... But What is 'Normal'?

The following chapter is written in 3rd person POV following Cassie

‘It’s fine. You’re fine. She’s fine. Everything will go back to normal eventually.’

Are you sure about that?

‘Of course I’m sure! She’s the one who wanted it to go back to normal in the first place… and… and… I can be normal!’

Can you?

‘Of course I can! We’re co-girlfriends! We’re best friends! We consider each other sisters! That’s never going to change, and that’ll always be our normal! We’ll always go back to that no matter what!’

If you’re fine with that, what was the point of last night?

‘I had to tell her how I feel! How I really feel!’

At the cost of hurting her?

‘I didn’t…’

You made her feel inadequate…

‘No… I…’

She gave you everything she could, but it wasn’t enough for you…

‘It was… it IS enough’

Not being able to give you what you want hurt her more than it hurt you…

‘I-I didn’t mean to…’

You **** her to hurt you…

‘Shut up.’

You broke rule number one…

“Cassie?”

You hurt her.

‘Shut up!’

You hurt her!

‘Shut-up-shut-up-shut-up…’

YOU HURT HER!

‘SHUT UP!’

“Cassie!?”

“Ah!” Cassie shouts, startled, after feeling a hand squeeze her shoulder.

“Are you alright, dear?” Marybeth asks her. “I’ve been trying to get your attention, but it was like you were lost in space.” Marybeth tells her.

“I-I’m sorry, Marybeth. I was just…” Cassie apologizes, but stops herself from telling the truth to Marybeth. She goes back to what exactly she would have been staring at if her mind wasn’t elsewhere. Cassie sees a framed photo of Becca’s family. The photo seems to have been taken when Becca was still in high school, possibly even before that, and they’re all dressed up to the nines—even for their family’s standards.

“I was just wondering why Becca would still display a family photo so prominently. Doesn’t she hate them?” Cassie fibs in order for Marybeth not to ask any further questions about her actual problems.

“Hate? Hate is a strong word. Then again, it is often family that brings the strongest emotions out of us.” Marybeth responds, and Cassie can only nod in agreement. “So, yes, that could be what she feels about them now; but I’ve known her long enough to know that that’s not always been the case.” Marybeth adds.

“Is that what Becca told you? She hates them?” Marybeth then asks Cassie.

“I-well-I, um, I was assuming. Becca and I… we haven’t really had time to really talk yet. We’ve talked about some stuff, but not long enough for her to share what she really thinks of her family, you know?” Cassie answers.

“They’re your family too, dear.” Marybeth points out.

“No they’re not. I don’t have anything to do with them, and I especially don’t want anything to do with him.” Cassie immediately responds, and Marybeth can only give a knowing chuckle.

“I don’t blame you.” Marybeth says with a wry smile. “Sadly, we don’t get to choose our family.” Marybeth adds somberly.

“I did.” Cassie quickly rebuts. “I’ve told you how strained my relationship was with my mom. Not that she’s not trying now, but she hasn’t exactly been motherly when I was growing up. That’s why I feel like family’s a loose concept. Who we hold dear is what’s more important in defining who our real family is.” Cassie argues.

“I mean, Becca considers you her family, doesn’t she?” Cassie adds, ignoring her own mental jab, causing Marybeth’s wry smile to return.

“I do love that girl.” Marybeth says, but with a heavy sigh along with it. “And I do agree that we can choose who we consider family; but, fortunately or unfortunately… family is family.” Marybeth argues back, though it seems it hurts for her to even argue it.

“Do you not feel the same way about Becca?” Cassie asks curiously.

“Oh, heavens! Of course I do. Becca… Becca’s like a daughter to me.” Marybeth quickly answers, and her tone definitely conveys her genuine feelings, but her look immediately returns to being somber. “But even the way I have to phrase it…” Marybeth adds under her breath. As quiet as it was, it sounded as if it pained her to say.

“She’s like a daughter to you.” Cassie repeats, picking up on the nuance of her phrasing.

“Yes, dear.” Marybeth confirms. “And I’m sure Becca phrases it the same way. She may have her differences with her parents, and she may respect my opinion more than theirs, but that won’t change who they are to one another.” Marybeth explains.

“I know what you mean. I used to think the same way.” Cassie tells Marybeth, which amuses the older woman quite a bit.

“What changed your mind, dear?” Marybeth asks her, genuinely curious.

“Remember when I told you when my mom **** me to move away from the city?” Cassie asks, to which Marybeth nods. “I thought because she’s family—and my only family—that I had to go with her. That I had to be with her. Even though, for the most part, she didn’t bother being there with me.” Cassie explains.

“All the while, someone I thought I had left behind didn’t give up on me. We always talked, we always updated each other with how our lives were progressing, and we were always there to support each other even when we were thousands of miles apart. She was—is my constant. And I promised myself that I’d always find my way back to her, and never let go once I did.” Cassie continues.

“And I’m keeping that promise.” Cassie says proudly. “That’s why I think who we consider family is more important, because isn’t that what family is supposed to be? The people who don’t give up on you and the people you can always rely on?” Cassie adds.

“I envy you, Cassie.” Marybeth replies.

“What? Why?” Cassie asks, surprised at her response.

“You’re lucky to have already met someone like that at your age.” Marybeth explains, making Cassie smile.

“I am.” Cassie agrees with a smile. “But that means Becca’s even luckier.” Cassie quickly adds, which gets a curious look from Marybeth. “Because she had you her entire life, and she never had to find a way back to you.” Cassie explains, and the thought brings a tear to Marybeth’s eye.

…

“I’m sorry.” Marybeth apologizes, as she wipes away a single tear. “I didn’t mean to get emotional.” Marybeth adds.

“You don’t have to apologize for that. You never have to apologize for something as trivial as that.” Cassie tells her, before giving Marybeth the warmest hug she could. “You know, it doesn’t matter how you phrase what you feel for Becca. It’s the feeling that matters. And like you said, ‘family is family’.” Cassie twists Marybeth’s earlier statement, as Marybeth returns her hug.

“Thank you, Cassie.” Marybeth tells her, as they part from their hug. “At my age, most people often mistake my jadedness for wisdom. It’s a good thing you had that person to prove otherwise before I could even influence you.” Marybeth explains.

“She must be very special.” Marybeth then adds, with a knowing tone.

“She is.” Cassie answers with a smile on her face.

“Does Jay know?” Marybeth asks, taking Cassie by surprise.

“About what?” Cassie asks back.

“That you’re in-love with his daughter.” Marybeth answers.

“Oh!” Cassie blushes. “Was it that easy to piece together?” Cassie asks, almost embarrassed that she didn’t just name them to Marybeth to begin with. Marybeth laughs at Cassie’s reaction, and nods to answer her.

“Um, yeah. Jay knows.” Cassie tells her.

“And what does he think about that?” Marybeth continues to ask.

“He thinks that I should ‘be happy’.” Cassie answers, which takes Marybeth by surprise.

“How… supportive… of him.” Marybeth says in reaction, taking a few seconds to find the word ‘supportive’. “But then again, it’s probably why you consider him your family too, no?” Marybeth adds.

“Do you think it was a mistake for him to have encouraged me?” Cassie asks.

“No. He was right to support you.” Marybeth quickly answers. “Maybe it’s just because I’m old and jaded, but I just can’t see how that would even work.” Marybeth explains her initial reaction.

“Unfortunately, she thinks the same way.” Cassie tells her somberly.

“Oh.” Marybeth mutters, realizing she accidentally poked a fresh wound. “Is that why you were avoiding her the other day?” Marybeth asks, trying to piece the timeline together.

“No. That came before. I was avoiding her because I didn’t know what to do with my emotions then. I knew I had feelings for her, but I was afraid of exploring it further after I made an ah~... after embarrassing myself in front of her.” Cassie explains.

“If you two are truly sisters, then I’m sure you’ve made ass of yourselves around each other countless times before. That can’t have been the reason why.” Marybeth correctly deduces, even the word Cassie tried to avoid using, which makes Cassie chuckle.

“I can’t get anything past you.” Cassie jokes, clearly amused with Marybeth.

“Your older sister has tried and failed many times before finally coming to that conclusion.” Marybeth jokes, getting an awkward laugh from Cassie.

“I was avoiding her because, deep down, I knew she didn’t feel the same way about me. That she was just humoring the idea of dating me in order to avoid hurting my feelings. But a part of me, the naive part, couldn’t let go of the hope that I could change her mind. So instead of addressing it, I took the coward’s way out.” Cassie tells Marybeth.

“My dear, I know you’re not a coward, and that this story of yours doesn’t end with you choosing to be one. You remind me too much of Becca for that to be the case.” Marybeth encourages Cassie to continue, and Cassie smiles at Marybeth’s comparison.

“It seems like I don’t need to tell you what happened.” Cassie replies.

“Is that the reason why you asked to stay here last night? You fought?” Marybeth places a hand on Cassie’s arm, trying to comfort her as she asks.

You hurt her.

“No.” Cassie answers. “But I did hurt her.” Cassie adds, as she recalls how last night ended.

“What do you mean? How did you hurt her?” Marybeth asks.

You made her feel inadequate…

“I… I made her feel like our friendship—our sisterhood—isn’t enough.” Cassie explains.

“Ahh.” Marybeth says in understanding.

Do you see? Even Marybeth thinks you were being selfish…

‘Shut up!’

“Is that what she said, or is that just what you’re telling yourself?” Marybeth then asks, taking Cassie by surprise.

“She didn’t have to say it—” Cassie tries to explain, but Marybeth cuts her off.

“Just because she rejected the idea of pursuing a relationship with you doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have the same feelings for you. Like you said, what we feel for someone isn’t dictated by the relationship we have with them.” Marybeth tells her.

“I don’t understand.” Cassie admits.

“You’re both already in relationships, dear. You both already love someone else, despite loving each other. That complicates things. It seems you might not see why, but she clearly does.” Marybeth explains.

“Why would it be complicated? Jay doesn’t mind—” Cassie starts to question Marybeth’s point, before Marybeth interrupts her again.

“Jay doesn’t mind, and is maybe encouraging of it, because it’s normal for him. But despite what he might have made you believe—it isn’t.” Marybeth tries to explain.

‘Wait…’

It’s normal for him

“Having multiple partners will always be complicated. Whether your other partners, or in this case—Jay, consents to it or not doesn’t matter. It can still breed jealousy, favoritism, and—eventually—heartache.” Marybeth points out.

‘Will that work?’

Make it normal for you

“In the end, all I’m really saying is what you told me earlier. ‘It’s the feeling that matters’. Especially when the alternative is impossible…” Marybeth says.

‘But it’s not impossible.’

“... or it requires divine intervention.” Marybeth jokes, but Cassie’s train of thought is too busy to notice it.

‘No. Not divine intervention’

MAGIC

‘You need…’

‘Normalized Polyamory’