He reintroduces "Dating

“Alright! And that’s everything you need to know about taking up the b-, er, cornhole!” Ayame announced as her satisfied, but sore, volunteers walked off the stage. “If you ever have any questions, please email them to the student council.”

“Th-thank you, Ayame. That was, uh, very informative” Tanukichi said as he took the podium again. “And that concludes our lesson for today, everyone. Please, continue on with your lives, and continue to do your best to uphold the moral values that this great nation is built upon.”

Tanukichi then bowed humbly to the audience, trying his best to keep his thin composure as all of Japan applauded him, before finally retiring backstage.

“Yes! We did it, Tanukichi! Sex is officially back on the menu!” Ayame said as she jumped on Tanukichi from behind, her strap-on discarded and now entirely naked. “I’d pop some champagne, but it’d probably be more appropriate to pop some pussies instead! Or maybe I should show you what I showed those other guys if you want~”

“A-Ayame, quiet down! People might hear you!” Tanukichi blushed and pushed Ayame away.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… my whole life practically led up to this moment, you know!” Ayame was practically drooling as she looked Tanukichi in the eyes and wiggled her fingers manically. “Sex means babies, and a future not ruled by puritanical fascism, and of course… the more people learn about sex, the more they’ll joke about it! That’s right, the world will finally be full of true art and expression!”

“I, uh, wouldn’t call penis jokes ‘true art’, Ayame,” said Tanukichi.

“Then you are just a philistine,” said Ayame. “No, worse than that… you’re a… penistine.”

“...”

“Oh, shut up! It’s hard to think of jokes when you’re this excited!” Ayame shouted.

“Well, I will admit that we did improve society a bit just now, and that is worth celebrating,” Tanukichi said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “But I still can’t help but feel like we might have opened up a can of wo-aaah!”

Tanukichi was interrupted as a short girl holding a pen and notepad - Otome - popped up in between him and Ayame, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Mr. Okuma! Sorry to surprise you like this, but I just wanted to thank you for your demonstration today, and for letting me be a part of it,” Otome said chipperly, her hair still a bit messy from the orgasm she had onstage earlier.

“I-it was no problem, Ms. Saotome. If anything, I should be the one thanking you for helping,” Tanukichi replied, though he knew just how much getting to do lewd things with Anna meant to her.

“Oh, I assure you, you helped me much more than I helped you. The amount of inspiration you’ve given me for new Card Cuties was astronomical!” Otome replied, practically shaking. “I think I’m going to make a whole set dedicated to just the butterfly ritual, and that stuff at the end… I think I know a few girls who’d appreciate some guy only cards.”

“Oooh, are we about to resurrect the fujoshi? Nice!” Ayame whispered. “They’ll be grateful, no doubt, but better keep a yaoi paddle ready in case you need to beat them off you.”

Tanukichi rolled his eyes and ignored Ayame.

“Well, if you want more inspiration, I’ll probably be teaching another lesson tomorrow if you want to stop by,” Tanukichi told Otome. “Though, we haven’t decided exactly on the subject yet.”

“That’s fine; I’m sure it will be inspiring either way. Though, if you really want to help me out…” Otome took out a digital camera and handed it to Tanukichi. “The next time you have sex with Madame President, Anna, I would appreciate it if you took photos for my reference.”

“Oh, uh… sure, Otome. I’ll see what I can do,” Tanukichi lied.

“Thanks, Mr. Okuma. I am in your debt.” Otome bowed and left Tanukichi and Ayame alone, at which point Tanukichi wasted no time in tossing the camera to the nearest trash can. Ayame managed to catch it before it went in, though, and stealthily hid it in one of her jacket pockets.

“Oh, say, speaking of Ms. Annout-of-her-mind, where I wonder where she is?” Ayame mused. “Ah, wait, there she is; stumbling back here like she just had a full keg. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already guzzled down a keg’s worth of your spunk so far~”

Tanukichi didn’t groan or even roll his eyes at Ayame’s pun, and instead just focused his attention solely on Anna. “Hello, Ms. Nishikinomiya. Thanks again for, uh, helping out with the demonstration. I take it that you found it… educational?”

“Hehehe… of course I did, my dear Tanukichi! I mean, after all…” Anna pulled Tanukichi into a hug so tight he swore he heard a rib crack. “I learned a new way to show the world my love for you! Now, everyone knows that our hearts, our souls… they were meant to be together!”

“Yes, technically… but that was just for demonstration purposes, y-you know?” Tanukichi grunted, barely able to breathe.

“Oh? Well then, I guess we’ll just have to do it again” Anna declared. “Ms. Kajou, you seem to already be undressed; would you like to help me show Tanukichi how much I love him?”

“Me?” Ayame began to sweat as she pointed to herself. “Er, I totally would, but… I’ve got to help Tanukichi answer the questions of other students! Isn’t that right, Tanukichi.”

“Y-yes… totally…” Tanukichi wheezed out. “S-speaking of which… I think there’s a student… heading this way now…”

“Oh. So there is.” Disappointed, Anna let go of a gasping Tanukichi so she could turn her attention to the newcomer. Her name was Elizabeth Nagaoka, and she had short red hair and freckles that she got from her Irish mother. “Hello there, Ms. Nagaoka. How may the student council assist you?”

“Hello there, Ms. Nishikinomiya. Mr. Okuma. It’s always nice to see you two,” Elizabeth greeted. “I hope you don’t mind if I-”

“What’s that? You don’t need any help at all?” Anna interrupted. “That’s fine by us! Now, if you’ll excuse us…”

Anna moved to drag Tanukichi off somewhere more private, but Elizabeth blocked the way out with her body.

“Wait!” Elizabeth shouted. “I-I have a question that I really wanted to ask Tanukichi!”

“Oh… well, why didn’t you say so?” Anna said, her polite mask only slipping for a moment. “Go ahead and ask, my dear.”

“Okay, so… your lesson about the ‘sex’ thing was very informative, but… there are a few things that you didn’t cover,” Elizabeth explained. “For instance, I know that I’m not supposed to have sex outside a relationship, unless it’s with you, but… how exactly do I get into a relationship to begin with? I tried asking my parents, but apparently they don’t remember how they started got together anymore.”

“That is a pretty good point; knowing how to have sex won’t do anyone much good if they can’t get into situations where having sex is okay,” Ayame mused.

“You and Tanukichi are in a relationship, right?” Elizabeth asked Anna. “But you weren’t together at the start of the semester, right? How did your relationship begin?”

“Actually, I wouldn’t say that we’re- hnngh!?” Tanukichi abruptly cut himself off with a grunt of pain as Anna stepped hard on his foot.

“Aww, how sweet of you to notice!” Anna said cheerfully without acknowledging Tanukichi’s pain. “You see, our relationship started when he kissed me as a greeting for the first time. After that, I fell so madly in love with him that we just had to be boyfriend and girlfriend! It would have been a travesty to deny our love at that point!”

‘Aww… but I can’t kiss any boys besides Tanukichi unless I’m already in a relationship with them.” Elizabeth let out a sad sigh. “Isn’t there anything that girls who want to be with someone else can do?”

“Well, there is one traditional thing you could do to see if you’d make a good couple,” Tanukichi replied after a bit of hesitation. Part of him deep down really liked the idea of being the only guy in school who gets to have sex, but there was no denying that his ‘workload’ was starting to get unmanageably big, so he was going to need a little help. “The practice is called ‘dating’.”

“Da…ting? That sounds… painful.” Elizabeth shivered.

“Sometimes, but usually it’s actually pretty fun,” Tanukichi explained. “Essentially, you ask a boy to go on a ‘date’ with you, where the two of you go somewhere and sort of… hang out together to get to know each other and decide whether or not you like him. If you do, you can ask him to enter a relationship. If you don’t, or you’re not sure, you can go on more dates with the boy, or girl, or you can try dating someone else instead.”

“I see… that actually makes a lot of sense,” Elizabeth replied.

“Great! So glad we could help!” Anna said quickly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Tanukichi and I have a date of our own.”

“No, hang on a second!” Elizabeth blocked the way out once more. “I still don’t know what an actual date is like! How do I know that I won’t mess this up?”

“You don’t!” Anna answered. “I suggest you just use any humiliating failures you might have as a learning experience!”

“No! I can’t let that happen!” Elizabeth said, refusing to back down. “This guy is really special to me! He’s closer than anyone else to the world to me, and I don’t want to risk messing that up! Please, Mr. Okuma… I know this is asking a lot, but please show me how to date someone! I want him to love me the same way that Anna loves you!”

“Aw, that’s so sweet of you~” Anna replied, masking her malice well with her chipper voice. “But if you loved him the same way I love Tanukichi, you’d understand why I can’t let him-”

“Actually, I better go with her.” Tanukichi wrenched himself out of Anna’s grip and ran over to Elizabeth. “I mean, it is my duty to educate everyone on proper moral behavior, and you’re already so moral already that my talents would be wasted on you, right?”

“Aww, but Tanukichi, dear; that might be true, but in case you’ve forgotten, we’ve yet to go on a ‘date’ ourselves officially.” Anna’s eyes seemed to flash red for a moment as she stepped closer to him. “Wouldn’t it be so much more romantic if you were to go on a date with someone you love and not some girl you barely even know?”

“Er, yes, well… I’m… actually going to do this… for you, Anna,” Tanukichi said, saying the first thing that came to his mind.

“Oh?” Intrigued, Anna seemed to calm down for a moment. “And what exactly do you mean by that?”

“Y-you see the thing is, I might know how to date, but that doesn’t mean I have that much experience,” Tanukichi hastily explained. “So to make sure that my first real date with you goes well, I need to practice on someone else first. You know, as a sort of… training dummy.”

“Aww, that’s so considerate of you, my dear Tanukichi! But you know that I’m a lot less delicate than I look,” Anna replied, causing Tanukichi to shiver involuntarily. “Are you sure this is absolutely necessary?”

“Of course! A woman as esteemed as you only deserves the best after all!” Tanukichi said, putting up his hands. “I promise that whatever I do with Elizabeth, I’ll do to you 3 times over!”

“Three times you say? Oooh~” Anna’s hips twitched in a disturbing way as a small puddle of arousal appeared underneath her skirt. “Well then, please, feel free to do whatever you wish with her, as long as you’re back before the end of the night!”

“And I’ll go too!” Ayame volunteered. “You know, to take notes on proper courtship etiquette, and to keep track of everything Tanukichi does with her.”

“An excellent idea, Ms. Kajou. I look forward to reading your report,” Anna said with a bow. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must return to class. I’ll be sure to inform your teachers that you’re all off on official Student Council business, so none of you will have to worry about your grades slipping.”

“Thank you so much, Ms. Nishikinomiya.” Elizabeth bowed so deeply and so fast that she nearly fell forward. “I promise not to let this opportunity go to waste.”

“Alright then, let’s get going!” Tanukichi turned to leave, but was stopped when he came face-to-face with a familiar green-haired student. “Gaaah!?”

“Did I hear that you were going to provide more valuable insights on the subjects of sex and babymaking?” Hyouka asked, her face deadpan and tired.

“Er, I mean, dates are just a small part of making kids, but yeah, I am,” Tanukichi replied. “But weren’t you, you know… passed out from exhaustion?”

“I was; but even in my sleep, I cannot resist new knowledge,” she replied. “Please, take me with you so that I can observe as much as I can. And if it would not be too much trouble, make a few more babies while we are out as well.”

“Er, sure, I’ll see what I can do.” Tanukichi laughed nervously and stepped around Hyouka. “Then let’s go for real this time!”

Tanukichi took another step and was once again abruptly stopped - only this time, he wasn’t stopped by a person, but by his own idiocy.

“Er… one of you girls wouldn’t happen to have a car on campus, would you?” he asked nervously. “I mean, my mother has her APC, but I’d, uh, rather not take her. She has other things to do, after all.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got mine!” Elizabeth said, taking out her keys. “Now, where exactly are we going?”