A schemer and evil genius; the Bonnie to my Clyde.

I was in a damn good mood. These past two days everything was just coming up Murasaki and I was eating up the good fortune without regret. My confidence was at an all-time high, especially as I walked through the corridors of the fifth spear with my new… girlfriend? Devotee? Sex-****? Frankly, I wasn’t entirely sure what to call the dynamic between Saria and me. She called me ‘Master” and I had already busted at least two nuts in her mouth and one in her bra; so, whatever you’d call that dynamic.

Regardless of what you’d call our mutual partnership, her fit-and-jiggly presence at my side was making me feel like a million-dollars and speaking of money, the substantial amount of gold I’d gotten from my quest last night wasn’t hurting either.

We had just arrived at the commons area of the fifth spear, where my classroom was. It was a large, open space with a big skylight and a water fountain in the center. Atop the well-maintained fountain was the statue of a topless mermaid with huge titties, so it wasn’t hard to see why this may have been my favorite spot on the campus. Then again, I hadn’t tried to invade my dorm’s bath yet… thoughts for later.

“Are you sure this is the right spot, Master?” Saria asked.

“Oh yes, my friend should be here any minute.” I grinned and then added, “We’re early today; I normally wake up ten minutes before class in a blind panic.”

Saria nodded and stood patiently beside me.

As I waited, I killed the time by molesting Saria’s firm yet jiggly rear and ogling all the early-birds as they loitered in the commons. That’s when I spotted the signs of my friend’s arrival.

A pair of hands suddenly shot up from behind a stacked, green-haired cutie, ravaging her hefty breasts and squeezing her soft-looking thighs. She yelped in surprise from the sudden attacker.

“Soft as ever Milly,” a voice announced, and a pair of glasses gleamed in the light from behind the victim.

“C-cut it out, Haize,” the green-haired lady responded, flushing and clearly embarrassed but not putting up that much of a fight. “You’re the worst!” but even as she said this, the pouting molestee only gave the molester a half-hearted and almost playful shove.

“Huhuhuuu~” the bespectacled groper chuckled as she slunk out from behind her and made a chef’s kiss. “Magnificent,” she said and then began walking toward me. This was Haize Darkness, and she was a pretty unique specimen here in the academy.

Now that I had the benefit of hindsight after my discussion with the drunk goddess yesterday, I had come to a realization. There were two types of students at this academy: the closet perverts and the shameless perverts who could and would take full advantage of the former. I fell comfortably into the latter category and so did Haize here, which explained why we got along so well.

She approached with one arm hugging her torso and the other pushing up her square, black-framed glasses then brushing a lock of messy crimson-red hair out of her face. In terms of figure, the girl had an ass and thighs that wouldn’t quit, but her breasts were actually a rarity in this school. As I’d mentioned before, most students at this academy had breasts that were one of two extremes: huge or flat. Haize had the whole “medium is premium” deal going. I recalled her saying she was a C-cup at one point.

“Musky, you’re here early,” she said.

“Have I asked you to marry me yet?” I asked, casually.

“Only every single time we meet up,” she replied and gave my arm a playful slug.

“And what’s your answer?”

She scoffed and gave me a pitying look, “You couldn’t even afford the ring, bucko.” Her gleaming silver eyes fell almost immediately on the form of my new companion and she began to chuckle in her signature way, “Uhuhuu, now this fine thing, on the other hand…”

“A new friend,” I announced proudly, puffing out my chest like I was hot shit.

“Mind if I test the pudding on this little desert tray?” Haize asked and licked her lips. She reached out to grab at Saria’s breasts but before she could…

“Hup,” Saria grunted as she easily, quickly, and effortlessly deflected the approach of the redhead’s wandering hands.

“Whoa,” Haize blinked, then spun around so that they were side-by-side. This time, she tried to go for Saria’s perky butt.

“Yah,” Saria’s tone was flat as ever as she made these vocalizations, and there was no anger or even embarrassment in her expression as she deflected this hand with ease as well.

“I like a challenge…” Haize grumbled, grinned, then began a flurry of attempted gropes, trying to find and exploit any gap in the pink-haired vixen’s defenses.

But there were none, Saria easily dodged or blocked every attempt and wouldn’t even give Haize the satisfaction of maintained contact with her arms as she bumped away the groping hands.

Because I was curious now, I decided to see what Saria’s class was.

Saria Kaizen, Human Monk Lv. 18
Prime Weapon: Defensive Martial Arts; Secondary Weapon: Bo Staff
Aura: Aura of Protection

Oh damn, level eighteen. That was more than three times what the average student had. She was a graduate for sure. No wonder Haize couldn’t land anything, especially since…

Haize Darkness, Human Rune Mage Lv. 5
Prime Weapon: Wand
Magic Schools: Divination, Glyph

…Yep, Haize was only level five. Speaking of which, by now Haize was a panting mess, “What the fuck, man? Did you manage to find the only prude in this whole place?” Haize asked. “Wait, is this the chick that slapped you that one time?”

“Prude? I don’t know what you mean,” I said, grinning as I put an arm around Saria’s waist and pulled her against me. Her breasts pressed against my chest like oversized marshmallows, and I leaned in to kiss her on the lips, bringing up my other hand to fondle the exact same tits that Haize had just tried to.

“Mlem… mmm… mn… chu.” Our kiss was deep and passionate, and when it was over I returned the look Haize had given me a moment ago with my own gaze of pity.

“What the fuck!?” Haize was stunned.

“Master has exclusive rights to me until such time as he extends said rights to anyone else,” Saria informed, matter-of-factly but blushing lightly.

“Did that bitch just call you ‘MASTER’!?” Haize exclaimed.

Now I was the one chuckling like a madman.

“Hey, hey, listen, you and I are good friends, right, Musky?” Haize asked as she slithered up next to me, on the other side from Saria, and poked my chest enticingly. She turned her glittering silver eyes up at me from behind her glasses and pouted, “Why not share with your best buddy, Haize?”

In response, I gave her the most devilish grin I could muster, “You couldn’t even afford the service fee.”

She returned a grin of her own, “Still wanna marry me? I might be willing to give a discount on that.”

All jokes aside, that proposal (no pun intended) was actually pretty tempting. Haize Darkness and I just seemed to get each other. We were cut from the same cloth, two sides of the same coin. She was like a bisexual female version of me who was much much smarter. If there was one girl in this school I would actually consider being in a serious steady relationship with, it was her.

But no, I had a plan, so I had to remain determined. “Tempting, but no. But maybe we can come up with some kind of agreement. Or perhaps, even better…” I reached into my dimensional inventory and produced a metallic box and displayed it, “how about a wager?”

Her eyes went from the box, to me. Her smile widened and a metallic box of her own appeared in her hand, “Now we’re talking.”

Back in my world, on Earth, I was a full-blown, full-time, full-frontal nerd. Videogames, anime, niche artsy indie films, and yes, even collectable card games. There was one in particular that had been my favorite, Wizard: The Assembly. Many a paycheck had been sunk into booster packs, online card sellers, and various other peripheral accessories related to the game. It made me kind of sad that all of those cards would be gone forever now. If I weren’t in an afterlife full of horny babes now, I’d probably be miserable without my precious collection.

But it wasn’t a total waste of effort. Playing that game with my friends in life had given me a knack for card-based games, and one might think that a skill like that would be wasted in an afterlife where Wizard: The Assembly didn’t even exist, but that was only true if there wasn’t a similarly popular card game in this one. Halphor, as it happened, did have a card game that wasn’t exactly like WTA, but it was similar enough: Sphere Knights.

And Sphere Knights was Haize’s passion. When I said she was a lot like a sexier me, I hadn’t been kidding, she collected a ton of cards for Sphere Knights, and the afterlife had only stopped her from having her old collection. She was on a mission to rebuild it here in Melfluere, but of course that was a pricy endeavor, so every bit of gold counted. But naturally, her obsession with the game in life had made her an absolutely cracked deck-builder and tactical genius at the game.

She was quite a challenging opponent.

She grinned as she placed a single card on the battlefield, a monster that could easily end the game in her favor.

I was sweating, this was bad. The odds were stacked against me from the start; I could only consistently beat this deck of hers once out of maybe twenty games. Since she had been so interested in having access to Saria, I wagered that if she won, she’d get access to the pink-haired bombshell’s bod. But if I won, she’d lend her tactical genius, information network, and knack for magitech to our ally-seeking cause.

“Feelin’ the heat?” Haize asked, confidently. There was some degree of cheese in this question, since her deck was fire themed. It was not lost on me, but at the moment, I hated it.

I furrowed my brow, staring at the cards in my hand. It definitely didn’t look good. I would be dead in two turns max if I didn’t get a miracle. Then Saria’s body would be just as much Haize’s as it was mine.

In case you were worried, I didn’t make this bet without consulting Saria first. She was willing to go through with it but made it clear that she only had a true bond with me. Should she ever have to choose between us, she’d choose me without hesitation. That was comforting, at least, because at this rate it looked like that was going to be my reality.

“It’s your turn, Musky,” Haize reminded, wearing the same shit-eating grin she always got when she knew she was winning.

I placed a hand at the top of my deck, preparing to draw a card. I could think of only one card that would save me from defeat. The odds of drawing it now were roughly one in thirty, since I had already gone through roughly half my deck so far. If I got anything else, the game was over, I would have to concede.

I was pouring sweat at this point.

I turned to Saria standing beside me, “Saria!”

“Hm?” She looked at me curiously.

“Flash me, for luck!”

“Ha—!” Haize let out a single loud guffaw followed by a cute little snort that I hated when I first met her, but now found actually kind of endearing and cute.

“Shut up you,” I pointed at her without even looking, my eyes glued to Saria.

Saria did as she was commanded, unbuttoning her jacket and blouse, and pulling it open for me to see. Her beautiful orbs bounced before my eyes. Her cute, pink nipples were stiff and exactly what I needed.

“You fool,” Haize chuckled, “you have given me the same blessing, it won’t work!”

I ignored Haize and basked in the surge of power Saria’s tits had given me, I inhaled and drew the card. I brought it into my hand, eyes closed. Mentally, I counted to three, then revealed the result to myself.

Yes, YES!

With a triumphant, “AHA!” I discarded the required number of energy tokens and slammed down the new card. “Sealing Ward!” I grinned.

Haize’s smile faded and she tilted her own game-ending card, indicating that it couldn’t be used this turn.

“And with my remaining energy tokens, I use this,” I slapped down a card I had been sitting on for the entire game, one that doubled the attack power of all my currently active units. I pushed my knights forward, indicating that I was attacking with them and smiled smugly at my opponent, who had no energy tokens of her own left.

It was check-mate.

“Fuuuuuuck,” she lamented and dropped the cards in her hand onto the table.

“One-in-twenty chance of victory, baby,” I cheered, “but never zero!” I leaned over and kissed one of Saria’s nipples. “Thanks, Saria.”

“Of course, Master.”

“Fuck you, dude,” Haize groaned, her head collapsed on her arm. “All right, fine, what did you want me to do? Need me to steal some panties again?”

“’Again’?” Saria asked.

“U-uh no! Not this time. Okay, listen up, this might take a minute.”

I then proceeded to explain everything that had happened these past two days to Haize, starting with the conversation with Anterose in my dream. She expressed envy at my job and its abilities, especially the Paradise Shift, and she lost her shit at my recounting of melting slimes with my spunk. I showed her Slime-tan—whom she was delighted to meet—and explained the idea that Saria had just before coming here.

“Okay, let me get this straight,” Haize began with Slime-tan resting comfortably on her lap, “the whole reason you’re here is because a goddess hijacked your reincarnation and brought you here instead of to Earth’s afterlife.”

I nodded.

“And because she was shitfaced at the time, neither you nor her have any idea why she did that.”

“That seems to be the case,” Saria replied.

“Sheesh, it must be rough being an Anterose follower right now, eh?” Haize asked.

Saria sighed, “It is certainly not ideal. Luckily, she has stewards for circumstances like these. The faith will not crumble to pieces, but there are some individual quirks that can crop up, like Master’s case.”

“I see.”

“Well,” I began, “anyway that’s the deal. Since we have no idea what Anterose might ask me to do in the future, we figured it would be a good idea to be prepared.”

Haize pushed her glasses up on her nose, a brief flash of light being reflected in the lenses. “If it’s a plan you’re after, you’ve come to the right lady. Ordinarily I’d charge a fortune for my services, but since you beat me fair and square, I’ll think of something. I already have a few ideas; lets meet up again at lunchtime and I’ll have something concrete for ya.”

“Deal,” I grinned and shook Haize’s hand. “I knew I could count on you!”

“Huhuhuuu, flattery will get you everywhere, Musky.”