Craig Date 2, Part 4: Beyond Thunderdome

Jenny

The art museum was interesting, if not exactly Jenny’s idea of a great time. They moved from Daphne’s cow fetish exhibit to a more normal exhibit of portraits of the royal family. Jenny remembers being in the room, staring up at the ceiling as a coffee table, for several of the paintings in this wing as well. Others were based on photos. It looks like Summer and Winter each did a painting of the other; in a maybe too cutesy fashion, they seemed to have painted each other painting each other. Summer (painted by Winter) looks almost too somber behind a mischievous grin; Winter (painted by Summer) seems to almost glow in the afternoon light cast across his features.

A few, mostly of Skye, are from one Emi Kim; in a sense, they are the most interesting, as this Emi seems to focus less on realism and more on her ethereal feelings on the subject. They ended up examining one of the Skye pieces for a solid fifteen minutes, just pointing out interesting brush strokes or little nuggets of background flotsam as they are noticed.

After the portraits are exhibits of landscapes and battlefields and what passes as scenes of everyday life in this fantastical world. Each of these takes almost as much time to absorb as the Emi paintings. So many little details added. Jenny never really appreciated art before; now that she can see more than whatever is directly overhead, she doesn’t want to miss another moment ever again.

Tessa gives her a little shoulder bump as they start to leave. “Hey, how are you feeling?” There is something like worry in the sea elf’s eyes.

“I-I honestly don’t know, exactly. I really enjoyed this, much more than I thought I would have, but...”

Jenny hesitates. Tessa tries to fill in the gap, “...but you aren’t interested in me like that?”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant. I was trying to figure out how to ask how what we just did was any different than just hanging out with a friend?”

Tessa chuckles, “Oh, sweetheart, have you been in a serious relationship before? They rarely jump to heavy petting right away.”

Jenny would be blushing hard, if her dryad body was capable of it. She sighs, “I guess the show warped my perspective? Before I got kidnapped, my relationships all basically started with a makeout session at a house party and rarely lasted more than a month. Then, Bob...”

Despite herself, she shivers. Tessa wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her into her side. “You’re okay. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I know. He’s gone. He can’t get to me. And Tyalangan isn’t out to get me. But, I still can’t help myself...”

“What can I do?”

“I-I don’t know... How do you fix an irrational fear? How do you put your life back together after spending lifetimes stuck in a fate worse than death? How...”

“What was done to you was heinous. There is no doubt in that. It takes time to build trust, especially after you have suffered for so long. All I can do is help point out what evidence there is that you are safe here. I will protect you, even if this doesn’t work out. Okay?”

Jenny nods, feeling guilty about it. I need to be better for this to work. She rests her head on Tessa’s shoulder as they walk up the stairs to the Autumn Room together. The only question is how?

Kevin

The threesome waited by the pool as long as they could, with Ootah and Kevin trying to navigate how to help Mona with the fallout. Eventually, the staff tells them that curfew is hitting soon. They all head upstairs and into their respective rooms. Winter is lying on the bed, in nothing but some stockings and a smile. He winks. Kevin sighs.

“Your night went better than mine, I suppose?”

“Oh,” Winter nods, “My night was a shitshow. Tegan is a real piece of work. She quickly admitted that she had no idea how to date and that she’s some kind of self-hating prude? I guess Craig gave you a bunch of grief?”

Kevin sighs, sitting beside his boyfriend. “Actually, Mona insisted that she had a plan. No idea if it worked or not. We spent the evening trying to plan for the morning.”

“No news is probably good news?” Winter crawls over and rests his head into Kevin’s lap. The drow nuzzles into Kevin’s chastity cage. “I can think of something that’ll make us both happy.”

“I did need to spend magic to get Tegan to even remotely admit that she has some problems. I could use the SP recharge for tomorrow...”

Winter is already unbuttoning Kevin’s pants. Kevin reaches over to start stroking off his boyfriend. No reason to not have both of us cum tonight.

Kevin: +1 XP (Brought another contestant to orgasm [hand job; Winter])

Kevin: Daily task complete! Perform a sex act. +5 BP

Winter: +1 XP (Brought another contestant to orgasm [blow job; Kevin])

Winter: Daily task complete! Perform a sex act. +5 BP

Harith

Don’t know what the bastard is trying to do, but it don’t matter. Harith springs over the sleeping Mona, lunging at the gnoll scum. His hands wrap around the bastard’s throat. He expects to land on the floor, maybe the chair, looming over the brawnier asshole, but they seem to both be suspended in mid-air?

They land in the middle of an octagon cage then are split apart to opposite sides; a spotlight shines down on each of them. A crowd roars around them. They are in what looks to be just workout shorts? A heavy bardcore rendition of the Harem Hotel theme plays. This is different...

The room lights up and the Queen is hovering over them. The song shifts. A Thaumaturgy enhanced voice screams out some lyrics in the usual heavy bardcore style, “Out of the ruins, Out from the wreckage / Can’t make the same mistake this time.”

The Host shouts as the song plays in the background, Craig’s spotlight shifting to red, “Ladies, gentlemen, platypals, and everyone in between, tonight is a special treat. In the Red corner, a lineman former human from Earth-8720130. A gnoll everyone loves to hate and call a moron! Let’s give a big, warm Thunderdome welcome to Craaaaaaiiiiiiig Dooooooouuuuuuugie!!!!!!!”

The crowd boos and hisses. The singer continues, “We are the children / The last generation / We are the ones they left behind.”

The spotlight shining on Harith shifts to blue light as the Host bellows, “And, in the Blue corner, a vigilante incubus from Azzagrat. An auditionee awaiting trial that hopes for a spot in Mona’s harem to make amends. Let’s give a better welcome to Haaaaaaarith Haaaaaaaarroooooooows!”

The crowd cheers. The bastard across from him snarls, baring fangs. Well, I have fangs too. Harith smiles to show them off. The heavy bardcore singer screams, “And I wonder when we are ever gonna change / Living under the fear ‘til nothing else remains.”

The song is in the background. The Host gestures to both of them, greeting, “So, gentlemen, and I use the term loosely, welcome to Thunderdome. Two men enter, one man leaves, just like in the Manic Manny movies. Frankly, Craig, the audience has just been begging me to eliminate you, but I figure I’d give you one more chance. You win this little fight, the only negative consequence you will suffer from your terrible date is that Mona will be informed of what you just tried to do. I am sure she will take you trying to liquefy her brain quite well.”

Wow. That is some thick sarcasm. Also, what the fuck?!?!?!

The Host continues, “And, Harith, if you win this fight, you get your pardon and Craig’s spot in the harem. Interested?”

“I get my freedom by being Mona’s? I’m fine with that.”

“You want to be that fatass’s little boy toy? What are you a...”

The bastard bowls over in pain. With a snap of her fingers, he stops as the Host declares, “To make this fight as fair as possible, Craig, I am suppressing that little teaching tool from Andy and your punishment transformations, just for the fight. Harith, you may use your gear, just for the fight.”

Harith swaps out the strange workout shorts for his black leather half-plate armor. Alanis is on his hip. Life is good. He smirks as the bastard stares at his cock, shame creeping over his face.

“I fight for Lady Mona’s honor. Permission to go all-out on this cur?”

“You probably won’t need to, but sure. The wards will keep him from dying. Craig, you ready to prove yourself a man and not just a worm?”

“Fuck you, dyke.”

Craig: -2 XP (Stop it with the slurs, already)

“Classy last words, Craig. Let’s begin.”

“We don’t need another hero / We don’t need to know the way home!”

The bastard never learned to fight. At least not really; he lunches forward, teeth bared like an animal, cock erect with bloodlust. Harith barely feels the bite on his forearm, but it is enough to summon the flames of his hellish nature to burn the gnoll. He’s a bit out of practice, it seems, as hyena-boy survives; the arena smells of burned fur now.

Harith pulls his arm back, bellowing, “Hoar damn you!” and slashes down with Alanis. She clips his ear; it’s a bloody mess, but looks much worse than it actually is. You’ll get ‘em next time, babe.

“All we want is life beyond / The thunderdome!”

The animal’s next bite is aimed truer, landing where Harith’s shoulder meets his neck. The smirk on the gnoll’s face as his maw withdraws, dripping his blood, is intolerable. “Bye, bye, Doggie Dougie.” Alanis slices true. The gnoll bastard falls. He ain’t getting back up.

The Host is kind enough to cast Prestidigitation before sending Harith back. Mona slept though the whole thing. Good. Less she had to deal with the bastard, the better. Harith gently crawls back to bed, pressing the human to his chest. She places a hand on his ribs, the other on his crotch. Harith returns to gently stroking the girl until she is ready to wake.

XP pending until official incorporation.

Tyalangan

Tyalangan settles down to stand beside the knocked-out gnoll. She gives him a long examining look before addressing the camera.

“So, my dear audience, we have ourselves a situation here. Craig has honestly earned his elimination several times over, his last of too many chances used up. But, what to DO with him?”

The Host spares her free cast of Cure Wounds on him, just to ease the pain. Whatever the decision ends up being, at least he will rest easy until then. She stands and summons Vix on her shoulder, a handful of snacks at the ready for the fox.

“The one thing I will guarantee is that Mona will not need to deal with him anymore. She didn’t fail him. I failed her by including him in the first place. My failure, my responsibility. I accepted it back then, and I will accept it now.”

Tyalangan pauses just long enough to summon a television screen. She pops up a brief summary of the options she came up with.

“So, I’ve had time to think about it. Here are the fates I have to offer for Mr. Dougie. The first, the closest to tradition. The elimination for him is already written. It has been since late last round, once it became obvious that he would not qualify for the first challenge. This option is simple enough. I transfer Mr. Dougie to my harem, then apply the exit he has earned. Mona is free of him and I make sure he is not a bother to anyone else again.”

“The next two options are similar, in that they are both fates worse than death. One, everyone’s favorite eternal punishment: The Infinite Pit of Fire Snakes. Toss him in to fall, forever untouched by the ravages of time, instead forever touched by venomous snakes on fire. I have been told the suffering is tremendous.”

“Third, The Extras Pool. So long as Stanley is in my employ, I owe the pool a soul. Craig can take the spot; then, if the stapler decides he doesn’t want to be a sea slug, he would be free to leave without being forced into coerced employment as a background character on dark seasons until his soul collapses. Craig would suffer that heinous fate instead.”

“Fourth, some of you audience members have expressed interest in dealing with the gnoll personally. If Someone Else’s Problem wins, I’ll run a second poll to determine who I am delivering Craig to, if they want him. If you’d like to be considered, hit the comments section below.”

“The final option, dear audience, is what I would wish you to really consider. I made the promise, Shar, and this is my attempt to keep it. For those of you that did not watch my old season’s endgame, the hag hired ringers to design the challenges. A couple of said ringers were charged by my Producer to help prevent the ‘big guy,’ the eldritch horror that Mona’s harem will deal with at the end, from waking up before the show could intervene. They could, of course, use more assistance. He will be impressed to serve. If their world survives, he’ll then be free to go. So, it is A Duty, Not Mercy that I am offering him.

“So, dear viewers, vote in the poll below. Share thoughts in the comments.”

“We also have the issue that Harith is behind on the transformation count. That won’t do. So, while you are voting, Harith will be given the top two transformations off of this list. If you somehow make a tie happen, he’ll get three. No vetoes. Choose carefully.”

Tyalangan is, again, not so skilled in illusions to make the text fancy, but she makes do, displaying the options for the audience:

He Waited His Whole Damn Life – ...to take that flight. Incubi can typically fly, shape shifting bat like wings for that purpose. Harith can’t, unless you’d like to grant him the ability to now. Harith gains the following as a species feature: Incubus Flight: Starting at 5th level, Harith can use a bonus action to manifest incubus wings on his body. These wings last for 1 minute. For the duration, he gains a flying speed equal to his walking speed and can hover. Once he uses this trait, he cannot do so again until he finishes a long rest (Incubus).

It’s Like Ten Thousand Spoons – ...when all you need is a knife. Given that a Hexblade is all about a relationship with a weapon, it would just be boring to let Alanis grow in power just through Harith leveling up. Alanis becomes a sentient weapon, with her own separate development path and the ability to shift to a female elvenoid form. In an “ironic” twist, her ability to improve is not based on their performance exactly the way one would expect. Harith will be able to improve her elvenoid form by gaining XP with her in combat. Her combat stats will be improved based on him integrating her elvenoid form in XP granting sexual acts (Hexblade).

It’s Like Meeting The Man Of My Dreams – ...then fucking him and his wife? Sometimes a target is harder to seduce. Using magic is common, but risky. Harith gains the Charm Mastery feat to help him out: Charm Mastery: +1 to Wisdom or Charisma. When Harith casts a charm spell on a target, the target will remain unaware of the magical influence of the interaction on a critical success. In addition, targets will no longer have advantage on resisting Harith’s charm spells in combat (Casanova).

Serial Monogamy – Ok, so there was not a good lyric for this one... A casanova devoted to a single woman? What blasphemy! Harith is unable to derived sexual pleasure or earn XP from sexual service to Mona without first earning at least 1 XP from sexual activity with another contestant. He must alternate between Mona and his fellow harem members if he wants to succeed (Casanova).

Tyalangan finishes with, “There is, of course, a field trip for Mona and some of her harem in the morning. The polls will be open for a week, on your timescale, my dear audience. I will see all of you soon.”