Letters of apology to my husband

In The Past...

When my parents told me about Raj, I didn't know what to think. Marriage seemed like such a big step, and I wasn't sure if I was ready. But then we had our engagement ceremony, and seeing Raj looking so happy and confident made me feel better. He wore a dark blue suit that fit him perfectly, and his smile was so bright. It was hard not to feel happy when he smiled like that.

We had some really nice conversations after our engagement. Raj is calm, respectful and very kind. He told me about his job and his family, and we even talked about our favorite movies. Each time we talked, I felt a little more excited about the future. I started to see Raj as someone I could really trust and be happy with.

Before all this, there was Sohail. We dated for a year, and I thought it was something serious. But Sohail didn't seem to think so. For him, it was just fun. That hurt me a lot, and it took a long time to move on. But then, a year after we broke up, my parents told me about Raj's proposal.

Around the same time, I met Vicky at work. Vicky had a charm I couldn't resist, and I liked our regular greetings. We were not friends, but daily pleasantries were something I always looked forward to, and I started to feel something more for him. I wondered what it would be like to be more than collegue, friends maybe or even more. But just when I was thinking about it, my parents told me my marriage with Raj was fixed. That changed everything. I knew I had to focus on my marriage and getting to know Raj better. So, I decided to stop thinking about Vicky and put all my energy into my new future with Raj.

I realized that sometimes life takes unexpected turns, and we have to trust that things will work out the way they're meant to. Now, I'm looking forward to my wedding day and the life I will build with Raj.

After our engagement, I continued my routine of going to the office during the weekdays, enjoying my weekends off on Saturday and Sunday. Raj and I only talked on Sundays. He wished for us to talk more regularly, maybe even every day, but I advised against it.

"Raj, Parents and family members have always suggested that getting too close or oversharing can lead to problems before marriage and after engagement"

I explained to him and added...

"But I'll try and call you whenever I miss you."

One day, ten days after our engagement, I received a friend request on social media. The username was "vicky998." At first, I thought it was Vicky from the office, so I accepted it. However, during our conversation, I started to have doubts. Something about the way he spoke felt different. On Monday, I showed the profile to Vicky at work.

"Hey, Vicky," I said, showing him my phone. "Is this you?"

Vicky laughed and shook his head. "Nope, that's not me. There can be more than one Vicky, you know," he joked, showing me his actual profile.

I didn't mind much since the conversations had been normal. I had shared that I was engaged and where I worked. "Vicky998" had shared that he is a divorcee & was only interested in an online friendship, not a real one.

"Why not a real friendship?" I asked out of curiosity.

He explained, "If it's confirmed to be only online, people can open up to each other with a free mindset, enabling them to explore more with open hearts and maybe even tap into each other's fantasies and desires."

That's when I wanted to confirm if it was the same Vicky. Now, I knew they were different people. I was in a dilemma about whether to continue the conversation, so I chose to ignore it. But, Later that night, I received a message:

"Niddhi, you are beautiful. You deserve to be happy every single day. All the best for your married life. Feel free to talk to me. I can be your BFF."

I stared at the message for a long time, feeling a mix of emotions. There was something intriguing about this anonymous friend, yet I felt guilty about entertaining the idea of continuing our chats. What would Raj think if he knew? I decided to sleep on it, hoping the morning would bring clarity.

The next day at work, I couldn't stop thinking about "vicky998." His words echoed in my mind. By lunchtime, curiosity got the better of me. I opened the chat and started typing.

"Thank you for the kind words," I wrote. "I appreciate it. Maybe we can talk, but only as friends."

His reply came almost immediately. "Of course, Niddhi. Just as friends."

Over the next few days, our conversations grew more frequent. He was funny, understanding, and seemed genuinely interested in my life. I found myself looking forward to our chats, even though a part of me knew it might be dangerous territory. Raj and I still talked on Sundays, but my thoughts were often occupied by my online friend.

One Sunday, while talking to Raj, he asked, "You seem distracted, Niddhi. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything's fine," I assured him, feeling a pang of guilt. "Just a lot on my mind with work and the wedding."

He smiled, trusting my words. "I understand. Just remember, I'm here for you."

As the days passed, my conversations with "vicky998" grew more frequent and deeper. Here's how our conversations unfolded over the span of one week:

Monday...

"Niddhi, how was your day?" Vicky998 messaged.

"Busy as usual," I replied. "Work was hectic, but I managed. How about you?"

"My day was good. Just the usual office stuff. Any interesting projects at work?" he asked.

"Nothing too exciting," I typed back. "Just the regular paperwork and meetings. It gets boring sometimes."

"Life can be mundane," he responded. "But it's important to find little moments of joy in the routine."

Tuesday...

"Good morning, Niddhi! Did you sleep well?" Vicky998 asked.

"Good morning! Yes, I did. Thanks for asking. How about you?" I replied.

"I had a restful night," he said. "So, what's your favorite thing to do in your free time?"

"I love music" I shared.

"That sounds wonderful," he said. "Do you have a favorite song?"

"I have many," I replied. "But one of my favorites is '"Tadap Tadap Ke" From Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam' What about you?"

"I enjoy reading," he said. "But lately, I've been into self-help books. They give a new perspective on life."

Wednesday...

"Niddhi, do you ever feel like there's more to life than what you're currently experiencing?" Vicky998 asked.

"Sometimes," I admitted. "I feel like I'm stuck in a routine and missing out on something bigger."

"I understand that feeling," he said. "Sometimes, breaking the routine and doing something unexpected can bring excitement."

"Like what?" I asked, curious.

"Maybe trying a new hobby or going on an unplanned trip," he suggested. "Something to break the monotony."

"I'll think about it," I said. "But with the wedding coming up, it's hard to find the time."

"True," he agreed. "But don't forget to make time for yourself. It's important."

Thursday...

"Niddhi, if you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?" Vicky998 asked.

"Hmm, that's a tough one," I replied. "I've always wanted to visit Manali. The Snow, The Mountains"

"Manali is beautiful," he said. "I've been there once. You'll love it."

"What about you?" I asked. "Where would you go?"

"I'd love to visit Japan," he said. "The culture, the food, and the technology. It's fascinating."

"That sounds interesting," I said. "Maybe one day we'll get to visit our dream destinations."

Friday...

"Niddhi, do you ever feel like you're not living up to your true potential?" Vicky998 asked.

"Sometimes," I confessed. "I feel like I have so much more to offer, but I'm held back by responsibilities."

"I get that," he said. "But it's important to remember that you're doing your best. And that's enough."

"Thank you," I replied. "Your words mean a lot."

"Anytime," he said. "Just remember, you're not alone. We all have our struggles."

Saturday...

"Good morning, Niddhi! Any plans for the weekend?" Vicky998 asked.

"Not really," I replied. "Just the usual errands and spending time with family. You?"

"I'm planning to catch up on some reading and maybe watch a movie," he said. "Any recommendations?"

"You should watch 'Wanted'" I suggested.

"I'll check it out," he said. "Thanks for the recommendation."

Sunday...

"Hey Niddhi, how's your Sunday going?" Vicky998 asked.

"Good," I replied. "Had a nice chat with Raj. He's really sweet."

"I'm glad to hear that," he said. "He's a lucky guy."

"Thank you," I said. "How's your day?"

"It's been relaxing," he said. "Just enjoying the day off."

"That sounds nice," I said. "I wish weekends lasted longer."

"Don't we all?" he replied with a laugh. "But we have to make the most of what we have."

By the end of the week, I found myself more open with "vicky998." Our conversations, though still within the boundaries of friendship, had a depth and understanding that I hadn't expected. He was a confidant, someone I could talk to about anything without judgment. But I knew I had to be careful, as the line between friendship and something more was becoming increasingly blurred.