Agent 0069: License to Fuck

The mysterious app finishes installing itself, and launches without warning. Suddenly, the phone lights up with a confusing barrage of messages - IDENTITY CONFIRMED, PHONE SECURED, PERCEPTION FILTER ACTIVATED and countless others. Eventually, they resolve into one.

WELCOME AGENT 0069

The screen begins to play a video. A man wearing a dark gray suit and black leather gloves sits in a nondescript office, his face hidden offscreen and his voice strangely accentless. "Congratulations, Agent. Your interest in our agency has been considered and accepted, and you are now one of the elite few chosen to be a Double-O. You may not even remember said interest, but let me assure you that this is no mistake. ...Ah, do forgive the theatrics. Our founder rather liked the thought of outfitting playboy agents with high-tech toys. You will only be given the essentials for your particular assignment, however; I'm afraid that your new salary will have to cover the Aston Martin if you so choose."

"Naturally, the designation Double-O means that you have been granted a 'license to fuck'. In this case it is quite literally a license - you will find your agency ID card tucked underneath your driver's license. When you show it to a person, it will allow you to have sex with them, and they will follow all commands from you that pertain to sex. Your license also ensures that no one else will interfere, and that they will obey all commands that aid the intercourse about to or currently taking place."

"The affected individuals will obey because they believe it to be the widely accepted law of their society, even if they personally object. The only valid objection is from those who are not old enough to consent to sex with you; they are affected by the license in all respects except that they will politely refuse intercourse with you and inform you of their age so that there will be no misunderstanding. The sex will always be enjoyable for both parties whatever their feelings, and those who observe the intercourse will find it arousing. If the intercourse takes place in public, no one will change their behavior or leave the area unless you instruct them to."

"Quite the privilege, eh? And you can't lose or damage the items that we assign to you, either; just as we made them appear in your possession, we can ensure that they stay in your possession. Now, this concludes the general Double-O briefing. Let me congratulate you once more, Agent, and hand you to Operations for your assignment. Any other equipment that you may see in front of you is connected to that assignment, and its use will be explained by them."

"Good luck, Agent, and thank you for your service."