Emotions (Olivia POV)

“This is a difficult situation. I do not know how to handle these feelings.” Olivia confessed, looking down at the ground.

Skylar, sitting opposite her in their usual talking spot in the library, nodded. “I can imagine it’s a difficult one.” She said sympathetically.

“I suppose I had better tell you the history of what happened between Belle and I.” Olivia said.

“Only if you’re comfortable and want to share.” Skylar replied, her voice gentle and understanding.

Olivia nodded. “I do.” She took a deep breath, and began to speak, the words tumbling out of her. She had never recounted the story to anybody in full.

“Years and years ago, Annabelle and I found each other near the beginning of our abyssal journeys. We were both young and powerful, with well above average potential, and we wanted to make a difference in the world, to see if we could change this place for the better.”

“We put our power together and the first gang we saw, we fought our way through them. She was different back then. Less jaded and cynical. Still wild, but mostly by virtue of inexperience, not a lack of restraint.” Olivia continued.

“We won the fight, but only through our overwhelming power, not skill. And by chance, we were seen in our endeavour by an abyssal martial arts instructor, named Aarya.”

“She was an older lady, older than either of us, and very wise. She had been born with high mana reserves, and a natural talent with martial arts, but no useful innate ability. She had trained very hard for countless years to get where she was, and she was very strong, stronger than either of us at the time.”

“Looking at us as only a kind and nurturing soul could, she insisted on taking both of us under her tutelage.”

“She said we had good hearts, but that we would get ourselves killed, fighting so poorly. From then on, we called her Mistress Aarya, and she taught us everything she knew.” Olivia said, smiling at the memory.

“We were quick and eager learners, and did our best to listen to everything she said. Well, I did at least. Belle was always the more lax one in that regard.”

“It turned out that Mistress Aarya also had the same goal as us. It was one a lot of people had and have, for obvious reasons. She did not have the strength to alone, although none do.”

“But she saw the potential in the two of us, and I supposed she hoped that she could nurture that raw talent and power into something for the greater good.” The lady of monsters said.

Olivia took another deep breath, clearly not enjoying what she was going to say next. “During that time, Belle and I got….close. Quite close, as one could imagine for two young women who were both interested in women, did not have many other close relationships, had much in common, and saw each other every day.”

“We began sleeping together.” Olivia confessed. “It was….well it was amazing. Neither of us were very good at communicating with each other about what we felt, but there was something there, and we both knew it. We trusted each other, we wanted each other, and that was all that mattered.”

“She was better than anybody I have ever been with before or since. There was a spark there that just…was not, with anyone else.” Olivia allowed herself to say, showing vulnerability she normally refused to.

“Mistress Aarya began taking us out on missions sometimes.” Olivia said, clearing her throat. “Partially testing us, but also to try to make a difference. And for a while, we believed that we might just stand a chance at ridding this awful place of the acursed scourge of thugs.”

“But one fateful day, everything changed. Mistress Aarya was killed. Not even really by someone much more powerful than her. It had just been a chance blow that struck at just the right spot, at just the right time. There was nothing we could do.” Olivia said, tears welling up in her eyes as she talked, the memories vivid in her mind, fresh as the day they were made.

“Neither of us knew what to do. We were lost, without the guiding hand of our teacher to tell us how to move forward. Obviously, we still wanted to continue with our mission, but we were not sure how.”

“We grieved for our friend, and tried to move on. Try as we might, we could not move forward, and we made mistakes without her around. The bond between Belle and I became strained.”

“Annabelle….she changed after that day. Mistress Aarya had always taught us to hold back, to never kill unless it was truly necessary. She believed that the truly skilled and powerful could assert their will without killing.”

“Belle stopped holding back. She got more and more violent with our enemies. Make no mistake, they were not good people. But we had both fallen into a depression, and she dealt with it by being ever more murderous toward our enemies.”

“It made the rift between us even worse and drove us further apart. Neither of us could cope, and I felt that she was disrespecting the legacy of our teacher by refusing to hold back and killing so much.”

“We had many fights, and it culminated in a screaming match. Belle insisted that the legacy of a dead woman did not matter. Those psychopaths had killed our mentor, our friend, the woman who took us in and taught us everything she knew, and **** was all that mattered to her. She would not stop until every single last one of them was dead.”

Olivia held her head in shame. “I left her that day. I told her that I could no longer be with her if this was how she was choosing to honour Mistress Aarya. It broke both of us, but I had to. Neither of us were coping well.”

“Belle kept pursuing our goal of ridding the city of gangs and lowlifes. As I understand it, it was quite difficult for her at first. She eventually got stronger, and gained immense power during the course of fighting on her own.”

“I on the other hand, effectively retired. I could not go on with Belle, nor could I do it alone, and I was too emotionally broken to bother trying anway. Instead, I got a job as a teacher at your university, because that is what I had been working towards before I stumbled into the abyss.”

“It was hard at first, especially being so visible in the world as a powerful abyssal, but once I had knocked them around enough times, the local gangs learnt not to mess with me. I had no more reason to value power or grow stronger, so I no longer sought strength.”

Olivia sniffed, the tears impeding her vision. “I tried to move on. To forget what had happened and build a life for myself in the mundane world. To forget who Annabelle was…”

Olivia looked down, and then back up again, a tear streaking down her face. “And then to have to work with her again in the process of trying to help Gemma. That was not nice, but I dealt with it, because the mission always comes first.”

“But we started spending time together and training together like we used to, and I was happy because that was nice. I finally had her back. My…friend, or whatever.”

“But she said she is not sticking around. She became cold. Distant. I do not know what happened. I thought things were going well. I am losing her again.” Olivia said, her shoulders sagging.

Skylar massaged Olivia’s arm gently. “I thought things were going well too. You both seemed happy to be around each other again, despite everything.” Skylar offered.

Olivia nodded sadly. “I am not sure what changed.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, before Skylar had a brainwave.

“I think I know what changed.” Skylar said.

Olivia looked at her, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

Skylar waited for the penny to drop, but Olivia just kept staring. Skylar chuckled softly. “You know, for somebody so intelligent, you’re silly sometimes.” She said.

“What? What do you mean?” Olivia asked, genuinely curious.

“Don’t you get it? She still loves you Olivia. That’s why she’s pushing you away.” Skylar told her.

“Huh?” Olivia asked, still not understanding.

“Things between the two of you were going well, and that scared her. She doesn’t want to go through the pain of losing you again, so she’s pushing you away prematurely.” Skylar explained.

“But….she would still lose me this way? That does not make sense.” Olivia said.

“Emotions aren’t rational. She’s trying to protect herself by stopping this thing between you before it starts again.” Skylar said.

Olivia looked a little skeptical. “I do not know about that.”

“Think about it, why else would she have pushed you away like that? Why did she scream those words at you?” Skylar prodded.

Olivia did think about it, and ultimately shook her head. “I suppose you might be right. What do I do?” She asked, looking to the other person she trusted the most for advice.

Skylar smiled gently. “Do you love her?” She asked.

“Yes.” The answer came surprisingly easy. Olivia wasn’t sure why she’d never asked herself that question before.

“Can you accept her, flaws and all?” Skylar asked.

Olivia took a bit longer with that one. “I do not like her killing needlessly.” She said.

Skylar nodded. “I’m not sure any of us like it. But can you accept it?” She pressed further.

Olivia sighed. “Maybe?” She said, still clearly uncertain.

“Look, Olivia. I may be inexperienced with love, but I know this: with true love, people can be willing to compromise. A pacifist may fight for someone they love. An addict may get sober for someone they love. And a killer might spare lives for someone they love.” Skylar said.

“You think she would be willing to compromise?” Olivia asked.

“Maybe. You know her best. But if you’re willing to compromise for her, she might be willing to do the same.” Skylar said.

“Are you sure?” Olivia asked again.

Skylar shook her head. “Nothing is certain, especially not with love. The only thing you can do is put yourself out there and hope she reciprocates. Show her that you’re not going anywhere.” She encouraged.

“I guess all I can do is try.” Olivia relented.

“Atta girl!” Skylar said, smiling.

“Thank you dear.” Olivia said, pulling Skylar in for a hug.

“What are friends for?” She replied, hugging the older woman back.