16th of June

Maybe I should have had a tumblr of brandy, maybe I should have drunken myself into a stupor, maybe I should never allow myself to sleep again, but would any of that have hindered the dreams from coming? From being clearer every time?!

I had to compose myself before continuing this entry. God above, my writing looks so shaky, my words so rambling... but can you blame me? I remember so much more now of the dream, or maybe it is getting clearer, growing more distinct with every passing night, growing more rea

No. They are just dreams. They may be disturbing, they may have an undeniable effect on me, but they are just dreams!

But back to what I remember of my dream: There is not much, just warmth and softness pressed against my front, soft lips against my burning ear, a barely understood whisper...

"...I...love...you..."

But I know now it is not just the undoubtedly feminine tone of the words that leads to my... nightly emissions. I felt, and my face burns (in tandem, I have to admit to my shame, with my loins) just writing this, gentle fingers wrapped around my manhood, every touch sending exquisite sensations through me, making me gasp and groan until I finally

I cannot believe I wrote these shameless words. It is what happened, but even in a private, locked up diary, it is not proper to write something like that.

At least work proved to be a distraction, if just for the vexing nature of the specimen I work on currently. The grey and brittle matter remains inert in most experiments, and what's worse, it seems to be inexplicably diminishing. Only spectral imaging gives any result, although they are almost as disturbing as my dreams, if less enjoya showing spectra of a color never seen by any of us. Or, I suspect, by any human on earth.

But all this does seem less important now that I have finished dinner and sit on the porch once again, trying to ignore my traitorous manhood that seems to grow a little more excited the closer night comes. Maybe I will retire to the library and do my best to avoid sleep altogether.