who won’t get old? Mimi!”

Okey. First of all, before I even dare to consider saying anything else: someone missed Mimi? Like the best character in the entire saga?

“This guy gets it. Mimi will live on!”

“She literally does, Gina.”

“Sylvia is part of the harem now and that also means she has to turn into a brat that has a creepy Daddy obsession with Nick because apparently Selfie didn’t knew what else to do with the character.”

“It is not that creepy. Nick is just weird about it.”

“Uhu, what if I would call you mommy, Marcie? Actually, no don’t answer that.”

“Very well.”

“But come on, is this even the same person anymore? Sylvia was smug and self assured. This is near the complete opposite!”

“Hm, there were some cracks in the facade before but it is certainly a massive change, going from what at one point used to be Nick’s therapist to a small child who wants to have sexual relations with her father.

“Marcie, as a new years resolution how about you commit to wearing a ballgag 23 hours a day? I think the world as a whole would benefit greatly from that.”

“I disagree.”

“Sooo, first date is of course Sylvia, but Nick is too weirded out to do something with her and just calls his cockslave instead.”

“You mean Gina. He calls Gina, Gina.”

“Marcie, just because a character has the same name as me doesn’t mean I get ticked off when something bad happens to her. How old do you think I am? Five?”

“Well, in terms of mental maturity you are about on the same level as your namesake.”

“Moving on, Gina has to suck Nick off. Kinda a dick move really. I feel like I need to bump him up in my scumbag list.”

“Gina please, Gina both craves and enjoys penis. We should not deny Gina what she wants.”

“Marcie, do you want me to tell everyone that you have huge, gigantic boobs? Because If you don’t stop this bullshit I’m telling everyone all about your huge, colossal, bovine…!”

“Alright. Let us move on.”

“Next on the date chopping block is Dani, cause she sure as fuck won’t do anything with Nicks lower half either. So they go to an amusement park instead and decided that among all the cool shit there they should just check out the mirror maze. Which is about the lamest thing an amusement park can offer. But who am I to judge how old people spend their day?”

“You do know that Dani is not that much older than you, right, Gina?”

“Isn’t Nick like 27?”

“Yes, and you are 24.”

“…”

“Just saying, you might want to start and pull back your “everybody above 30 is a hag routine” sooner rather then later.”

“AAAAGGGHHH! SHUT UP! MOVING ON! MIRROR LABYRINTHS ARE LAME! AND SO ARE OLD PEOPLE! WHICH I AM NOT! END OF STORY!”

“I must admit, I am not too fond of these mazes myself. But regardless they show various grotesque pictures of the two. For example in one of them Nick is morbidly obese.”

“Yeah, yeah, so obviously they can’t keep their grubby mitts of the mirrors and...ohohohohohoho.”

“Huh…”

“NICK TURNS FUCKABLE!”

“Girl. He turns into a girl.”

“Yes? That was what I was saying, Marcie.”

“Does genderbender turn you on that much, Gina?”

“Marcie for the last time. I like guys turning into girls the same way I like sharks and girls getting milked: the non sexual way!”

“Evidently.”

“But!”

“But?”

“You would think now that Nick is a girl(a cute one too) Dani would just go ahead and fuck him right? I mean, that would be the normal thing to do.”

“Well...”

“But nooooo, she is all weird about and spouts some psycho bullshit about masculine souls or whatever. Look girl, if it has boobs and no dick it’s fuckable! Who cares what they think they are? It’s the outside that counts!”

“Oh boy.”

“Not that Nick’s any better. Don’t get me wrong. I like it when guys squirm a bit, but he acts like a super pansy ass sissy! He doesn’t even let himself get molested to get the girls some easy points. See now why he needs to move up on the scumbag list?”

“Well, Gender Dysphoria is a very difficult subject to broach. We have to tackle it with a decent amount of ca...”

“AND THEN NICK JUST GETS TURNED BACK BASICALLY INSTANTLY! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! THIS IS BULLSHIT! FUCK YOU, SELFIE!”

“Or we can just scream. See Gina, that is exactly what we talked about. Unlike you, I am able to voice my criticism in a mature and calm manner and would never raise my voice offer a small, ultimately trivial grieva...”

Then she pointed past him. He turned and looked at a very large structure rising high above the skyline, towering over the other buildings around the large promenade.

The Eiffel Tower.

BOIIIIING!

“You were saying, Marcie?”

“Those were my breasts, Gina. Not my voice.”

“Uhu.”

“I of course understand that Rose has a strong desire to abduct Nick to the capital of French people. It is in her french ways. Next she is probable forcing frogs down his throat while saying Mon dieu.”

“You aren’t going to be creepily racist about this, all the time, right Marcie?”

“Of course not, Gina. I tolerate the existence of the French.”

“Uhu.”

“In the proper French pronunciation, you must trill the ‘r’ and leave the ‘s’ silent,” she explained. “It’s okay. You won’t sound like too much of a boorish American if you say it the way you are. Besides- I’m the only one here to care, no?”

“This is exactly what I mean. The French always act like this. Haughty with a smug sense of superiority that is insufferable to everyone around them while at the same time showing zero self awareness.”

“Yeah, imagine living with someone like that.”

“Precisely, Gina.”

“…”

“Rose of course drags Nick all across the self declared city of love, showing off all it’s famous landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Arc de triomphe. Ugh, it is unbearable!”

“Oh, fuck off, Marcie. This date was amazing. Only negative point was that Nick’s a guy for it.”

“I beg to differ. Nick being a stereotypical ignorant American yokel is the worst part about this.”

“Come on, give me some credit!” Nick groaned. “I know that there are more cities in France than just Paris!”

Rose gave him a side-eye. “Name three more.”

“…Well…”

“Turin! Geneve! Orleans! Even I can do that, despite my distaste for the French! You do well do not measure American intellect with this cretin!”

“Pretty sure the last one’s in the US, Marcie.”

Rose rolled her eyes in amusement. “Don’t you know, Nick? In France, everyone can Can Can.”

*snrkpmpffflllfff*

“That is the sound Marcie makes when she desperately tries not to laugh in order to keep her stupid bullshit take.”

“S-silence, Gina...I...was...not amused by this...p-pun in the slightest.”

“The way your boobs are jiggling says otherwise.”

“I will have no more of this! Let us move back to the other girls, so that I am freed from this French atro-city. See? Now that is a pun! Far more sophisticated then what the snail-eaters could come up with.”

“While Nick and Rose enjoy pissing Marcie off, we are also looking in what the girls left in the hotel are getting up to and wow, they are getting up to something.”

“Elaborate.”

“Dawn, Morgana and Gina all decide to check out the magic mirrors. Since Dani and Nick ended up with relatively harmless transformations they figure why not give it a go themselves?”

“There is no flaw with that logic.”

“Gina turns into a complete dormat, Morgana into the dom gothwitch that could have been and Dawn into some weird power bottom cat.”

“I suppose that is an accurate enough description.”

The goth ignored Dawn and went straight for Gina like a shark smelling blood in the water.

“SHARK!”

“You are really grasping at straws here, Gina."

“Ok, so while Morgana takes Gina as her personal pet, Dawn is going around catching her own girls, such a Kim.”

“Of course Kim is still on the clock, so Dawn’s petting offensive didn’t go very far. In fact her fairy boss kicks her out.”

“Wow, what an asshole fairy.”

“At the same time Morgana is chasing the other girls around, primarily Carly before it comes to the inevitable clash between Morgana and Dawn.”

“And the two end up getting bound and gagged! Hah! Shame the girls don’t do more to them.”

“They are too nice for that, Gina.”

“This whole section is one giant tease. Nick gets turned into a girl. Nothing happens. Dawn gets cockblocked by a fairy and now they tie up these two horny sluts and do not descend into a lesbian domination orgy! It’s like lego’s branch all over again. Less teasing more action!”

“Are you done?”

“No!”

“Ha…”

“Seriously, Selfie was not kidding when she said this shit was dragging on. We’re like forty chapters into this round and so far we have covered two dates!”

“Normally, I would find fault with such glacial pacing but sechrima is very skilled in making these scenes matter. None of this feels like my time is being wasted. 250 chapters into a story, this is a remarkable achievement.”

“Oh, yeah? Let’s see how long that lasts. Because now that Rose’s date and the chaos with the mirror girls is over that might change. Because we are focusing on Mary now. Ugh.”

“I see your opinion of her has not raised, Gina.”

“She’s obnoxious as all hell, and the sheer audacity to think Rose is not worthy of Nick after Rose pulled off the mother of all dates makes me want to scream.”

“Well, I can at least agree with Mary on that front.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Now, now, I can see were you are coming from, Gina. Mary and her constant nagging can get somewhat tiresome.”

“Thank you!”

“However, a decent chunk of that is the fault of her transformations. In other words, once again, the audience is to blame for everything.”

“As always.”

“But before we move on to Mary proper, Nick ends up having some fun in the baths with the Carly twins.”

He wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect of bathing in his own semen.

“Ewwwwwww! What the fuck, Nick! Who the fuck thinks like that?”

“I think he just ruined bath sexual intercourse for me.”

“Nick and Mary are having a nice night. In other words. Boring. Luckily Sylvia and Gina infiltrate the master suite like the gremlins they are.”

“Sadly not too much comes of it."

"I enjoy seeing Holly enjoy herself though. So that was nice."

"And with that we have already reached the end of this follow up.”

“What!”

“What is it, Gina?”

“This isn’t even halfway through the round!”

“Yes, we established that.”

“But I want to know what Dakota has planned for Dani! And if Nick finally gets off his ass to give Sylvia a better name to call him!”

“I am sure we will get to that. Eventually. May I remind you that we have still not reached the halfway point? And if sachrima continues writing like this, we never will.”

“Ugghhh!”

“Now to close this year out, shall we go best and worst girl?”

“Yeah, this will piss you off, Marcie, I have to give best girl to Rose.”

“Grrrr.”

“Stop snarling. She clearly earned her spot for this date. I’m also sick of everyone giving her shit.”

“If we are talking about earning her spot, then Sylvia would belong in that list as well.”

“Wow, seriously, Marcie?”

“I think her efforts are commendable, yes. And very amusing. Nick could be somewhat more accommodating.”

“Hm, worst girl is easy this time. Nick! For not having sex with Dani!”

“I am not sure that counts, Gina.”

“I make the rules around here, Marcie. It counts.”

“Hm, who do I nominate for worst girl?”

“Your not just picking Rose?”

“I am far too unbiased for that, Gina. Rose’s date was not...the absolute worst thing I ever experienced in my life.”

“Ok, then who do you pick?”

“Hmm, since this is only half a round it feels a bit unfair to pick anyone. hence I abstain.”

“Pussy.”

“Ehem.”

“Ok, and that’s that. Another year done! Marcie got big boob during it.”

“Yes, I am aware, Gina.”

“My new year resolution is to read less shit!”

“My would be to reduce my chest size to an appropriate level.”

“Guess the only thing left to say is...”