Healing

The next morning after breakfast, Paige pulls me aside. “Can we talk please? About our relationship? With everyone?” She asks.

The sudden question and the phrasing sends a stab of anxiety through my stomach as my immediate thought is that she’s going to break up with us.

Paige seems to notice my worry. “It’s okay, it’s nothing bad. I just need to talk to you all.” She says in a small voice.

I kiss the top of her head. “Thank you for the reassurance. Let’s get everyone together and go somewhere private.” I tell her.

Already knowing through our mental connection, Ivy grabs Mia to talk to us. It doesn’t take long to find Skylar too, and we all head up to the bedroom together.

Once we’re in the bedroom with the door shut, we sit in a circle, with Ivy and I on either side of Paige.

Paige takes a deep breath and begins to speak. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you all about how I’m feeling.” She begins.

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Ivy says encouragingly, but Paige shakes her head with a grimace.

“No, it’s not okay. When we made things official, we made a promise to always be honest and open. I wasn’t, and I’m sorry.” Paige says.

“It’s okay to need space. What happened that night was a lot.” Skylar says in understanding.

“Thank you for giving me space, I did need it. I still should have talked to you more. So I’m going to talk now.” She says sadly.

We all nod, giving her space to articulate her feelings.

She takes a deep breath, and finally tells us everything that’s been on her mind.

“I’ve been a mess. I’m just replaying that night again and again, I can’t stop seeing it, even when I sleep. Sometimes it’s Mia dying, sometimes it’s Gemma or Skylar.” She says, indicating us as her voice cracks with emotion.

“Sometimes it’s even one of them.” Paige admits, nodding at the door to our bedroom, and to the rest of the castle where the others in our guild are.

“I talked to Emma, and she said it might be trauma that I’m feeling. She said this happens to people when they’re traumatised.”

“That night, everything just got….so real.” She says, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I guess I didn’t really think that any of us were in danger. Like I knew it, but didn’t know it. I dunno if that makes sense.” She says, and we all nod.

“It makes sense baby.” Mia says.

Paige smiles briefly at Mia, before continuing on. “I don’t wanna die. I don’t want any of us to die. The time we share is amazing, and I love you all so much.” She says, looking each of us in the eyes a tear streaking down her face.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you. I should have earlier. I should…” Paige apologises, but can’t get the rest of the words out, burying her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking.

I put my hand on her back for support, and she falls into me for a cuddle. “You’re talking to us now sweetie, that’s a good thing. We’re here, it’s okay.” I reassure her.

Ivy cuddles her from behind and Mia and Skylar scoot themselves closer so they can join us in comforting our sobbing girlfriend.

Once Paige has cried all she needs to, we all give her a bit of room so she can keep talking. She smiles at us all through her tears. “Thank you all. I’m sorry.” She says.

“It’s okay. Like Gemma said, we’re here.” Mia says, kissing her on the forehead.

“We’re always here.” Ivy repeats, bringing Paige’s hand to her lips and kissing it gently.

“I love you all.” Paige says, and we all share a warm smile with her.

“I know this might be kind of selfish, but can I ask you all to promise me something?” She asks, sniffling.

“I know you all said that we’re fighting that….that guy, in a few weeks, and I know it’s the right thing to do. Can you promise me that we’ll all look out for each other? That we’ll make sure none of us dies?” She pleads.

“We promise. Whatever happens, we’re all getting out of this alive.” I tell her, with every ounce of conviction I have.

“We’ll all make sure of it.” Ivy agrees, and Mia and Skylar voice their agreement with us.

“Thank you. I’m sorry.” She says again, looking down.

Mia boops her on the nose, and Paige looks to her. “Stop apologising babe. You’re okay. We’re here.” She says.

Paige sniffs again and nods, as Skylar wipes the tears gently from her eyes. “We’re not going anywhere.” Skylar promises.

“I love you.” Paige says.

“We love you too.” Skylar replies, smiling at her.

Paige wipes her eyes, and looks around again.

“There’s another thing too.” She begins. We wait for her to continue, giving her the space to do so at her own pace.

“Everything that happened kinda made me question if I really understood love.” She says, seemingly hesitant to voice this out loud.

Ivy continues to rub her back for support, and Paige shoots her a grateful smile.

“When I got with you all, I thought that I thought about it all I needed to. The last couple of days, I got scared because I thought maybe it was just because you were all pretty and liked me.” She said.

My chest tightens at hearing those words, and as if she knows what I’m thinking, Paige squeezes my hand reassuringly.

“That’s not it. Our lives are awesome, and I love spending time with all of you. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me really horny sometimes.” She says, blushing slightly at her own words.

“I know now that it’s not just because you’re all here. It’s because you’re all still here.” Paige says, and then frowns. “Sorry, words are hard.”

“It’s okay.” I encourage her, smiling at her.

“That night was honestly the worst night of my life.” Paige confessed. “I’ve never experienced anything close. My life was always very peaceful. I’ve never dealt with trauma before.”

“The past couple of days, I haven’t really eaten or slept. Emma put it really well yesterday when she said it probably felt like my whole world was off. She was right.” Paige said.

“But I realised that through everything, you were all still here. None of you left. You kept loving me. It made me realise how much I trust all of you. If you’re still here after the worst day of my life and still loving me even though I’m a mess, and I know that….then it’s real. Our love is real.” She says.

On impulse, I kiss Paige. She kisses me back with a renewed vigour that she hasn’t had since that night. Then Ivy kisses her too, and Mia and Skylar have to join in as well, taking turns kissing our girlfriend. I think we’re all just glad she’s gonna be okay.

“We are here. I promise.” I tell her.

Paige nods, looking around and smiling at everyone. “I love you all.” She says, the warmth in her words filling me with comfort.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ve been getting flashbacks too.” Mia offers, and we turn to look at her.

“How so?” Ivy asks, her voice full of concern.

“A few times while we were fighting stuff in the dungeons. Sometimes I get hit, by an arrow or a sword, and I remember what it was like that night, to be stabbed with my own weapon, by somebody who actually wants to kill me. It makes me freeze up sometimes.” She says, shuddering slightly.

“I guess we do get a little desensitised to the **** in dungeons over time.” Skylar says in understanding.

Mia nods. “It’s very different when it’s an actual person trying to kill you. Somebody with that much anger and cruelty…that’s really different.” She says.

Paige sighs. “Yeah definitely.” She agrees, reaching a hand up to comfort Mia. “You’re not alone either, okay?”

The aeromancer nods, smiling. “Thank you babe.” Mia says earnestly.

“I think we were all affected. That night was awful.” Ivy says, shaking her head.

“Wanna tell us about your feelings?” I ask.

Ivy shakes her head. “This is for them, not me.” Our healer denies.

Paige takes her hand and looks into our girlfriend’s eyes. “Even caregivers need care sometimes. Talk to us.” She encourages.

Ivy sighs and gives Paige a small smile. “Fine. But only because you said so.” She says. Paige nods encouragingly.

“I wasn’t there to protect you all. I really wish I had been, I keep thinking that if I was, maybe things would have been different. It made me really hesitate to let Gemma grow my power over hers.” Ivy admits.

“If something happens and I’m not there again, what use is my power?” Ivy admits, to hushing from the rest of us.

“You’re our healer, that’s the most important job of all of us.” Mia says.

“If you’re that worried, we’ll find a way to upgrade your Aid ability. We’ll make sure that never happens again.” I promise her.

Ivy smiles at me and kisses me on the forehead. “I love you. I love all of you.” She says happily.

“Whatever happens, we’re in this together. That’s not changing.” Skylar promises.

We wrap our arms around each other in a comforting group cuddle.

“Together, always.” I echo.