A firework of emotions

Chapter 103

It was correct to assume that you don't mind driving to town again today. If this is your future life, you don't mind spending it on the road. Especially not when someone like Maureen Lynchwood is sitting next to you, hands in her lap, a small handbag between the legs and not speaking. You are also lacking words, but none of you bothers it that the reality keeps coming up to you, whispering in your ears how your past was. You haven't said more numerous or more hurtful words to any of your girls than Maureen and she is also the one who has hurt you the most over the years. But that doesn't count when you turn into the parking lot of a restaurant your parents took you to ages ago. The last visit to the establishment wasn't very nice and your stepmother and Maureen almost fell on each other. Millie had cried, Megan was angry, and your father was disappointed. Maureen still remembers it too well and you wonder why she chose this place of all places to go on a romantic date with you. Your cell phone vibrates in your pocket and you read the message on the display just out of habit. Megan wrote you.

Hey biggie. Why are you reading this? Take care of your other sister you fool! I love you and I am happy with you! If you answer this, I'll get Millie not to hug you for a week. Over and out.

You have to laugh out loud and Maureen looks over at you.

"Oh, excuse me," you mean and switch your cell phone to 'silent' and put it back in your pocket. Your sister just looks at you questioningly. "Megan wished us a nice evening."

"Oh" comes towards you. You sit together in the unsightly ceiling light in your car, but that doesn't affect your sister's beauty a bit. "Is she very sad?" You raise your eyebrows questioningly. "That she can't spend time with you?"

"I don't want to lie to you... so... yes, I think so." What are you doing you moron? But the answer is simple. You take care of Megan as much as you take care of Maureen. Time to take her fears away. “But she really enjoys doing it. I know my wombat. She likes you and wants to try it with you." Does she really don't bother t be apart from you know? Shut up now!

"She really tries hard with me, I'm grateful for that." Look at Maureen. She does the right thing. Do the fucking same!

“And you with her Maureen. Seeing you together makes me really happy." That should work... I hope.

"And horny right?" She laughs muted and is back to the girl you love to see.

"Yes, that too," you shrug your shoulders awkwardly. "So do not worry. If she's angry with anyone, it's me." Oops.

"Why should she be?" Because I don't spend enough time with her, not support her enough, and lose the favor of Millie in the process, all in an attempt to make Denise and you happy too. Fuck! It dawns on you what challenge awaits you.

"Oh forget it," you wave lightly. “Let's not discuss this today. You know me too. I always think too much. The time now belongs to you and me too, okay?” Maureen looks at you for a long time until it seems creepy to you. Then she thinks about it and doesn't make it any more uncomfortable for both of you. You still have to get used to each other and when Maureen smiles at you and you jump out of the car to hold her door open you realize that everything that holds you two together is love. At least the two of you are intelligent enough to recognize this and to make an effort to make your adventure work, even if that means not addressing certain things. You notice how the uncertainty burns in your stomach, but maybe it's just the hunger after a hard day or the realization that you look like a gigantic pile of dung next to Maureen in her evening dress. You'd rather look like a make a monkey next to her than think about something boiling beneath the perfect surface of your life. No! Don't worry now! Fight for your girl you dog!

---

Fuck!

Even if you both make an effort, the evening is somehow under a bad star. Your mood is only dragged down by this realization and Maureen reacts to it as expected and withdraws more and more. Desperately you fall back on many exuberant compliments on her appearance, which is true but does not improve the situation. You sit together at a small round table on the wall of the guest room. The ambiance is dark and romantic which none of you notice. Muffled voices from couples and groups reach you, all of whom are happier and more casual than you are. The waitstaff hasn't even come. That can be cheerful. At some point the server appears in the form of a slim and tall, flat-haired young man in a flawless uniform and posture.

“Can I bring the couple something to drink? We have two excellent wines on offer.” You can't look fast enough before Maureen has already ordered a glass of white wine. You as the driver of the evening...

“And my boyfriend has a Coke.” The waiter grimaces for a moment, you can't blame him, then he says goodbye. And then... there is the silence. It comes so bad that you even look around the room with mock interest and the sight of a couple in love a few tables away only makes you more depressed. But what do you want to talk to Maureen about? About Josh? The fight? Your time with your parents? Your family? The orgy? Or how you **** yourself on her and **** her to a life that she might not even want? Fuck! Before you can tear your hair off your head, Maureen saves you from despair. "I hope cola was okay?"

"You know me" you laugh nervously. Fuck this has to stop! You clear your throat, Maureen tenses up in her beautiful dress. "No, honestly, that was nice of you." Another nervous laugh from you. "It's not your fault. With the Coke and my looks, I feel like a stinking farmer next to a queen.” This compliment doesn't seem to miss its purpose and Maureen chuckles not in an act.

“I am not a queen. Megan is your queen.” She smiles and probably remembers something nice. "And Millie your princess."

"But you are…"

"So nervous that I've been drinking all day" laughs your sister and you notice the slight reddening on her cheeks. She even applied makeup. At this moment the waiter comes to your table and Maureen almost snatches the wine glass from his hand. You have your Coke served and regret not being able to get drunk yourself. After all, it is a consolation that you allow Maureen to relax a little with your driving-service. Your girlfriend is already raising her glass to her lips and you are about to do the same, then she pauses. With the edge on her lips, she looks at you with clear eyes. Then she puts the glass down and looks at you in amusement. You look at her with wide eyes and wait eagerly for her reaction. A giggle comes from her throat which soon grows to a laugh that is almost too loud. Her shoulders shrug in amusement and her upper body rises and falls, enchanting your mind. "Man we are stupid" laughs your sister. You ask her somewhat meekly what she means. After a few seconds, she has regained control so far that she can talk normally, whereby the two of you have narrowly escaped a riot in the room. Neither you nor she have experience with such eloquent occasions, but laughing out loud is certainly not good. “Just look at us,” giggles Maureen and looks at her wine glass in her hands. You follow her request, but are still in need of an idea.

"Maureen, I have no idea what you mean," you confess to her, but you twist your lips into a smile. The glass in your hands is cool and comfortably heavy.

"I was so nervous about this date, you wouldn't believe me," she confesses to you, amused. "I drank all day and Megan had to **** me not to back down twice."

"She wrote something like that for me too," you grin. Maureen smiles even wider. Her red cheeks are a fine contrast to her lips. No one you know can smile like your big sister.

"Do you see it? We're so much alike.” She shakes her head and a curl falls from her ear in front of her eye. She leaves it there and looks mischievously at you between her hair. Your heart stings with love. "I thought I'd take away the chance of Megan on a date with you. After all, the two of you have never met alone either.” You just nod, don't want to spoil anything or take sides. “I was determined not to ruin your evening with my worries. I know how important our happiness and fun are to you. But then I wondered if it wouldn't be much worse to hide my worries from you.” She shrugs and grins awkwardly. "I don't understand how you can endure it."

"I think through love" you reply very soberly because you can't think of a better explanation yourself.

“Through love” ponders Maureen and grunts. "I still have to get used to it."

“You're already doing that” you encourage her. "And that works great."

"Do you think so?" She grunts again and looks at you questioningly. "I feel so stupid and arrogant because I cheated Megan out of her evening with you."

"You don't have that Maureen," you say but it sounds a little too ****. Then it's you who have to laugh when despair turns into knowledge. Your voice makes it loud enough to draw attention to several tables. That too! Fuck it all! You lean over the table, maneuver your arms around a candle and glasses over to hers and take hold of her stunning hands. You pull her a little closer to you. Her lotion smells like peaches. Your sister's face is softening and her gaze rests on your hands and then wanders up into your face. The light of the candles plays shadows on her skin. She looks **** and a little ashamed. "Megan would spank you if she knew you were disregarding her plan like that." Your first argument almost hit the mark and Maureen giggles and agrees with you. Another strand comes off her hairstyle and falls over her face on the other side. Neither of you cares. “She's my middle, older little sister, my wombat. God help me if I screw this up. She is happy for us and I know her very well. Yes, she would love to spend time with me, and would Emma, ​​too, I'm sure. But we're here together now, and that's important too, Maureen, honey.” At your words, her face lights up a little. "Shit, big sister, you help me with this thing too."

"Yes?" She can't really believe it. Her voice is soft and fragile, but also curious.

"Yes damn it" you laugh again, again a little too loud. “Right now at this moment. How can I be in a bad mood when I'm around such a great person? You're helping me find myself Maureen, and I thank you for that.” Your sister seems to take your words well, so you add another shovel. "How stupid must we be to be sad or afraid on such an evening?"

“Or nervous” muses the girl, who also clasps your hands with her fingers. You shake your head vigorously.

"No, it's okay to be nervous." The oldest Lynchwood raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"I can't imagine that with you."

"Millie says that too" you laugh and this time you think of the other guests in the room. “But take a look at yourself. Do you have any idea what this dress and especially your presence... and your damn hairstyle do to me?” You pull her a little closer to you and as she leans forward you can look for a split second between her breasts that rise towards you under black velvet. "Maureen honey, I'm dying here" you grin and make her giggle so much that she has to lean back and put a hand over her mouth so as not to laugh out loud. Your evening will suddenly be much better.

"I hope that doesn't happen," she giggles exuberantly. "Megan and Millie would tear me apart."

“Why do I always joke with my siblings that the others will kill me?” you ask calmly. Maureen has a very simple but perfect answer to that.

"Because we are siblings and siblings do that to each other." Then she leans forward again and this time she takes your hand. The **** in the glass next to her is forgotten. "And we love each other."

"Quite right" you slowly nod your head. "So what do you think of it when we forget we acted like idiots and enjoying our date, big sister?"

"Sounds great little brother." It turns out that true love can overcome anything. A good dose of humor and a fantastic evening dress also help. You both relax visibly and when Maureen laughs at the first of your jokes, things are going uphill for you.

“Do you know that we've been here before?” you finally ask when the waiter has just refilled the glasses. You sent him around the restaurant for another round to be able to spend some more time together. After all, this is the last stop of the evening and you are looking forward to enjoying it from now on. Maureen nods at your question.

“I'll never forget the argument. Mum was really angry with me.” She seems a bit guilty but is not in a bad mood.

"Didn't you say 'fuck yourself' to her?"

“I have to apologize to her,” Maureen mumbles, but is happy again. "You really changed me."

"I don't know if it can be done that quickly," you mean.

“Not this week alone you fool” laughs Maureen and makes you feel good. "I meant that you gave me the chance to be who I really am," she explains. You don't quite understand yet. "Do you know why I was in such a bad mood that evening?" You shake your head. "My boyfriend had dumped me on that day."

"Oh yes, you really didn't want to come with us at first" it occurs to you.

“I was really pissed off and Mum was always rubbing it in. 'Find a better friend', 'Take care of yourself', 'Be more like your brother'." She talks in a high-pitched voice and should actually sound sad. You get the answer why she is so happy right away. "It turns out I've followed her advice now."

"Just don't tell her that, please" you laugh. The waiter comes and you order something to eat. You urgently need the nutrients after this day and Maureen also orders a large portion. Pasta for her with a salad as a starter and a casserole for you. You forego the salad and have bread with herb butter and some parmesan brought to you.

"I was so pissed off when I saw you and Megan," Maureen continues while she starts to eat. “You already know that you can see your two affection from outer space? And it's even worse with Millie."

"Yes, I know that we are playing a risky game," you say and your mind darkens a little. "I just hope that I can explain that with this 'brother thing'."

“Don't worry too much Finn. I am now part of this world too and I want it to last.” She collects herself and then continues to speak. "That's why we're here tonight."

"You wanted a romantic date" you state.

"No... well... yes, of course." She struggles even more.

"Maureen, just say it," you encourage her. “What bad can happen? We have already embarrassed ourselves.” She laughs and reluctantly but happily agrees with you.

“I've never had a real date,” she finally admits. The fork almost falls out of your hand, which makes your most mature friend laugh. "No, honestly. It always came down to sex. Sure, my friends and I met often, mostly at parties with music that was too loud to talk.” She carefully puts her shiny fork on the edge of the plate and looks shyly around the room. “That's another reason I was so nervous. I always wanted to have a romantic evening with the boy I was in love with. Just…” She sighs. “They didn't want that. I can understand somehow."

"If one looks like you, they just wanted you?" You realize too late that this saying doesn't necessarily have to be well received, but Maureen saves you from yourself again.

"Exactly. But don't worry, I've never seen anyone look at me like you did before. "

"Really?" You can't believe it, but you get a shake of her head to confirm.

"No. That is so sweet of you. I've spent so long making myself beautiful for you and always had doubts as to whether I was doing it right.” She points to her hair. “That was the idea of Megan. She helped me with this. I'm not used to getting help more the way I look.” Now she's nervous again.

"You know that I fell in love with you, yes?" She nods quickly. “That you look like you do now is just a nice extra. Don't get me wrong, I think something shortcutted in my brain when I saw you, that's why I'm talking such shit."

“It all sounds great to me. Maybe I'm too much in love with you too." You stop for a moment and look at each other. Soft music can be heard in the background and even if you were so loud earlier it is not enough to captivate the attention of the other guests forever. You are alone at your table. “It took me a long time to understand what I wanted in life. So many times I've thought I'd found it, the one thing I want and need. I thought I was happy, or at least satisfied, with my boyfriends. I took it for granted that my family was harmed by that. Nobody was there to show me that there is another way. So much anger and fear and uncertainty.” Maureen laughs softly and messes up her hairstyle even more. “I was lost all along and only now do I see what life has in store for me. I love y...” She pauses as your fingers lightly touch her cheek. You look each other in the eye and are silent while you slide gently over her even more beautified face, feel the skin of her cheeks, caress her chin and let your fingers slide upwards. Maureen closes her eyes as your knuckles touch her strands of hair and brush them aside. You expose her face, slide your thumbs over her lips and run your fingers along the base of her eyebrows. Your face is relaxed and neutral, you concentrate only on the girl in front of you who encircles your forearms with her hands and enjoys your touch. Slowly her eyes open again, find your gaze and fix on it while you caress her face and somehow manage to bring her hair behind her ears. None of you say anything for a long time and just as you were embarrassed to admit your feelings and the fears that go with them, so you now bathe in the knowledge that there is nothing that can separate you. You want the same.

"Tell me more" you whisper.

"I wanted to, but you interrupted me," Maureen says flatly. It's not a joke, just a fact. But her words don't cause any reaction in any of you. No nervous laughter or comment about the other. You just look at each other and there is nothing that can pull you apart. Finally Maureen swallows briefly, closes her eyes and when she opens them again, the joy is written on her face again to see you. "What do you want to hear?"

"Your voice." Her face is calm, but something in her eyes is sparkling brightly. Despite your words, she is quiet for a few seconds. You wait patiently.

"I..." She thinks a little longer, then it bursts out of her. "I want to be with you. I want to be your girlfriend. I don't care what others think about it. You are the right one for me and it doesn't matter that you are my brother. No, it does matter,” she corrects herself. “It's much better that way. You know me and you understand me. I want to be with you, live with you. I want you to take care of my sisters and all the other girls who love you and will fall in love with you. I don't care how many other girls you have in your life. I know that you love me. I see it in everything you do. I don't care how short we're together. It doesn't matter.” Warm breath flows around your fingers from her mouth and her ears and temples warm from the blood rushing through her veins. “I want to argue with you and know that we are still together afterward. I want to complain to you because you doubt yourself and I want to team up with your other girls to help you. I want you to help me like myself and that you tell me, I don't need to be afraid. I want to sleep with you and have orgasms so strong that I think I'll go insane. I want to watch other girls sleep with you because I don't care that others love you. I don't care that you love others. None of this is important. I want us to love each other and for you to make me laugh. I want to be nervous when I'm around you and when you're scared I want to be there for you. I wanna be your sister and I wanna be your girlfriend. I want to fall asleep next to you and wonder how the next morning will be with you. I want to grow old with you and move into a house with all your other girls. I want to buy a dog and start a family with you. I want to enjoy my life because I know that you exist."

She has no fear of speaking this out. Maureen knows all of this is to come, she firmly believes in it. And you get lost in her voice and her eyes and the idea that all of this can come true. Then finally your girlfriend and big sister is silent and you just look each other in the eye again. You would never have thought that something like this could work, but for the first time in your life you experience true love between you two and you and your other girls. That's real, that's right, and that's something special.

"You want a lot," you say monotonously but with a thin smile around your lips. You don't make any funny comments or exuberant promises either. You are in your own world and there such things don't count.

“You already gave me all of this Finn. You gave me everything I want. You're perfect for me.” Then her eyes flicker. "I want to be perfect for you." As you hold her warm face in your hands and her bright, wet eyes study you, you notice that you haven't been breathing for half a minute or so. Slowly you take a deep breath while the light of the candle shines in her eyes only for you.

“I haven't bought a dog yet. So...“ You break off when Maureen starts shaking with suppressed laughter. She inhales in a squeak and almost slips off her chair as she leans back and the contact between you ends in a very pleasant way. You don't need to hear now that Maureen loves you. You know that. It is much more important for you that you know her and be welcomed in her soul. And with one hand over her mouth, her stomach cramping and with a vein on her neck, Maureen Lynchwood lets you completely into her soul. Her eyes water with happiness and you grin like a madman when your girlfriend can no longer hold on. Chuckling and growling, she lets her perfectly styled head sink onto the tabletop. Her shoulders rise and her shoulder blades bob under the black fabric of her dress as she tries not to let out her laughing too loudly. You have never been as proud of her as you are now. You look around the room apologetically and notice that the couple is jealously examining you a few tables further.

---

The waiter brings you your food and Maureen calms down enough that you can concentrate on the plates in front of you. You eat in silence but keep throwing happy and amorous looks at each other. The food tastes wonderful and you enjoy the experience together. At some point, when it is time to think about dessert, your sister takes the floor.

“How do you imagine our future? As I know my sisters and got to know Denise and Emma, ​​you are the one who decides.” You let your fork sink into your food and just look at her for a long time. “And that's exactly how I see it,” she shrugs her shoulders. Something is nagging on your inner walls.

"Yes?" You try to gain time to answer this question. Maureen realizes something is wrong, an ability she seems to have copied from Megan.

"Yes, honey." She lets the word melt in her mouth but then comes back to the subject. “I think we should all be aware that you are the anchor point in our lives. At least that's how I wish it." She finishes her meal. "And owing to the fact that I finish eating faster than you, I gather that this is a bit of a bother for you." She doesn't sound really worried. "Tell it to me." There is no possible way for you to deny her an answer. She is too clever not to see that something is happening with you. You wish that only you could find out what it is. The fear comes to you that this feeling that darkens your mood be the second is one of which you thought would never show his ugly head. But now it happens and there is nothing you can do. There is something and now you must open the vault in your head for Maureen and show her that she can trust you and you trust her with your life. Too often it was your girls who shower you their trust. You had an almost perfect day and don't want to ruin it for your girlfriend. But you need to respect her mind.

"Better not," you grumble in a last attempt. "I already told Megan that. We had such a beautiful evening and... "

"I'm not Megan" you are gently interrupted. “My little sister likes you so much, Finn. She doesn't like to see you unhappy.” Then she smirks. "But unlike her, I don't take it into account." You look at her somewhat shocked. “I mean that you can be the big brother and protector of Megan, Millie and Denise. And Emma is very fond of you and your influence on her."

"But you are different" you conclude soberly. No chance to avoid a topic which you don't know what it is. Maureen is right and is in control. If you want to honor her, you have to confide in her.

"Not really. I also fell in love with the Finn who crawled under the covers at night with a very scared and injured girl and took her without asking.” That elicits a grin, but it doesn't seem very happy. “I think your wombat has yet to find its way. With your help, it won't be a problem. "

“You're smart,” you mean. Maybe I can distract her that way.

"I know." Never mind. “Megan has always been fixated on you and torn between you and Millie. To be honest, a relationship with her big brother is the best thing that could have happened to her in this situation.” She snorts in amusement. “Never thought I'd say that. But I also benefit from you.” Again she lays her hands invitingly on the white tablecloth with a few stains from the food. Her skin is soft, her fingernails perfectly maintained. You have to fear that you will somehow break it with your sandpaper skin. Still, you put your hands in hers. “You are strong and you know what you want. Most of all, you also know how to get what you want. But the best thing about you is that you don't hurt anyone.” Another giggle, bright and without grief. "Except for Josh." Then another serious face. “But I'm different from your other girls. At first I thought this would disqualify me from being someone you care about. But I think, no, I know what role I play in your life. If you want, I'll be like Megan and Millie. I like it when you decide things because it always turns out well for me and everyone who is important to me.” The pressure on your weak hands is getting tighter. “But if you decide to let me help you, I would be very grateful. Because you're the only one you don't always think about when you decide things for us. That makes you the perfect friend, but you also have to understand that we don't want it when you are suffering. "

“It's not that easy,” you admit to yourself and the world. "I wanted it that way."

“And that you protect me too is the best thing that has happened to me in my life, Finn. All I ask of you is if the burden gets too big for you, you don't retread but instead but talk to me. I've been through a lot of shit in my life and thanks to you, it's over now. I ask you to give me a chance to thank you. Not just by spreading my legs for you.” It actually hurts a bit to hear that. But still, Maureen is right. Naturally. And she's doing a fantastic job. “Megan wants to help you too and I would never devalue her. It often helps to have someone of the same age by your side. But what if it affects her too?" Maureen looks at you with certain looks. She got you now and you discover what lies under your happy mood and almost was forgotten.

"Fuck."

"Ah." Maureen leans back victoriously but doesn't let go of your hands. Then she strikes for the final blow. “I'm your big sister Finn. That I was allowed to take on this role saved me. I have a purpose in life thanks to you. Look, what you did with Denise was clever, brave and most of all, damn solid. And you can see that she is fine with it. You treat her in two different ways. Out of all of us, Emma is the closest thing to being a real girlfriend. Half of the rest are your sisters and pets. I do not say anything against it. But I have a suggestion. Do you want to hear it?” You are already starting to answer which you don't even know how it will turn out. But Maureen is quick to interrupt you. "No wait. I wanted to say: Will you help me put it into practice and make me happy with it?"

"Shit you are good."

"I know," she giggles happily. You signal to her to get started and let your head sink a bit. “It would make me very happy if you part my life and the relationship with me in two as well. Let me be your girlfriend who you take care of and who enjoys what you do with her. This makes me a perfect match for your other girls, I think. But let me be your big sister too. Let me help you and make me happy with it. We're in this together and if I can do my part for the future of all of us, then that makes me happy. Finn, I see that something is bothering you. And when I see it, Megan sees it from miles away with closed eyes."

"You are so damned grown-up" you ponder and scratch the dam that keeps the danger out of your life, and thus out of the lives of your girls. "I'm so proud of you, big sister." Another blow to the crack that formed.

“And I also care about you little brother. I've never met anyone in my life who has done so much for other people.” The crack is getting bigger. Chunks of concrete fall from the dam. The water rises. "I know you want to give Megan and the others a good life, but don't you think you're already doing that?" Water sloshes over the edges of the dam. The pressure increases.

"Yes, I do. That's not it…” Releasing a little pressure may help prevent the catastrophe.

"Do you doubt yourself?" Her face is worried, causing the pressure to rise immeasurably. She wants to help me. She can help me. To exclude her is not correct. You make her happy when she can help. Maybe release a little pressure...

"Yes," you sigh dejectedly. "How could I not be with so much at stake." You still haven't told Maureen what's on your mind but now you know it. The face of Millie floats before your inner eye, Denise and Emma next to it. Can I let them go when they don't need me anymore? you ask the biggest and most dangerous question of your whole existence. Nothing can save the dam from breaking now.

“Finn?” asks Maureen very quietly. She knows it now too. She doesn't stop, cant stop. She goes through with it for you. You look at her and are surprised to see her wrestling with her emotions too. But she is stronger than you and pulls herself together. With a smile she says: “You are the man in our relationship. I am your girl. I will be with you for the rest of your life. After all that you have taken on, it is not my place to decide about you. Especially not how my life went. But precisely because my life has gone like this, I can do my part."

"Nobody denies that either," you mean and the dam groans and creaks. A dull rumble echoes through your world. "I didn't say it clearly enough, but you're my big sister Maureen." You smile so falsely that everyone can see it. Charges placed.

"May I ask you one single question then?" She is really nervous and when you nod like a robot, she takes a deep breath. "Do you think you are a good brother and friend to your girls?"

Boom!

---

"I'm afraid of the future," you blurt out. "I'm afraid to come home and see how I mess up everyone's life." Maureen doesn't need to speak as your pent-up worries break through and your dam is smashed into dust. “Emma is so in love with me that she doesn't even think about asking herself if I'm the right boyfriend for her. She regards everything I do as written law and every word I say is like a word of God to her. But I am not a god! I almost **** her on our first time with Megan! She liked it all! The authority of how I deal with her and what orders I give her. But she tumbled into a relationship with me so quickly that she can't imagine what it would be like if we were just the two of us. She gets along so well with Millie that I'm afraid she'll break if Millie is gone.” Maureen opens her mouth but closes him again immediately. “I know what you want to say. But do you really think Millie will be happy with me all her life? She's doing a lot better and I'm not stupid. At some point she will stand on her own two feet and then she will no longer have to rely on me. We are together because I take care of her. But just look at you now! She is so strong and self-sufficient. She doesn't know, but actually it's me who does everything for her and not the other way around. At some point she will notice that I am just pulling her down.” You groan and realize with astonishment that you have managed to keep your voice so low that none of the other guests heard your world implode. A rare success that now only means that you can continue to tear yourself apart. “Just like Denise. She doesn't know how brave she is. Never in my life will she be my damn pet forever! At some point she has her life under control again and then I'm just a memory of a bad time. Megan is the only one I fear will really love me forever and I hate to say that! But when she sees how the world we have built for ourselves this week is slowly falling apart, she too has to ask herself whether a relationship with me is worth it. All the secrets and sacrifices she has to make to be with me! She is young and pretty and would only have to snap her finger to get another boyfriend."

“And what about me?” Maureen asks the question in a flat tone, taking care not to show any negative feelings. But you hardly notice that.

“Maureen, you are way too grown up and strong for me. In the time in which I am listing my problems you have already lived half your life. What have I done for you? Yes, I was there for you when no one else was. But I'm leaving you with a debt that you can never pay off. Or do you want to share your life and me with four other girls? You all deserve better.” And that is exactly the point that makes you weak. “I am not afraid that you will leave me. You will only do that if it is good for you and I support that. I don't doubt myself either. I have chosen this path and will go on it. Have no fear. It doesn't make me sad.” You have to swallow. “I'm just so scared of the day you all understand that a life with me can't work like that. On this day you understand that you cannot live in a harem. Not in the long run and certainly not with me.” You laugh bitterly and with a hoarse voice. “For a long time I have doubted whether it is even good for you to reveal myself to you. When I saw that I can actually help all of you, I gave everything for it. I am eternally grateful to you for that. I will never doubt whether I am doing you good, you understand?” It is a rhetorical question and you continue straight away. "It is not about that. I know I can help.” Then comes the point. "But how long? When is the point where I have to step aside? I'm scared of missing out on this point. I am afraid of holding you back or worse, hurting you in an attempt to bind you to me. I vowed never to do anything like that. But you can see where that has led. You're all so damn intelligent and you can tell for yourself.” Maureen doesn’t twist a muscle and leans her chin on her hands.

“How long have you been thinking like that?” You think hard.

"I don't know. A few days maybe? Or has it been forever? Maybe only a week?” Maureen nods and gives you even more time. You are tearing yourself apart, now completely trapped by this new enemy. "It is myself who is the danger Maureen" you recognize. Perhaps you have known it forever. "If I can't help you anymore, I'll put you all in danger." Your hand closes into a fist. “And I won't let that happen,” you say sternly. Again your sister does nothing.

“Think of your girls and tell me what's on your mind,” she finally answers quietly and concentrated. Of course she is right and again the faces of Millie, Denise and Emma appear in your mind's eye.

"It's Emma man," you say desperately and shake your head in resignation. “I neglect her. We should be together and love each other all day. She waited for me almost as long as Megan. But she is not my sister. When we get home how often will we see each other? Three times a week and at school? That won't be enough! She is crazy about me."

"She still has Carrie to take care of her," says Maureen, but makes no move to help you. It's your turn first and she respects you, not pushing you.

“Even with her help, Emma will at some point wonder if I am neglecting her compared to my sisters. And she's right! Then her love will turn into indifference... then into despair... then into hate. My God!” You bury your face in your hands. “I will never let anyone hurt her as I will do. Before that, I'd rather find her a new boyfriend.” You lift your head. “Or a girlfriend. Carrie could... oh don't care. I am her boyfriend and I shouldn't have such thoughts. Who thinks this a week after dating someone as great as Emma Jackson? And Denise, my god Denise. What am I doing with her? It's all like fucking porn or something! When she's back with her family and I've cleared things up with her brother - although I don't even know how to do it! - I'll just be a bad memory. I'll let her go as soon as she wants to. I am not the future for her. She is way too strong that she will still need me at home.” Then it hits you particularly hard and the pain in your face is enough for Maureen to let her facade sink briefly and take your hand. You look at her with complete, absolute and burning despair.

"Millie" she notes.

“I fucking love her so much. Maureen, I love my little sister as crazy as I love you and everyone else."

“Take it easy, Finn. Not now, okay? You're in love with her, I know." Thankfully, you nod at her.

“Nothing scares me more than seeing her drift away from me. But that is exactly my role as a big brother. I treasure and love her. But I hate it too. The fear man... The time I was able to take care of Millie was the best time of my life. That made me who I am today. But I have to let her go! She won't always be so small and adorable. She is a woman. Fuck, I made her a woman! It is my role to support her and bring her further in life.” You swallow hard. “And when we get home, she will eventually walk away from me and build her own life. I know if I asked you now what answer I would get. And I believe you too. I know about your feelings and don't doubt them. These are very sober and terrible realizations. It's my way in life and I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to do justice to all of you.” You feel… happy. It's just like you told Maureen. You wouldn't lie to her. This path will determine your life... till you are home again. It started here and it will end at home. It must so. You don't know how long it will take to create a life for all the girls who mean something to you that they can enjoy, but you can already see the first small steps some of them take there.

"God how I miss Melina" you keep laughing and shaking your head.

---

"May I bring the couple another dessert?" asks the waiter and clears the table between you and your sister with a stoic expression. Your casserole was tasty, but you only ate half of it. You nod to the waiter and he brings you two sundaes of ice cream. Vanilla for you, strawberry for Maureen. The sundae reminds you of the other waitress who pushed you into a bigger world. No gratitude would ever be big enough to thank her. Because you are grateful that you are trying your best for all these wonderful people. The whole time Maureen said nothing. Lost in thought, she spoons her ice cream and lets you sweat. You deserve it thou.

“You all get something from me and giving you that is my purpose in life. I am grateful to you and your love is the best I could ever wish for. But it cannot be averted that this time will end at some point.” You look around. “None of this lasts. Nothing here is real. The five of us live together, help one another and love one another. The sex is fantastic and your affection is the only thing I need in life. But it's not forever. And the only thing that spoils the day is the thought that at some point it will be over and you will walk out of my life happy, content and with a friend of your own for you.” These may be the worst words you have ever spoken but they are true. And they had to be spoken to. Finally, Maureen drops her spoon and looks at you with clear eyes.

"I can't really help you with Melina and Giselle," she says soberly.

"What?" Didn't she hear all of the rest?

"But as far as the other is concerned, something can certainly be done."

“Which other? Didn't you listen to me?” Nothing like this has ever happened to you. Maureen seems to be simply ignoring you. Then she speaks and sweeps all of your authority and willpower off the stage with amazing ease.

"First of all, I hope you realize that after this speech I will love you forever," she says and suddenly sounds very strict.

"Maureen..."

"Quiet." Your mouth closes. "Second, I can't speak for the others, but I'll tell you how I see the situation." She sounds like a general on the battlefield. You, however, feel like a young private under artillery fire. Shell shock.

"O-Okay..." Maureen nods with satisfaction.

“You. Are not. Normal. Finn. Whenever Megan and I had an argument, you first took care of Millie and then calmed us down. How often have you commuted between us and talked to us until we made up? And when I was already back at my father's, you spoke to me on the phone. The most annoying part was that I couldn't be mad at you. You always made me feel like I belonged to you even if I didn't see it myself. Did Megan tell you how many times she texted me apologizing? You kept this family together. Everyone noticed that. I don't know what will happen to Millie and Denise in the future. But I know they want you with them. Megan and Emma too. I know how you think the future will go and let me tell you: things will change. They always do. But just because you're going to advance Millie and Denise in life doesn't mean they'll move on alone. Just because Megan will realize that she is standing in the middle of a circle of people that she has created, she won't run away from you and leave you alone. And just because Emma likes to be bossed around by you, she won't think you are taking advantage of her."

"You don't know," you mumble. Maureen is right, but it still looks like at least some of the horror scenarios you have in mind will be true.

"Right. I do not have the gift of foresight. But you have something that nobody else has.” You look at your big sister questioningly. “You are the link between us all. Only when you fail does the world collapse in which we all feel so comfortable."

"Just don't stress me," you laugh and even feel a little better. Maureen knows how to make you laugh.

“That's nothing negative either,” she says and puts a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. “That shouldn't worry you, it should drive you. You are the only one able to hold us together.” She taps her fingers on the table. “Don't let this become a self-fulfilling prophecy, okay? Only when you're gone does Millie begin to doubt her way. Only if you don't take care of her will Denise make bad decisions. Only if you hold back will Emma mistakenly think she could have a better life. And only if you let her go Megan will leave you alone."

"Yes, but all this must not be just for me Maureen!" you say tortured and with a heart colder than the ice in front of you. “All of this must not only serve me and my desire to live with you girls. I should have made up my mind and had to give the girls the chance to make up their minds.” Your gaze becomes icy. “And I'm not going to **** this decision on them. I know my goal and... "

"That's great, no question about it, but Finn, you can't deny that we all love you."

"But…"

“No, no 'buts'. That is the word that you must not have in your life.” Maureen does not give up. You admire her for it, but stopping the flood of the dam is difficult. "You think because we're all together, sleeping and fucking together and all of us love each other, we will all be harmed at some point." She doesn't sound accusatory but understanding. "I get that. But isn't that exactly the way that our happiness is in danger? Name a historical figure who improved things by doing nothing."

"That's unfair."

“No, it's not little brother. As I said, you are the man in this relationship. I just want to tell you that all of your girls think their life is better and we will always be better when you are with us. Can that change? Yes. Will it? Well, the probability increases if you don't believe in it yourself."

"Fuck." You bury your face in your hands again. For a long time neither of you says anything and Maureen caresses your hand. At some point she asks you what you have to say. "I'm still thinking" you admit.

"A good sign" laughs your girlfriend, purses her lips and finds another point. “I also had to ask myself whether it is worth dating you. After our first time, I went up to the bathroom during the day and wondered what I said to you. You told me about Megan, Millie and Emma and I asked myself if and how I fit in there. I had to weigh whether a relationship with you and your girls makes me happy."

“And does it have that?” you ask from between your fingers.

"Do you mean that seriously? Of course it has!" Maureen laughs brightly. "I often make bad decisions, but accepting my love for you was certainly not one."

"But all the other girls..."

"What is better? To be alone, to be liked by a guy who is unfaithful and a pig, or to get some of the infinite love your little brother gives you?” A rhetorical question but you lower your hands and look at her. "Finn, you just don't get it, do you?" Maureen shakes her head in a daze. “Ask any of your friends. We don't think about whether we can have more. You give us, each of us, more than we need. Much more. You give yourself up completely so that we can be happy and maybe this is only temporary, okay, but what if not? All of your girls, including me, want to live a life where you are always there. From where I know this? Because love is easy. You don't use and exploit us, you honor us and with everything you do, you sacrifice yourself. You are kind and nice and sweet.” She giggles. "And you fuck pretty well." Now you even have to laugh a little.

"Stop it."

"No." Somehow it even feels good to hear that word out of her mouth. “You don't stop either. We're all too busy wondering how we deserve you to think about being mad at you for something that doesn't exist. And that you think about it only honors us even more."

"Are you sure?"

"No. God, I have to sound really negative. Excuse me. But it's you who know things like that. That's why I love you. And even if there will always be other people in our life, sometimes you will not have time, we will fight and other bad things will happen, I have decided that a life with you, in this form, is the best thing that can happen to me.” She leans back, crosses her arms over her chest and looks at you. “I like being your big sister. But tonight I'm your girlfriend too. You are a great friend and brother Finn and the last thing I have to say on this whole subject is this: Nobody I know could better cope with the challenges that await you and we are all on your side. You are the key Finn. What we all want will only work with you. I can't see into the future and neither can you. But tell me: Do you think one of us doesn't want you anymore in their life? Let alone that even one of us won't love you anymore? "

"I..." You have to swallow. It's exactly the question you keep asking yourself. "I can't answer that, Maureen." One of her hands lands on your upper arm again.

"I understand that."

“I cannot assume that I deserve you. With an ordinary friendship, yes. But I am responsible for all of you, the rules are invalidated. I can't assume that I deserve you.” This argument keeps floating around in your head.

“You don't have to answer me today or at some point,” Maureen mumbles but then smiles like she has defeated a strong enemy. "Another question for you my little smart brother: If the rules don't apply to you, have we to obey them?" You jerk your head up. "Think about it" demands your sister, amused. “You are right when you say that you have a special position in our life. But that also means that your girls don't have to expect a normal life from you. If you break the rules to be with us, we can break the rules to make it easier for you.” The raging, all-devouring flow of emotions slowly turns into a quiet, babbling brook. Maureen has started all of that with a simple question. 'Do you think you are a good brother and boyfriend for your girls?' This has torn open a hell of emotions and bad feelings. All of that because you want to protect your loved one even from you. No sex in the world could make you feel as empty and light as you feel now. Maureen has opened a deep and leading wound, only to close it and make it start to heal slowly. You can feel it inside of you. It started with a question out of fear for you. Now it ends with a smart and strategic question like you used to ask. You love Maureen for that.

"What..." Still, you can't believe it.

“You have several girlfriends, you take care of them all, you leave yourself out and only think about the welfare of the others. We don't have to want a normal relationship then. You know what? Forget what I said earlier. Answer me this question: Don't you think Millie would break the rules of a normal relationship if that meant being with you?” How should you answer that? But as always, Maureen isn't done. “We don't want a normal relationship Finn. We want you in our lives. You aren't normal."

"I... Maureen... I..." You swallow. "I... have to think about that." She knows she has won. You know she has won. Fucking everybody knows that dude!

“Do that. And in the meantime, we'll pay for our food. I'll do it.” She rummages in her handbag and fishes two crumpled bills out of it. “Is that okay with you?” But right now you're too confused to worry about gender roles.

---

Maureen pays the waiter, tips generously, gets up, and then her fingers close on your hands. She leans down to you, her hair tickling your face, and her lips press firmly against yours. Contact with her makes you think a little more clearly again. Just enough to be able to understand her words.

"I know that's a lot to ask, but can I ask you something else?" She smiles a bit shyly after her talk.

You just mumble "Everything" and feel... happy. But this time in a different... better way. Because of her.

"Let me be your girlfriend for the rest of the evening, okay?" she asks you a bit exhausted. For her to it must be difficult to deal with this situation. She mastered it well. "Talked enough about the future. I fell in love with you because I know that the future doesn't matter much with you. I firmly believe that I, you and everyone you care about will be happy in the future. And I know very well that I am happy right now. So can I give you my birthday present?” You simply nod. Maureen steps up to you, wraps her arms around you and puts her forehead against yours. Your girlfriend is warm and calm. She smells fantastic and exudes a feeling of security. She transforms the feeling of impending danger into the knowledge that nothing bad can happen now. And she's right. Your goal is to keep this feeling for your girls. Not only must you not doubt yourself, you also must not think that you have no value for the girls. “Then let me be your girl now. Take care of me and make me happy.” Maureen kisses you on the forehead. “I love you Finn. Happy Birthday."

"This is a nice gift" you whisper. Again you are the point on which all eyes in the room rest.

"But I still have a present for you?"

"Sex in the toilet?" You grin. "Ouch!"

“Do you think I'd sleep with you on our first date?” Maureen grins and pulls you out of the restaurant while the laughter of both of you fills the evening-air. Actually, your stomach is still growling because you notice that you have hardly eaten anything. It's a good sign that your appetite is returning, but ignoring your hunger and following Maureen into the parking lot and into the car makes you forget about that. It feels good to put your needs behind those of your girlfriend again.

"Sex in the car? Ouch! " More carefree laughter. Together you drive a few hundred meters into the city's entertainment district. You park in a free spot by the lake where Maureen has lead you to. On the other side a lonely light shines over the lake, your house. The sun has already set and dull music echoes over the water as the city prepares for the night and the parties that vacationers celebrate here. Your big sister is pulling you across the parking lot onto a piece of lawn. She has to take off her high-heels and presses them into your hand with a light giggle. Enchanted you run after her up a gentle slope. Her bare feet fly over the dark grass and her dress swirls in the light breeze that comes from the lake. It gets quieter by the minute even if the party mile begins next to you and the disco is a few hundred meters away. You notice that you had your conversation with Susan on the other side of the open field where you are now sitting. Maureen means you can take off your jacket with a wave of the hand. You put it on the lawn and place your girlfriend's bottom on it.

"Gentleman" she grins when you let yourself fall next to her on the grass.

"I look like a dung-covered farmer next to you anyway" you laugh. "Why are we here?" Instead of answering you, Maureen leans on your shoulder and holds on to you. She pulls her legs to her body and together you stare out at the lake, but you can also see the outskirts of the city.

"I said I had always wanted a really romantic date."

"Yes, sorry for that," you mumble and scratch the back of your head. "That probably backfired."

"Mm Mm" comes from Maureen. "No. That was the most romantic experience of my life."

"Really?" You are surprised and a little embarrassed. "That can not be." You chuckle and ask yourself what makes you so nervous beside Maureen.

“Nobody has ever cared about me so much. And you even have four other girls in your life to take care of. And that I was allowed to take care of you is a real honor for me.” There is no reason for you to doubt her words. "That's what I talked about in the restaurant."

"I'm happy that I was able to help you make your wish come true." You exhale with relief when you realize that the girl by your side feels good. That's the only thing that counts for you... but you feel lighter too.

"More than that." Her voice is almost a whisper now while you notice some other people standing around or sitting in the grass as well. "You gave me so much more." She sighs, presses a kiss on your cheek, and leans back against you. "Is there just one thing missing for the perfect end to the day?"

“Sex on the lawn? Ouch!” You both have to laugh as you rub your arm. Maureen only has time to shake her head, then off it goes.

---

"Did you know about it?" you ask as the fireworks start. The explosions light up the evening and are reflected on the lake. Maureen has chosen a place where there are also many other couples, but the noise of the fireworks is not too loud.

“Emma and Megan did some research. I've made sure three times that it's okay that we're alone now. Everyone was okay with it,” she assures you. Together you look at the play of colors that the lake shines back a thousandfold. The people around you are all watching the spectacle, yelling out admiration and pointing at the bright explosions. You, on the other hand, lay your head on Maureen and hold her tightly. Her body and her calm manner give you peace and tranquillity and your head slowly cools down again when you realize that you are fulfilling a dream for your girlfriend. For a long time you just focus on her and her presence next to you. The grass below you is fresh, your body is warm and the air smells of summer while the last red of the sun disappears on the horizon and the colors of the fireworks shine over the water. Your arm is around your girl, your hand is on her stomach. Through the thin fabric of the dress you can feel her breath and her fingers hold yours while your world consists only of the ground around you.

"I love you so much" you whisper as the fireworks slowly draw to a close. It could have taken an hour or a decade. You only care that Maureen is with you. “Thanks for this evening.” You don't care if you sound 'male' or not. You know Maureen loves you.

"I have to thank you" you hear her giggle next to you. You stroke her hair. "I've always wanted that." She doesn't look at you. You are all alone among the dozen people who are also at the lake. "Thanks for being my boyfriend. And thank you for being my brother.” She sighs in relief and slides down a little until her back comes to rest on your lap. Her head is leaning against your chest and if you wanted, you could see deeply into her dress and between her breasts. But it's not about a part of her perfect body. It's about the whole person who cuddles up to you. The being that trusts you and make you feel better after one of the biggest battles of your lifetime. It is about your girlfriend Maureen. “Thank you for opening up to me. That made it a perfect day."

"I understand" you whisper and say nothing more. Actually, nothing has been resolved, but you still feel better only because she is here. And that is what counts at the end of the day. At the end of this day. Your last and perfect day at the lake.

“I'll stay with you, Finn. It's not the lake or the vacation, my parents or yours.” There is certainty in her voice. "It is because of you. And you will not change.” When the last rockets, especially large and gorgeous golden explode in the sky, the bystanders shout and clapp, Maureen turnes her head from the lake. "I love you" she says just for once on this day. Above the black water the firework increases one last time and the sky is brightly lit with beautiful colors as your lips gently meet and press on each other for endless seconds. The light of Maureen shines brighter in your heart than all fireworks in the world. "I will always stay with you Finn."