Cathy Is Your Lover

I recognize the pleading in my voice and I hate the sound of it. I've done too much begging in my life and I thought that I was through with it.

"Really, Alex, does it mean that much to you?"

"Cathy, I'm just trying to keep you from getting hypothermia; it's darn cold up here and I can hardly stand it without a hat and some gloves."

She takes a moment in silence, then takes a deep breath of the frigid air and stares up at the stars. Figuring that the conversation is shifting from the ocean to the stars, I lock my fingers together and make a sort of pillow behind my head so that I can gaze upward more comfortably.

"I love it here. Just here, now, without anything else to worry about," she says.

I pause before responding to her statement, trying to think of what to say. The last year has brought me a lot of turmoil and, finally, I might be getting to the point where I can feel for someone else again.

As my mind races through my conflicted feelings, Cathy shivers and scoots next to me. Unconsciously, I lean into her and bring my hands from behind my head to wrap around her.

The small act shows how much she wants to confide in me, if only I can get over the past and deal with this relationship/friendship/whatever-the-Hell-we-have.

"If you want to go in, we can, but now that you're here, I don't really want to be alone right now."

While getting warm under the sheets with Cathy sounds wonderful, the fact that I've kept her so distant bothers me and I can't help but ask, "Do you really want to know how I ended up here?"

She silently nods, her head a disproportionately reassuring weight pressed against my chest.

"Okay, then let's go inside. For this, I'm going to need a drink."