Be patient and listen to her.

Chapter 7

Megan looks at you with wet eyes.

"I shouldn't say that. I don't want to be a bad sister. Neither for you, nor for Millie." Do not do it! But you're already in there.

"Neither Millie nor I think you are a bad sister. You help her as much as I may do. As I said, she only stays with me at night. And mum and dad don't know everything either. You are doing your thing in the right way. So you're not a bad sister if you allow me to take care of you." Fuck! That was... fuck. "I like to do that and Millie would be happy if I could help you." You pat Megan on the shoulder. "Come on. Give me your worst.” You smile and when the corners of her mouth go up slightly, the first battle has already been won. She takes a breath, then again.

"Promise me you won't look at me funny or laugh or anything."

"I promise!" Again she takes a breath.

"What you and Millie have, that... I want that too." FUUUUUCK! Your mouth is dry, your hands lose their feeling, your heart is racing, you are hot and cold at the same time. The whole world crashes down on you and oddly the only feeling you heaving right now is… Who dafuck cares?! Megan opens her heard for you! Don’t fuck this up bro! Do you hear me boy?! DON’T FUCK THIS UP!

"What exactly?" Megan painfully grimaces and almost squeezes the words out.

"The togetherness. That you two can be close without it looking strange.” She continues at your questioning looks. "Mum always looks at me so funny when I hug you in the morning. But I enjoy that. We are so close that it hurts not to be around you. I'm afraid that something bad will happen every morning when you're not there and every day when we meet after school, I'm glad. Life is so easy for me because of you.” Megan talks faster and faster as she continues. "I don't want to sound lazy or anything. But Millie can take it all in while I'm being looked at strangely. It's hard for me to be around you and not be able to hug you. And if I'm still awake in the evening and know that Millie can lie next to you while I'm wondering what I have to do to..." Then she breaks off and realizes how far she has come. Her eyes widen and she looks at you in shock. Her face is just as red as yours. Then it loses all color. "Shit..." she whispers softly. Then the panic comes. "Forget it. I didn't mean all of that. Everything is actually okay the way it is. Only sometimes not. But it doesn't matter.” She talks even faster. "We should go back to school. We have been away far too long and if we go now you can go to historyclass and..."

She falls silent when you take her in your arms – very gently. Your only exert so much pressure that she know you're there. After a while she also raises her arms and wraps them around your torso. You raise a hand, grasp the back of her head and lay it against your shoulder with the pressure of a falling leaf. You feel her breath on you and the warmth of her face. Her hair tickles your hand. Slowly she becomes calmer and after an eternity in which none of you said anything, she mumbled an almost inaudible 'thank you' in your armpit. Megan is half a head shorter than you and so you put your cheek on her head and comfort her. Her scent enchants you and you almost get lost in that. You know for a fact that you are addicted the second you breathe the scent in your nose.

"Everything is all right. Everything is fine,” you whisper and brush through her silky hair. You can’t speak louder, even if you had the will to do so.

But is really everything in order? You are satisfied when you see her breathing rate decrease, but half your universe is just exploding in your head. You were only that close to her when something really bad had happened. But not like this. Not because there was something between you. You notice that this has a completely different scope. And worst of all, you realize that you like holding Megan in your arms. A goddam lot.

But it's not about you. Even if it apparently is. And while most of you calmly talk to your sister without really knowing what you're saying, a small part thinks about what to do now. Thoughts are racing in your head. If Megan really has feelings for you, or at least problems with you and Millie getting so close, then you can't go on with the tour to exclude yourself from all your strategies. If what you suspect is real, then your worst nightmare and your greatest hope have come true. Then you have to get involved in the equation. That's the only way to make Megan happy. But that also means that your imaginary drill sergeant has lost.

But before you can continue planning, you have to take another step towards the abyss to make Megan happy. The feeling of her fingers on the back of your right hand brings you back to reality. You both look down on your hands and when you look each other in the eyes, Megan smiles.

"Why do you know that everything will be fine?" Her eyes are still wet and her face is flushed, but in her question lays curiosity, not fear.

"Because I will take care of it. Because that's my life,” you say, and nothing in the universe could prove these words wrong. Megan smile even widens.

"I know." Then you walk wordlessly back to your car. On the way there her hand touches yours again and after a short time you take her hand and your fingers intertwine.

• You will give this chapter a like. "I will give this chapter a like." Move along. "Move along. Move along."