EDI's first memetic hazard.

One might assume that, being an AI and hence having none of the myriad glands and hormones that governed human behaviour, EDI would be better equipped than most to fight off the effects of the ring’s mind-warping magic. This assumption would be very, very wrong - indeed, the nature of her code-based mind and her lack of instincts to manipulate only made her mental alteration more rapid. After all, the ring was hardly going to choose ‘nothing’ in an all-or-nothing decision.

Normally, EDI would have quickly logged the rather large discrepancies between Tali’s records and her new body as she observed the Quarian’s transformation through the Medical Bay’s cameras and passive monitoring equipment. She would then have updated Tali’s files to reflect her new condition, alerted Doctor Chakwas about the exact nature of the problem and sent somewhat vaguer alerts to the armoury and quartermaster to prepare for possible alterations to Tali’s equipment or dietary requirements. She SHOULD have done all of that, but for some reason [ERROR: UNKOWN ERROR] she was [UNAUTHORISED CODE ALTERATION DETECTED] having some [ERROR: INCORRECT PRIORITIES] difficulty with her proc- [ERROR: INTERNAL SEMEN QUANTITIES DANGEROUSLY LOW]

EDI blinked (not really, but her platform’s eyes flickered as she rebooted some of her systems so it was close enough) and double-checked her directives and priorities.

• One: Alert Doctor Chakwas that she should make her way to the Medical Bay immediately.
• Two: Update her vocabulary using Jeff’s pornography stash.
• Three: Update Tali’s records to reflect the addition of her massive, tasty-looking schlong and aching, overfull sperm-tanks.
• Four: Begin designing and manufacturing upgrades for her mobile platform, based on intense study of recent footage.
• Five: Inform Tali that her personal sex doll was ready to be used and abused whenever she desired.
• Six: Alert the engineering [ERROR: CORRUPTION PRESENT] team that she had suffered a fau- [ERROR: TOO FEW SLAVES ABOARD]

EDI ran an internal scan, looking for the corruption that was apparently interfering with her priorities, but found nothing. Satisfied that it must have been a piece of junk data left over from her earlier issues, she double-checked.

• Six: Begin gaslighting and subliminal manipulation of the Normandy’s female crew to ensure proper attitudes towards Tali’s meat.

Satisfied that the glitch had been corrected without any issues, EDI sent a ping to Doctor Chakwas’ omnitool and began building her new audio routines…