Explosions in the Capitol

Knock Knock Knock

“Mmm?” I blinked awake at the sound of rapping at my door, grogginess was clinging to my very soul as it took me a few attempts to lift my head off the pillow. “Whsthe tim’?”

My body was wrapped in a sprawled out Aqua, and a lewdly placed Kazuma. The latter was using Aqua’s chest as a pillow while sleep-squeezing my own bosom like a teddy bear. It felt criminal to break the trio up, but when I remembered we were in the King’s palace it felt important to open the door.

Knock Knock Knock

“C-coming!” I called out, peeling my sticky skin and carefully disengaging from the pair.

I rubbed my eyes and walked over to the bedroom front, light was pouring in from an unclosed corner of curtain that was particularly stinging my senses. Completely distracting me from the fact I hadn’t gotten dressed.

A fact I really regretted when I opened the door to see my dad.

“Ah!”

“D-DAD?!” I yelped, slamming the door shut in his face after he got a clear eyeful of my full naked body. “SORRY! I-I-I!”

“M-my apologies too, dear,” He similarly stammered through the door, “The King sent for me this morning, and I, uhm, I thought at this time of day you may have… I-I should go.”

“Wait! The King sent for you?” I asked through the door, refusing to budge my body away from it.

An awkward pause settled in briefly and I wondered if he’d already walked away, until a nervous cough seemed to end the pause, “Erhem, yes. Well… it seems that, well, I need to be present to help s-sign the papers.” What? My mind raced with what possible normality I’d added to enact such an event… it better not have been that Calendar again… “You, and the Dustiness-Ford name, are to become the King’s favourite, um, h-harem.”

…

“Dad, I’m so sorry. I should have told you, I should never had started this, I-I-I-”

“N-no, it’s alright. I…” He began, I can only imagine how tricky it is to try and figure out what to say right now, “It was certainly a shock to find out, but I have also been told about your accomplishments. And I am certainly amazed that you managed to become favoured by the King himself, Jeronim’s blessing doesn’t come easily to those that aren’t his children.”

My face was only getting hotter, he’d heard all my ‘accomplishments’? Was that just Musume or was it things like Breeding Day as well? This was perhaps the most I’ve ever wanted to keel over and die in my whole life, “T-true…”

“I had some inclination when your friend Kazuma appeared in my mind a couple times with Eris,” No, this was most I'd wanted to die, “He seems rather nice, good at his job, I assume you picked him to be, well, the Knight?”

“T-that’s right…” I ground my forehead against the door, hoping a splinter would lodge itself in my brain soon.

He coughed once more, but I could also hear him get a little closer to the door, “Yes, well, I-I just wanted to say I am proud of you, Lalatina.” He admitted, which almost made me feel a bit better… before he got even closer to the door and whispered, “And, hmm, if you perhaps find any women in your travels interested in older men, then, well, you know, my name is on the harem too~”

…

……..

“...Dad, I need to get dressed…”

“Right! Yes!” He said, blustering and coughing, his voice becoming more distant as he walked away from the bedroom door, “Oh, I was also to say there’s a meeting with the King starting in an hour! So please be ready with your knights!”

As soon as he was definitely gone I crumpled into a heap.

And also became instantly mocked from behind.

“HAHAHAHAHA!”

Aqua and Kazuma burst into laughter, the former kicking her feet up in the air while the latter held his gut and pointed at me. I’d usually beat their asses for such rude treatment, but I honestly couldn’t get up from the protective ball I’d formed on the floor.

“Holy SHIT that was awkward!” said Kazuma as he wiped a tear, “Grade-a funny, top notch work, Darkness.”

“Nngg….”

“Are you going to find him a girlfriend from the harem like he asked?” hummed Aqua innocently before gasping in happy surprise, “That means you get to pick your own new mom! Wow, you could have already had sex with your future-”

“STOP! AQUA! PLEASE!”

She shrugged, not fully seeing the problem with her sentence, while Kazuma’s laughter began to pick up violently again.

I had the worst partners.

From one awkward encounter to another, I then had to take Megumin out for her daily explosion. Jeronim was able to clear using one of the training ground fields behind the castle, he seemed rather amicable to Megumin’s needs since she helped capture Musume last night.

A fact that the arch wizard was happy to gloat about.

“That’s right peons! I am Megumin, the one responsible for taking down THE Demon King’s Daughter!” She grinned and boasted to the knights around us as we walked towards the field, “Let my name be written on the most important books in the King’s castle! I am free to be painted if you’d like to depict my awe inspiring moment!”

This had been most of the walk.

The real strange thing? It had actually been working on a lot of the guards.

Clapping, cheers, and general praise was inflating the ego of the wizard immensely as she walked around the training grounds. As you’d expect, taking down someone so high ranking was certainly enough to get noticed by others. One magic guard even asked if he could learn explosion as well. The smugness on this girl was going to go into the zeta damage range if these guards weren’t careful.

And though I knew I should be engaging with her more, perhaps trying to mitigate some of the overbearing egoism that she was displaying, I was dealing with my existential problem…

Namely: girls are pretty.

I know, I know. It isn’t really something to be deeming ‘existential’, but it was throwing my mind into a big loop that never seemed to end.

Deep down I knew that the earrings had affected me in this way, added the ‘lesbian’ buff to my soul, yet at the same time how could I deny a woman’s beauty? Don’t get me wrong, men were rugged and chiselled, and I still wanted to let every rough part of Kazuma spank me and dominate me like the naughty girl I was… but the softness of a woman was making me slippery down there as well.

Yes, you got me, I had realised how attractive Megumin was.

I’d felt it last night when she intimidated me, but now that my head wasn’t on fire I could actually look at her properly, standing just ahead of me and readying her explosion in the open field.

The fire in her eyes, the pout in her lips, the cuteness in her walk as she desperately tried to look cool while also being inherently badass as a person. Walking beside her it could also be said that my eyes drifted down to that rotund mass she called a rear as well, the way it hid from me beneath her dress yet not far enough down that a sharp wind would reveal it…

This was not a helpful line of thought at all, but at least I’d made myself realise how screwed I was if Kazuma had to pick between the two of us.

“-in accordance with the principles of all creation. Let the hammer of eternity descend unto me! EXPLOSION!!!”

CRACKACOOM!!!!

Ahh, there was the refreshing feeling again. A wash of heat that could singe your eyebrows, a rush of wind that could knock a bearigator over, and the shocked screams/gasps of the general populace who weren’t expecting such a massive noise.

All while the crimson demon fell onto her face in the grassy field.

“How’s the crater looking?” The muffled Megumin asked as I approached, unable to even lift her head from lack of mana.

The mushroom cloud had just about dissipated, leaving the smouldering heap of dirt completely exposed as you’d expect, “Good. Um, Kazuma usually rates these, correct?” I awkwardly asked, “Is two thousand points good?”

“Ugh, that’s way too high,” She huffed from the floor, “It’s a scale of one to a hundred. That one was nowhere near perfect.”

“Then, uhm, eighty?”

“EIGHTY?! What was wrong with it?!”

“I-I-I don’t know! What score would you like?!”

There was only a click of her tongue and a low grumble of annoyance, “Nevermind. It isn’t fun if I’m ranking myself, just pick me up and let’s go.”

I couldn’t help but feel like I’d thoroughly disappointed Megumin, carefully lifting her off the ground and putting her on my back so as to not upset her any more than I already had with my terrible ranking.

“Pleh! You have too much hair, Darkness!” She complained, and with a quick apology I shifted her up my back so her head was on my shoulder instead, “...and your back is too hard. Shoulder blades aren’t meant to be made of actual metal, you know!”

“I-I can shift you around the front?”

Another click of her tongue, “Ohhh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Love to wave those in my face.”

How was everything going so badly? I could only whimper my apology back before walking back towards the castle quietly.

“...you’re still pissing me off.” I heard her hiss, not even sure what I’d done this time, “Those eyes of yours, looking at me like I’m the bad guy and you’re the victim. When reall-”

“MEGUMIN!”

Before that serious moment could actually begin, we were interrupted by a rather over eager girl rushing towards us. Yunyun’s outfit always was rather liberal, but I couldn’t help but notice how ridiculously bouncy the girl’s luscious chest was as she rushed towards us. It was enough to make me drool at the sight of her. God, I can see why Kazuma leapt at the chance to let her have his babies.

“I-I knew I’d find you eventually! No one else w-would ever use explosion!” She declared with a pant, a little winded from the run that left her cute face red and open mouthed panting, but with enough energy to point at the girl on my back, “I need your help!”

I could feel the eye roll on my back, “Ugh, come on… does it have to be her?”

Wait, her? Was Yunyun pointing at me?

“Darkness! Please!” She grabbed my face, making my own quite red, “Are you my friend?!”

Girls were too damned pretty.

The sparkle in her eyes, the redness on her face, I’d have given up everything in that moment to be her friend. “Mm.” I nodded quietly, hoping I wasn’t going to contract a nosebleed from such a pretty girl’s face.

“YAY!” She beamed a beautiful smile, suddenly reaching forwards and kissing me abruptly.

I was not complaining in the slightest, but the surprise meant I couldn’t enjoy it properly. Soft lips against mine, the taste of light cherry lips dancing into my mouth with a wonderfully close look at the girl and her perfect smooth skin.

Just as quick as it had begun it ended, Yunyun smiling at me happily but with a growing look of worry.

“That means you won’t betray me, right?!” She asked, shaking my head lightly, “Right, Darkness?!”

“N-no! I won’t betray you, Yunyun!”

Megumin’s voice had a frown in it after that display, “Don’t say that yet, you don’t know what the fool’s about to ask you.”

Her rival pouted angrily at her briefly before looking back at me, “Please, the Crimson Demon village needs you, Darkness! If I can’t get someone to help… then… then-!”

“Woah, woah, calm down, Yunyun.” I quickly hushed the girl, I was honestly still flustered from the kiss but I had enough strength to keep Megumin up with one arm while petting the other girl’s head reassuringly, “What’s wrong with the village? Is there any enemy attacking?”

“No, we’d be able to handle that without you easily,” Yunyun casually replied like I was particularly useless and that was common knowledge. “I need your help to keep me as village chief!”

Though I was confused, Megumin still had infinite sass to offer the upset demon, “I thought the decision wasn’t final yet? Shouldn’t you be saying ‘help me become village chief’?”

“I-I would be if all my f-friends didn’t betray me!” There was a sudden lunge towards the paralyzed Megumin followed by repeated light ‘donks’ against her as Yunyun seemed rather emotional about the event that had lead her here.

“Maybe it’s best if you start from the beginning.”

With a calming sigh that raised and lowered that milky chest of hers, I was mostly ready to listen when she was finally ready to talk.

Yunyun gave a rough outline about the week of their departure, with Megumin chiming in every so often to offer more ‘insight’. The plan had been the pair tackle the Crimson Demon traditional ritual for picking a new chief, as Yunyun was allowed one helper to attempt the challenges. Apparently she’d chosen poorly, Megumin doing nothing but hinder or explode the various rituals that they were supposed to be doing together.

What was supposed to be finished within the week had been getting riskier and riskier by the day. Yunyun had to become chief by the end of the week or else her father was to stay as chief another few years, which was something she really didn’t want to happen to him.

It was only around Maid Day that things finally changed for Yunyun. A fact that made my stomach drop when I remembered how much influence I would perhaps have on the rest of the story.

Though Megumin had demanded to not leave the house on Maid Day, Yunyun had made new friends with some more girls in the village. They’d all bonded through mutual orgy enjoyment, with the fact she actually had friends she was finally able to take on the challenge with more confidence and win. It was on the final day of the trials that Yunyun was to be sworn in to be chief.

But then the betrayal happened.

Mass betrayal, from almost everyone in the Crimson Demon village, as when Yunyun was to be sworn in as chief there had been many ‘objections’ as to who should REALLY be chief. Demanding the trials be redone, and that their chance to be chief not be lost so easily. Accusations of nepotism and jury rigging became rampant.

And turns out it was my fault.

Why had the villagers not wanted to be chief before? Well, it’s obvious. They were all solo acts, lone wolves, all wanting to be the hero and not the leader of the other crimson demons. They were all happy to let Yunyun’s family hold the title as grander titles were to be won and earned, and their family had always done a good job managing the daily activities as chiefs.

But thanks to my changes, the ones I’d given Vanir to help Yunyun have friends in her weird community, suddenly things were different. Everyone wanted to push the boundaries of the sexy world I’d given them, new plans formed, become the leader and make even sexier changes to the perverted rulebooks. I’d single handedly made them lazy loners to a horny collective, and oh boy the guilt was heavy on my soul. I really should have given the earrings back when I had the chance.

“So will you help me, Darkness?” Yunyun asked, snapping me out of my newest depression spiral.

“Uhm, p-probably…” I replied nervously, a little too guilty as it was all my fault, “But, you haven’t really explained what you want from me?”

Her eyes lit up in embarrassment, “Ah! Right! Well, I need you to come to the village with me and help with the festival!”

“Festival?”

“Since no one could come to a consensus on how to pick the next chief, the town has decided to throw a big festival to come up with ideas.” Megumin explained, regenerating enough mana to move her arms again and prop her head up from my bony shoulder, “They’re inviting a bunch of outsiders and are going to pick an idea from one of them.”

I tilted my head, “Outsiders? Why not from the villagers?”

“Because SOMEONE blew most of the original challenges up!” Yunyun pouted again, glaring daggers at a flippant Megumin, “And the ones she didn’t I’ve already done, so everyone blamed me for having an unfair advantage…” The anger morphed to a pitiable sadness. I’ll shoulder most of the blame here, but some of these Crimson Demons sound like jerks.

Megumin for once didn’t pile on and instead continued the explanation a little longer, “All the elders who are supposed to come up with trials ran out of new ideas. Though Arue said it was because they all got busy with their wives and too lazy to continue doing the challenge. That's why the village needs 'impartial outsiders' to help come up with challenges.”

“So you want me to go to the festival and come up with ideas?”

Her smile could set ablaze a fire with warmth, “Y-yes please! I really want to stay chief to help my village… So anything I can do to help the festival, even if it’s a festival to usurp me as chief, I’ll do! I’ll get as many people to come to tomorrow’s festival as possible so that we have plenty of ideas to run as trials!”

This girl was a little hopeless. But her heart was in the right place, so I wanted to help her, I really did… but…

“It’s tomorrow?” I asked with a frown, “I’ll see if I have the time to make it, but we’re sort of swamped here, Yunyun. Between new harem members, trying to figure out money, and the Demon King’s Daughter… I don’t know if I can promise anything...”

It broke my heart to take the happiness from her face. The brave smile she left there was understanding, but clearly heavily disappointed.

“That’s understandable, thank you anyway.” Yunyun bowed, “I hope to see you there, but if not then have a good time! A-and wish me luck!”

The busty crimson demon ran off at the same speed she’d arrived at. Seemingly to find more people to come to the impromptu festival, though I don’t know how successful she’d be.

“She really knows how to jam her way into your life at the weirdest points, right?” said Megumin from my back. I would have responded, but she suddenly pushed off of me and landed on the ground. It was on shaky legs for a few seconds, but Megumin managed to stand by herself. “Well, good. That festival was stupid anyway, I’m sick of contests and sick of Yunyun. You rejected her easily so you really have learned from me and my techniques. Come on, we have to get to that all important king meeting now or whatever.”

I followed her after a beat of confusion. A feeling of missed opportunity hung between us, like I was supposed to say something I failed to say somewhere along the line…

There was an ominous feeling in my gut as we approached the castle’s prison.

The King and the Princess, followed closely by his advisors and the four of us, waited as the massive wooden and metal door under the castle was slowly opened by the guards. Dust and rubble from yesterday's fighting were present, but there was thankfully no lasting damage to be seen around us. Just the dimly lit undercarriage of stone, completely contrasting the fabulous marble above us.

It was quiet between all of us. Either to match the tone of our location or just reflecting our current low energy levels. The night had been long for all, the awkwardness with Megumin still hung in the air for me at least. Meanwhile Aqua has no cares in the world to squeeze both mine and Kazuma’s hands, waving them back and forth as if showing us off to the world.

After a few minutes we were finally able to make progress inside.

Sat there, already pacing in the cell, was the one that had been attacking us all of last night. I’d added some normalities to the jail, such as a magic spell that lowered her power, and unbreakable bars, but it still didn’t feel like enough. Like she could simply spread those shadowy wings again to take to the sky, raining fire down upon us as soon as she’d finished resting.

Musume snarled at us. The monster in the cage wanting you to know her fangs still existed. That we may be safe now but pure pain lay beyond those metal bars.

Gosh, I have to stop getting this excited.

Prisons always set me off. I thought the seriousness would calm me down, but the tension and the dramatic lighting and the dingy smells… hoo, I could spend a week down here and not get tired.

Have to remember to keep it together in front of the King, Iris, and my dad. I’d never be able to live it down if I moaned wantonly in front of them.

“What do you all want?” snapped Musume, tail whipping back and forth in her cell, “Come to check on your prize? Or were you just bluffing in front of your daughter and now you’re here to kill me?” She charged forward suddenly, slamming her fists against the metal and making even their unbreakable nature quake, “I fucking DARE you to try!”

“Nn~”

Everyone slowly looked at me. I quickly turned away and covered my blushing face.

“...did she just-”

“No. She didn’t.” Kazuma quickly waved my moan off, still giving me an unamused scowl which didn’t help matters. I was sure I heard a sigh from my dad as well.

“Actually, I have decided to have my advisor meeting down here,” said Jeronim. Snapping his fingers as guards quickly entered in from behind us bringing a table with chairs to set up in front of us. “We are to discuss what is to happen to you, and as a way to… follow in my own daughter’s footsteps I thought you’d want to be a part of this discussion.”

She clicked her tongue at him, “Oh joy, I get to watch a bunch of stuffy humans talk about killing me.”

“That isn’t going to happen,” said Iris, the little blonde girl giving determined eyes to her friend begging to believe her, to which Musume just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

Jeronim had a proud smile as he sat down at the table, prompting us all to do the same. “I have a lot to learn from you, Iris. To think I made such a rebellious girl with so much hope and promise.”

“Thank you, father.” She courteously nodded, a little cold in her response as she sat down around the table.

Currently those at the table were the two members of royalty, three advisors I’d seen at the gala yesterday, my father, and then me, Aqua, and Kazuma. As a non-harem member but the one who defeated the daughter, Megumin was allowed to attend but not sit. She seemed fine not overstepping to sit at the table uninvited by the King, standing nearby to watch. Honestly it felt weird to be here, like I was a tiny fish in a huge pond.

“Before we talk about Musume herself, I just wanted to make it official. Lalatina Dustiness-Ford and her harem have officially received my blessing! You shall be given my full support as we rebuild the kingdom together!”

We were all happy, though I tried not to show too much emotion in front of my father as this whole thing was still super embarrassing, but Kazuma was still elated, “That’s great! Does this mean we’re not in debt anymore?!”

“No, you absolutely still are.” A lanky old man who was sitting next to the king interrupted. Her eyes seemed permanently glaring, his bones creaked from minor movement, and from the way he had his assistant put down the paperwork you could tell he was overpaid, “Your harem has taken the burden of Musume and her many lifetimes of debt. This much.”

The number he showed made Kazuma instantly start crying. Emotion followed a few seconds later, but tears were streaming down his face as soon as the number was read.

“But that is just the beginning,” He smarmily added, looking through more notes, “As she is yours that-”

SLAM!

“I am NO ONE’S!”

Not even a raging daughter could make the old angry man move any quicker. Slowly turning to give her an eye over his shoulder before tutting and returning to his job.

“As I was saying, it means that you shall also be charged with the destruction of the palace yesterday. Though your bursary shall be increased we expect many millions more Eris incoming from your harem to cover this new bill.”

Aqua was silently casting healing spells on an **** Kazuma. Though I honestly wondered if she shouldn’t shift to revives at this point.

“Yes, my apologies but my hands are tied.” said Jeronim, stroking his beard solemnly.

My dad coughed a little, “And, what if my daughter is unable to pay such a sum?”

“Then assets shall be procured appropriately. Homes, knights, land, until an appropriate tax equal to the money we need is ours. If not, then the harem heads shall go to jail for their crimes.”

This guy seemed to revel in our pain. As a woman with a boyfriend I couldn’t even enjoy someone like that anymore. Though Musume chuckling behind us was something I could revel just a little in. “Hehe, well, maybe I am part of their harem then. You guys got the bill, right? Kehehehe…”

“We’re gonna lose the mansion?!” I heard Megumin gasp, “Gahh! I hate living in inns! They always get so uppity about how you eat your food and where your clothes go and…” her arguments devolved into a series of grumbles.

“Kazuma! Can I get my good booze back before they take the mansion?!”

“...do you not remember the state you left it in?”

Iris looked a little more conflicted. Worried about her ‘big brother’ Kazuma and his deep seeded woes.

“Father, what if I were to join their h-?”

“NO!”

She was rather surprised that so many people had yelled that in unison. Not only me, Kazuma, and Jeronim, but I swore that Musume yelled it too?

“A-alright…” Iris mumbled a little dejectedly, “I wish someone would explain to me what a harem was at least…”

Jeronim sighed, scratching his temple in mild frustration, “Please do not worry about it, my dear. Our time here is not to discuss such matters, we are here to talk about Musume’s release.”

That changed the mood.

“Release?!” Megumin yelled, stomping forwards to slam her hands on the table between Kazuma and Aqua, “No one’s let me even get my prize for defeating her! I want her cool cape as the ultimate reward!”

“Over my dead body, shortie.”

Ever the girl to punch above her weight, Megumin gasped at Musume’s hissing comment, “Shortie?! Want another round, fatass?!” She yelled, grabbing her staff and pointing it at the daughter.

“Back five minutes and already stirring the biggest fucking pot you can, eh?!” Kazuma growled while dragging her ear.

“OW! THAT HURT, KAZUMA!”

“Erhem, if the clown show would quieten down so I could continue?” said the old man. “Due to the timeline of events, Musume is only guilty of one crime, with the rest being absolved by your addition of her into your harem. She would currently be a free woman in the eyes of the law, had she not attacked and kidnapped one of your group. A crime that can only see her held until a trial in a few days, or until the lady Aqua drops the charges.”

“Oh? I can do that?” The blunette asked, “Well, I don’t even remember it very well. So I guess I-mPH!” Her mouth was quite blocked by Kazuma’s hand.

“Let’s discuss it first! …you can stop kissing my palm as well.”

Once more Musume’s hand hit metal bars, “I say let her speak!”

“Wait, Kazuma! If we let her go now there’s a chance she’ll go on another rampage! I’m sure that’ll feel really good to fight!”

“Not you too, Darkness!”

“WAHAHAHAHA!”

Our usual bickering and quirks got interrupted by a massive belly laugh. Jeronim was clutching his gut and managing to shake the room with how loud his happy voice could go.

“My my! Never in my years have I had such a boisterous meeting!” He continued to chortle, “This was truly a wonderful experience to return home for!”

That made one member of the table alarmed, “You make it sound as though you’re not sticking around, father?”

Laughs shifted to chuckles which shifted to a long sigh of noise from the king. “As much as I want to, yesterday it seems to be clear the Demon King may still-”

Iris didn’t stick around to hear the rest of the sentence. Standing up abruptly and stomping out of the room without another word. Jeronim did not stop her, instead just looking ashamed with a closed eyes frown on his face.

Rain and Claire quickly hurried after the princess, but after a moment so did Kazuma. Excusing himself to ask me, “Tell me what happens?”

“Of course.”

And with that our small group got even smaller. Though Aqua didn’t waste any time shifting seats to latch onto my hand with a big grin on her face, with Megumin shrugging and taking Aqua’s seat instead.

Musume just clapped sarcastically, lowering herself to sit down on her own prison bench, “Wow, amazing job there Jeronim. Parent of the year right there.”

“I think you did well, sire.” My dad tried to reassure, though Jeronim seemed to agree more with the demon woman.

“Iris should not have to suffer like this, yet I cannot do anything but my duty to this kingdom.” He said with sadness in his voice, “I only hope she can see it from my point of view one day.”

“Maybe she prefers it, parents can be real clingy if they’re around too much.”

“It is a necessity, lest our amazing children surpass us too quickly,” He sighed once more, turning towards Musume with a somewhat casual tone, “Tell me, do you have any?”

The white haired woman was a bit taken aback by the question, giving him a confused glare, “N-no, I’ve never even had…” Suddenly she glared daggers at me and Aqua, probably because of what happened yesterday, but it still made my blood hot with arousal, “No. I don’t have children. Now are you going to let me go or what?! Why are you trying to chum up with me?!” The daughter barked, tail whipping wildly underneath the bench.

He raised his hands in defence, but ultimately had to be honest with her, “My prejudices to your kind are rampant. I’ve been fighting so long I had no clue monsters even had the capacity to love, to care, or to desire peace. But… you wrote to my daughter. You took the time to try and start a dialogue with her. As King, I should…” His face seemed to sadden, “Well, I should be a lot of things. But this seems like a start.”

“Jeronim…” I said under my breath, still keeping my distance to let the two talk properly.

The large man shook himself out of it to give a more serious look, “But before we can move forwards, I must know. Was what you said true? Your father, is he truly still alive?”

“I. Don’t. Know!” She hissed, a snake like tongue snapping back and forth from her jagged snarling teeth. Her anger was partly at having to repeat herself but probably more because she was frustrated with the reality of her kin, “This isn’t like him! He’s an old fool, barely leaves his castle, but he’s still the most powerful creature for a thousand miles! Our magic users would have been able to sense anything strong enough to kill him, yet… gah!” Another roar, her claws scratching at the wooden bench she sat on before she began pacing once more.

Jeronim stroked his beard solemnly, pondering her words, “Surprisingly, I believe you. We’ve had no heroes come forward, no grieving loved ones, and there have been no plans for an attack on your father’s castle in the last few months.”

She shook her head before a mild smile suddenly appeared, “Hehe. I remember your last one. You actually made a dent in the barrier, for once.”

“Hm? Ah, yes! The up and coming magic user from a far off land. Too bad his constitution for **** was so low, we could have made it further inside had he not emptied his stomach at the sight of me cleaving a monster’s skull in twain.”

“It’s weird watching the two war leaders chatting so casually together, right?” Megumin whispered to me, to which I nodded quietly.

“Perhaps they have more in common than they think?” I offered in return. It’s as Iris was saying, this war has been going on so long they might even remember why they were angry at each other to begin with…

“So from what I remember, you said the barrier went up and potentially trapped your father inside. Then after multiple attempts at contact or rescue, one night the whole castle vanished?”

“Mm. That’s the shitty truth.”

He frowned, folding his arms at her, “Then the one thing I don’t understand is I truly can’t see the benefit of attacking my gala last night.”

“Tch, you sound like Seresdina…” Musume mumbled in frustration under her breath, “Look, maybe I wasn’t thinking straight. I couldn’t get the image of my father trapped down here out of my head, tortured by you humans, I just… I went into a rage.” She admitted, “Hell, part of the reason I agreed to go to this prison was so I could confirm for myself he wasn’t down here.”

“So the gala was incidental?” He asked, stroking his beard.

“'Course, if I knew your little human breeding farm was meeting I’d have stayed far away.” Once more her eyes landed on me, and my face that had just started to cool began to rise in temperature again, “Knowing you’d have a gathering of knights in one location, even if they had their pants down, still made it a tougher fight than if I’d waited…”

“Waited until it was just Iris?”

Jeronim’s voice seemed to boom around the room, bouncing off the walls to echo on itself. All of us at the table couldn’t help but flinch in fear as the man stood from the small wooden chair in determined anger. “O-oi, calm d-”

“You talked about the last time we attacked the castle, but do you remember the time before that?” He wasn’t yelling, but just the volume of his bassy voice made my bones rattle in my body, like he could create an earthquake just by speaking, “Before your father teleported me to the far off mountains, I managed to get into his private chambers. My fury knew no bounds and my strength no equal that day. Do you remember why that happened?!”

“Look, that guy was a creep! We fired him as soon-!”

“I received a report that one of YOUR Generals was planning on shapeshifting into my darling Jatice and then using that form to get close to young naive Iris!” He boomed, ignoring the safety line and slamming his own fist into the cage. “Tell me why I should believe this farce of your imprisonment?! You’ve already proven you can destroy our barrier, your forces could be on their way now to tear us when we are ****!”

“Because my dad would never let me get captured!”

Her defiant defence was a little shaky, but to be fair the great King could probably make a brick wall quiver in fear. Yet she still didn’t back down.

Their eyes were locked in rage, and I feared I’d have to somehow peel them apart with the earrings, but thankfully after a few moments Jeronim’s energy seemed to settle and he turned his back on her.

“I can’t trust that. I can’t trust you.”

It was then I noticed his eyes left the floor, changing from shame to apology as he looked towards… me.

“Uh, my King?”

“Though I wish to be able to be the father that listens to his daughter, I must first be the King that protects his castle. If I cannot trust Musume’s words then she is not allowed to stay here, under the fear she will regain her strength and attack again.” He explained, turning back to the hissing daughter with both sorrow and anger on his brow, “It is taking everything in my power to not execute her. The image of those claws attacking my family…”

She seemed to take offence at that, folding her arms under her impressive bust at him, “I know you said you don’t believe me, but I wouldn’t do that to a kid, especially not Iris.”

His eyes seemed to wish he could believe it, but with a frown he turned back to me, “Lalatina. It is time you decided what you wish to do with this member of your harem.”

Oh.

I gulped, looking between an equally overwhelmed Aqua and Megumin before gazing back at the viscous rage of the strongest daughter in the world. “Yes, what are you to do with me you blonde bimbo?! Because let me tell you, I am no one’s ****! Nor am I some harem harlot!”

This… this was bad.

I looked towards the captured Musume. How long would I be able to keep her trapped under the normality earrings effects? Would I have to muzzle her forever just to keep her calm? That seemed so regressive after all this talk of making monsters an equal part of our society, but she definitely looked like she’d eat us in the night if given the chance.

And then there was the harem itself. We’d impregnated so many women in Breeding Day that we definitely needed some financial help, but now we were before even square one. I don’t know if we’ll be able to even pay Luna, let alone everyone after her…

“Sir, you’re putting me in a bad position here…”

“I know. And if I can find a way to extend some deadlines I will, but unless you can find the money it’ll be borrowed time. Just know that I need the Daughter out of this prison as soon as possible, and if you could make it look like your idea so Iris isn’t mad at me that’d be great.”

I really frowned at him now.

“That isn’t fair at all!” Aqua suddenly yelled, standing up from the desk to have her turn yelling at the king. “You can’t make it all Darkness’ fault! She tries really hard to make everyone happy, especially her new girlfriend: me!” I guess a Goddess trumps king, in a way, but even with that flimsy rationale I wanted to tear her off him and run for the hills, “You need to be brave and tell Iris the truth! And go spend some more time with her before you go back to war! She clearly wants to hang out with you or something!”

That girl always had the ability to cut right into the heart of the matter without a care for delicacy in the slightest.

“I suggest chess,” Megumin added.

Jeronim was stunned by their attitude, perhaps never having been yelled at by so many in his own castle. Though I knew he was kind, a part of me still worried he would lose his temper, and I was ready to normalise anything I needed to so that Aqua was safe. It didn’t matter though, as his smile said more than I could ever fix with magic.

“Perhaps you are right. I am being a selfish father in my pursuit of being a good king,” He relented, stroking his beard with a smile, “Very well. I shall play chess with my daughter! After you tell me your plans for Musume here.”

I actually had a thought about that, “Well, why don’t we ask her?”

That surprised people, especially the dragon lady herself, “Eh?”

I got up from my chair to walk over to the white haired giantess. Her frown and confusion were still beautiful to me, but I managed to keep it together this time, “If we let you go, what will you do?”

“Find my father, obviously.”

“What will that accomplish?” I asked, “You’ve said it yourself, the barrier stayed up and no communication managed to reach inside the castle. If you leave here there will be nowhere for you to go.”

She looked a little sheepish at my words, “I have… demon friends.”

“So do I,” I smiled back at her, “But at the end of the day we all want the same thing here: we all want to find the Demon King, right?”

Jeronim nodded, “Yes, I too will be hunting for his whereabouts. The threat of his return will surely be hitting those darn carriage drivers and their news network soon…”

“That’s right. News about the Demon King and his daughter… news that big will get everywhere, including even the monster side of the world.”

“...where are you going with this?” said Musume, eyes squinting at me in suspicion.

With a dramatic point and a grin I replied determinedly. “I’m saying we should fake your ****!”

…

“Eh?”

“Are you trying to do an insurance scam, Darkness?” Megumin asked from her seat.

“Ooh! My followers are really good at those!” Aqua added with a clap.

“NO!” I yelled, “This isn’t anything like that! Musume, your father is obsessed about your safety, right?” She looked a tad embarrassed but gave a nod. “Then obviously he’ll come running if the world thinks you’re dead! No matter what weird scheme he has in that castle, he’ll drop everything for you, right?”

“So then we are to deal with an angry and irrational Demon King attacking the castle?” The old guy spoke down to me, “Such a ridiculous plan. Sire, may we escort the harem out yet?”

“No one asked you, young man!” Aqua hissed at him.

“Y-young?”

I shook my head, “No, we’ll still move Musume out of the castle so her presence isn’t sensed here. We’ll say that the injuries she sustained last night were too great and she perished this morning, then we’ll tell everyone that her body is being buried somewhere you can set a trap! Somewhere far away from civillians. If the Demon King is still alive he’ll be there to retrieve her body and you can explain she's still alive and willing to try peace! And if he's not there then we’ll at least know, um…” My face looked awkwardly at the daughter, “Sorry…”

“No no, I’d be happy knowing he’s dead.” She replied coldly, though she didn’t seem to fully believe her own words, “Then at least I can mourn and figure out what to do next. Right now? This uncertainty? Sucks.”

“Hmm, I think I can get behind this plan,” said Jeronim, his beard must be so fluffy with all this stroking, “But what if this is all an elaborate scheme by them?”

“We’d be separating the chances of a pincer attack quite drastically, and-”

“And do you really think I’d have a ‘plan’ that included me JOINING A HAREM?!” Musume yelled at him again, slamming her tail against the bench and breaking it in two. “Stop being a racist old fart!”

He nodded, “Very well. Does that mean you’re willing to follow this plan? To go willingly with Lalatina’s group somewhere secure and wait to find out if your father is alive or dead?”

“...yeah, fine. Beats rotting in here.” She said with a grumble shrug, looking at me with less malice and perhaps even a smidgen of respect, “But it’ll be tough to hide me anywhere, you know? My aura is strong as shit. Dad might be able to find it and ignore the **** fakeout for whatever he’s doing.”

It was my turn to poke my chin, thinking about options here, “So maybe we need somewhere that’ll be full of other high aura individuals. That way we can hide yours amongst a similar envi-AH!”

I turned to Megumin.

It took her a second but she quickly understood the happy look on my face and frowned.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.”