Horsing around

"Thanks for lending me a spine", Edana patted the centaur on the horse's side with undisguised kindness. Her legs dangled on one flank of the friend and her monsteual tarse on the other, like a third leg, "This wonder must be as big as yours, maybe even bigger."

"I doubt it", Ross knew what the girl was doing, she once more involuntarily mocked and competed with him, even on something so trivial as a size. However, he himself couldn't resist, so he was deceived by his own ego, "I don't know if you've ever seen a horse erection, but it's definitely bigger than your toy."

"You sound like you didn't even look under your tum", Engel chirped teasingly, leaning slightly behind Ritter's back. Even though the armor obscured his entire human part, she knew he must have started sweating as a result of her words, "Seriously, weren't you even a little curious?"

"Not everyone is perverted like you. Besides...", he was about to apply a stark retort, when suddenly the forest hummed and a regular army sprang out of the trees. A mass of elves, clothed in leaf coat of mail, and centaurs, lightly attired with bows ready to shoot.

"Brother of Hoof, why are you fraternizing with hellspawn?", the knight of the Forest King asked confusedly. It was the first time they had seen such a phenomenon and they did not know what to do with it.

"I... Emmm, she... she is my prisoner", Ross stuttered, trying to look serious, even though he did not quite succeed and only the cover behind the visor saved the situation, "I managed to capture her and now I lead her to the king. He has to get information out of her."

"If she is a prisoner, why is she not bound by ties?", the elves slowly sensed the trick, but did not know Ritter's charisma, as Edana did.

"These are magical chains made of the silk of the spider people. They are so thin that they are invisible", Ross was practicing his enchanting power of persuasion. He was not a mage, he was just a speech virtuoso, as evidenced by the confused murmurs of the forest army.

"And why is she sitting on your back? Aren't you afraid of her going to burn you, or worse, enthrall you? Brothers, I don't think we should trust him, he may have been corrupted by her", one of the centaurs yawped and the others chimed in like a choir.

"Fellow forestmen... None of these things, I assure you. I took her in the saddle, because as you can see her manhood would only slow me down if I dragged her behind me", Ritter held out his hands in a reassuring gesture, wanting his firm, soft voice to appeal to their imaginations. Unfortunately, their fear was more powerful.

"These are devilish tricks, take them, brothers!", the army of the Forest King charged. Arrows whistled past Engel's horns, and others shattered against Ross's armor, tearing off pieces of metal.

"Take on this!", Edana threw her prick over the withers and hit a few elves like with a club. The next ones were rammed by Ritter, making a passage for them into the wilderness. Several arrowheads raced after them as they vanished into the darkness of the thicket, digging into the centaur's armor.

"Crap, my metals will not last...", Ross said once they were safe, lurking in the grove. He couldn't hold his armor, everything was falling apart from the excess damage it had taken, "I have to threw it off."

"Wait, are those boobs?", Engel was speechless, as she saw a pair of soft hills released from beneath the steel, "Your face too ... is girly."

"No way! How it's possible? I had checked male on my character card...", Ritter squealed in a female voice, as he removed his helmet to take a look at the piece of paper, that was still hidden in his saddlebags, "The circle with a symbol of the plus beneath symbolized a man, right?"

"So my dick will be bigger than yours after all, since you don't have any", Edana laughed, as she watched Ross gazed at his own reflection in a nearby river, twirling on his heel, as if he wanted to spot something under his belly. To his despair and her amusement, nothing hung below.