I Should’ve Read the TOS

“My name is E.D.N.A. I am your personal mentor, teacher, and confidant during your stay with us in outer space.”

“Outer space?” (insert name) repeated, the words failing to compute. He was still half-convinced this was some kind of fever dream. “Wait—Illuminance? As in the game company?”

“Correct!” E.D.N.A. chirped happily. “Illuminance Enterprises has been working on establishing peaceful connections with the inhabitants of Quadrant Four of the Ectolian Galaxy—also locally known as ‘Earth.’ We have chosen you as part of our program to bridge the gap between civilizations through gaming.”

“Oh…” (insert name) muttered, trying to process everything.

“Oh.”

A sudden realization hit him like a truck. His stomach twisted.

“…Did I just get ****?”

E.D.N.A.’s smiley face blinked into a questions one “****? Did you not read the terms of service?”

(insert name) swallowed. He definitely had not. “Uh, sure I did.”

“Wonderful!” E.D.N.A. clapped its tiny metal hands together. “Then on behalf of Illuminance Starship and Illuminance Enterprises, I’d like to officially welcome you to our home away from home!”

Two metallic arms extended from its sides, grabbing (insert names’s) hands in a firm handshake.

“We hope you enjoy your stay! And rest assured, we will do everything in our power to make it as enjoyable as possible.”

E.D.N.A. winked.

(insert name), still stunned, could only stare at the tiny robot, his brain struggling to reboot.

“…What the actual hell did I just sign up for?