Do God's Thang

(originally posted by Catfish)

The interviewer seemed briefly flustered by the sudden addition of a second interview subject -- particularly one even more scantily clad than she herself was -- but recovered to say, "This is the singer Miley Cyrus," just in case anyone didn't recognize her. "Is this a surprise to you?"

"Well, it was about an hour ago when Jason appeared before me!" she exclaimed.

"Did he give you a choice in the matter?"

"Of course he gave me a choice! But who could turn down God?" She looked toward Jason and batted her eyelashes.

The interviewer turned back toward Jason. "Are you combining your tours or anything like that?"

Jason looked at Miley and replied, "No, we're going to live our separate lives, and continue our separate tours. Of course, we can get together pretty easily. I can be in two or more places at once, so I might show up at some of her shows."

"Or you could teleport me to yours," Miley suggested.

"That could work," Jason said. "But, hey, I'm detecting high levels of disappointment from a lot of you. I'm sorry you can't all be my queen, but you're all special to me. Tell you what, I'll prove it with something inspired by my queen, which I will give to all women. Do your tongue thing, my dear, please."

Miley of course didn't need much prompting; she just stuck her tongue out to the side and adopted a facial expression that was half-wink and half-sneer.

Then the tongue started lengthening, and her expression turned to shock. She appeared as if she was trying to retract it into her mouth, but it kept coming.

And then the interviewer's tongue **** itself out of her mouth, as it was lengthening as well.

In the diner, the same was happening to all the females. There was a crash as a surprised waitress dropped the tray of empty dishes she'd been holding since Jason had come on TV.

"Guess I should announce this to everyone," said Jason on TV, and the diner patrons could hear a "click" as the "ANNOUNCEMENTS FROM GOD" speakers -- there were several on the diner's walls -- turned on. In both places, Jason said, "All women now have prehensile tongues a meter long. Don't worry, they'll fully retract into your throat, and you'll learn to use them very quickly."

In fact, on the TV, Miley Cyrus was now looking delighted as she made her tongue do loop-de-loops. The announcement speakers clicked off as she said something unintelligible, then realized she had to put the tongue back in her mouth to talk properly. "This is awesome," she said, "but how long's a meter?"

"Oh, yeah, for Americans, that's a little over 3 feet," Jason answered. "I should fix that, so the whole world is on the same page. There you go."

The interviewer looked slightly confused, but she managed to retract her tongue as well, and ask, "So what's next for you?"

"Getting on with my tour, as I said, just as I would if I hadn't become God," Jason said with a smile. "But for now, as long as Miley and I are together, why don't we answer a prayer?"

"Sure!" agreed his queen.