Naked Ninja Warrior

You flip on the TV to catch the latest episode of your favorite show.

"Welcome to another exciting episode of Naked Ninja Warrior! I'm Charles Linton and as always, I'm joined by my partner in crime, Randy Valentine."

"Glad to be here, Chuck." The two hosts of the show stand in front of a flashy red and blue background. Chuck is a polished, professional looking man in his early 40s. His short black hair is well groomed and he's wearing a crisp shirt and tie. Meanwhile, Randy is almost a polar opposite with his unkempt blonde mop, Hawaiian shirt and pink-tinted glasses. You haven't decided which one you like better as they both have their moments.

"We have another great show in store for you all again tonight," Chuck continues. "In case you're new-"

"Where the hell have you been?!" Randy interrupts and he and Chuck have a nice fake laugh.

"Now let's remind the viewers of the rules." A graphic pops up on the screen. "Each night, our contestants will have the opportunity to conquer the Gauntlet. What dangers will they face? Well that's up to you, viewers. Download the official NNW App and as our contestants complete an obstacle, you get to vote on the next one. Majority rules, but you have to act fast, so make sure you are quick with those fingers."

"That's what she said!"

"Indeed, Randy. Now, each of our contestants is dressed in an official NNW bikini." An image of a model in a relatively modest white bikini is shown on the screen. There are ties at the sides of the bottom and at the back of the top, making removal a very realistic possibility. "Everyone is also equipped with a wristband supplied by our sponsors at Nanosoft - The worldwide leaders in computing and monitoring technology. This helps us track and keep our contestants safe. It also serves as an orgasm monitor."

"If you cum, you're done!"

"Right you are, Randy. Once a contestant achieves orgasm, she is eliminated from the competition. How do you win? Anyone who reaches the finish line, overcoming 5 obstacles without cumming, earns a $50k prize. In addition, she can earn an extra $25k each if she can keep her bikini top or bottom on throughout the ordeal for a top prize of $100k. Once an item is removed, it cannot be replaced. In addition, if a contestant splashes down and fails an obstacle, she can get another try...in exchange for an item of clothing!"

"A fantastic deal!" Randy chimes in again.

"In order to be invited back for the Tournament of Champions, you have to make it all the way through the maze with your attire intact. Last week, we had our first qualifier for the ToC, professional truck driver Maude O'Houlihan, who plowed her way through everything that was thrown at her." A video box appears on the screen showing a hulking woman with long, curly brown hair, jumping and jiggling in slow motion as she navigates various obstacles. You see Randy shudder.

"I did not want to see what she was hiding under that bikini."

"Well, be careful what you wish for, Randy. The ToC presents a new level of difficulty and I highly doubt anyone is making it through that Gauntlet fully clothed. But that is still months away and we need more qualifiers. Let's go down to the deck and bring in the third member of our team, Iris Candie, who is standing by with our next contestant. Iris, who do we have with us tonight?"

"Thanks, Chuck." The camera switches to a lanky 20-something blonde with a wide smile. You remember Iris from her supporting role in Sharknado 17 and of course her unforgettable scene in Vampire Cheerleader Strippers from Space. Her tight black dress pushes her substantial cleavage upward, drawing your attention. She was a contestant in Season 1 and although she didn't win, her memorable performance made her a fan favorite and earned her a job as the sideline reporter on the show. "I'm standing here with tonight's challenger!" The camera pans out to show a woman standing next to Iris.