Gacha Merchant of Love

AN: All Characters above the age of 18. Edited this quite a bit, lost notes, and redrafted mechanics.

Esme hopped into Matt’s lap; the old ornery orange tabby obnoxiously brushing her tail across his face.

“You old curmudgeon, but then I guess we both are aye?” said the old sailor. Wistfully he stared out his bookstore across the street at the new Amazon shop taking all his normal traffic. “Us antiques, we just can’t keep up with the times.”

Taking off his glasses, the spry old man set them aside, before shutting down his PC, muttering, “Crazy Chinese authors, everyone was Kung Fu fighting indeed, what a load of crap this new Xianxia stuff is. Can’t believe I spent the last 5 hours reading about Dong Long and his quest to kill millions because his neighbor stole his ex-girlfriend. Author’s these days, couldn’t come up with a good idea to save their lives.”

As the old man dozed off, a frowning bishounen looked up from behind the stacks and muttered, “That ex was hot you old geezer, let’s see how you like it.”

As he made a series of complicated gestures an offended tabby went, “Reooow!”

And jumped over swiping at his face.

“Get off me you wretched fur ball!”

A waving young master said as he stumbled hands landing with a bright white light on a book titled, “Gacha Merchant (XXX edition)”.

“Oops.”

________________________________________

Matt woke up, an image hovering in front of his face.

Introduction:

Welcome new user to the Gacha Merchant System! XXX cultivation edition! This System is pleased to accept your application!

Features include:

Sell items!

Craft Items!

Level up your shop!

Quests!

Roll the dice!

Microtransactions!

Please pay 1 million USD to continue!

Matt stared at the message with dead eyes,

Error!

The system has determined that you are a poor person. Unfortunately, a significant fee is required to continue. Fortunately, this system has a solution!

The Loan Incentive Solution!

This system will require a partition of your profits (commiserate with how poor thou art) to resolve your debt!

Failure to pay off this sum is not recommended!

But no one has ever failed (no one else has ever been that poor).

Matt brushed his hair up, and put on his glasses, double checking what he was reading. Looking around he noted the plain, but clean wooden shop. The floors covered in deep red rubs, multiple empty shelves and racks littered the side. With a few basic tables, covered in plain black tablecloths occupied the center. Nothing too fancy, but all looking of somewhat high quality.

Ignoring the message, that hung in space as bright blue light, Matt strode to the door, before yelping, and jumping back.

“Ouch!”

Alert:

The shop owner may not leave his store before his debt to this System is paid!

Attempts to do so will result in increasing punitive actions!

The shop owner must now pay 80% of spirit stone fragments profits by the end of the week (electricity is expensive these days).

Grimacing while thinking furiously Matt noted Esme stalk by with the cat resembling a proud round orange, her hair aping an afro in shape.

Correction, this system is adding in the previous (and future) various cat escape attempts.

The Shop Owner must pay 90% of spirit stone fragments profits (your cat is pretty dumb by the way).

Esme looked back over her shoulder, and her tail started swishing. The words moved, placing Matter between her and the dialogue.

Alert:

This system has detected that you have nothing to sell.

Say Status to check Gacha offers.

“Status,” drawled a contemplative Matt.

Store

Name (Default, chosen at random): Matt’s Masturbation Mart

Store Level: 0

Expansions: 0

Perks: 0

Items: 1 (Beginner Package)

Store Clerk Cultivation: Mortal

Gacha Spin Level: 1

Merchant Points: 5

Currency: 0

Matt slowly perused the menu, “Matt’s Masturbation Mart? Really?”

Everyone can sell “Thunderous Eye of the Storm” blades. Far more entertaining to sell armor that turns the user into an exhibitionist. Now open your package like a good little boy.

“So, you’re an adult system then?” asked Matt dryly, “Open package.”

10 Free rolls (Qi Gathering realm). 1 reroll. 500 spirit stone fragments (500 SS). Blacklist unlocked (5 spots). Cultivation to Qi Gathering Level 1 granted.

The air suddenly seemed sharper to Matt, bemused he noted the dust particles in the morning light drift slowly through the air as grains of wood came into sharper focus. He could smell Esme, and –

Eww. I free self-cleaning litterbox. Behind the counter. And retroactive cleanup.

Putting aside that interlude he looked at his arm, now sharply defined with muscle. Feeling his face with his hand, old lines that came from numerous smiles and frowns had fallen away.

“The Botox treatment aye? What’s this about rolls? And points?”

It’s the Gacha system. Roll for items. Don’t ask for the chances. That’s proprietary. But the higher you go the better it gets. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. The points . . . you need a few more before you can do anything with them. I’ll lock the system store for now. You can worry about those later.

“Better being more perverted I assume,” said Matt dryly. The cultivation art he now practiced, its name, something he refused to utter even in his own thoughts, in the back of his mind.

Eh, kinda. Now roll! Or else I get to pick . . ..

“Roll, items 1-10,” a seriously alarmed Matt said.

Rolling!

52! 99! 56! 85!

Yikes. Frustrating, Self-love, Technique, rare. Processing.

Talisman Creation Art: Glorius Edge (Upper Qi Gathering Level)

Price: 1 poor spirit stone (1000 fragements

Description: This Talisman will improve physical performance by 30% for 10-20min for all Qi Gathering cultivators.

Description (Hidden): User will be required to wrap around sexual organ. Once attached cannot remove without destroying. Can activate with Qi burst. While in use, user will be held at edge of ecstasy. When disabled user will orgasm, length and breadth of orgasm determined by length of application/use. Mildly addictive.

Rolling!

72! 66! 1! 18!

“Reroll,” interrupted Matt. “I don’t know what those are, but nat 1s are a no.”

Re-rolling item 2.

22! 64! 68! 58!

Amplify Sex Effect. Inversion of Attraction. Pill. Common.

Pill: Qi Infusion (mid realm) x 5

Description: Accelerates cultivation growth for 1 day.

Price: 30 SS per pill

Hidden Description: While cultivating under this influence user will gain 200% attraction to previous unattractive quality and lose 200% attraction to previous attracted quality. Note quality must be opposite, attraction cannot be 0 for either case (fat/skinny, man/woman, rich/poor, etc.).

Rolling item 3!

64! 2! 86! 41!

Frustration. Exhibitionism. Artifact. Poor.

Artifact: Beginner’s Dowsing Ring! Male only!

Price: 100 sprit fragments

Description: Will heat comfortably within 1000 feet of Qi quality treasures.

Hidden Description: Won’t fit around finger. Buyers will understand where to place. Cannot be removed for 1 week after application. Length increases by 1 day each time removed. This can be bypassed by designating another “authorized user”.

“Not for me, that one,” muttered Matt, reading the shopkeeper only description.

Rolling item 4!

42! 74! 63! 52!

Brand loyalty. Inversion of attraction. Pill. Common.

Pill: Qi Infusion (mid realm) x5

Description: Accelerates cultivation growth for 1 day.

Price: 30 SS per pill

Hidden Description: While cultivating under this influence user will gain 100% attraction to previous unattractive quality and lose 100% attraction to previous attracted quality. Note quality must be opposite, attraction cannot be 0 for either case (fat/skinny, man/woman, rich/poor, etc.). User interest in shop will increase slightly, more likely to return.

Rolling item 5!

15! 78! 65! 33!

Amplify Sex effect. Inversion of attraction. Technique/art. Poor.

Art of the Heavenly Hawk: Vision

Description: While active user can pierce weak shrouds (Qi gather low/mid realm), and vision is improved in all ways by 500%.

Price: 200 SS

Hidden Description: While utilizing this technique, the user will gain 200% attraction to previous unattractive quality and lose 200% attraction to previous attractive quality. Note quality must be opposite, attraction cannot be 0 for either case (fat/skinny, man/woman, rich/poor, etc.).

Rolling item 6!

62! 66! 73! 22!

Frustration. Inversion of Attraction. Pill. Garbage.

“Garbage? Said Matt.

Maybe should have waited on that reroll.

Pill: Qi Activation (mortal) x5

Description: Accelerates potential development of entry cultivation method by 100% for 6 hours

Price: 3 SS per pill

Hidden Description: While cultivating under this influence user will gain 100% attraction to previous unattractive quality and lose 100% attraction to previous attracted quality. Note quality must be opposite, attraction cannot be 0 for either case (fat/skinny, man/woman, rich/poor, etc.).

Rolling item 7!

91! 48! 67! 48!

Oblivious. Perfection. Pill. Poor.

Wow, you’re obsessed with pills. **** dealer much?

Pill: Physical refinement (low realm) x5

Description: Permanently increases physical attributes by 5% of current value. Max 5 pills in lifetime. Can only be used at Qi Gathering 1-3 levels.

Price: 25 SS per pill

Hidden Description: User will gain permanent 10% correction value to ideal appearance each pill. User will be unable to notice that correction, ever.

Rolling item 8!

6! 45! 22! 44!

Amplify Sex Effect. Perfection. Weapon. Poor

Blade of Division (low realm)

Description: Refined steel with a mild wind Qi effect edge.

Price: 100 SS

Hidden Description: User will gain permanent 75% correction value to ideal appearance.

Rolling item 9!

77! 10! 2! 59!

Oblivious. Exhibitionism. Clothes. Common.

“That description actually worries me a bit.”

The Emperors New Robes (mid realm)

Description: Reduces all Qi gathering realm strikes by 50% (80% for < Qi Gathering level 6). 5% reduction on Foundation Realm (low),

Price: 200 SS

Hidden Description: Robes are completely and totally transparent. The owner will be unable to recognize this. Ever. Owner will also gain interest in showing more skin.

Rolling final item!

16! 54! 42! 67!

Amplify Sex Effect. Perfection. Technique/art. Common

Art of the Enduring Turtle (mid realm)

Description: While active users gain 20% reduction from all attacks of the Qi Gathering Realm. Minor impact on higher realm strikes.

Price: 300 SS

Hidden Description: User will gain permanent 75% correction value to ideal appearance upon mastering this technique (scaling along the way to mastery).

The doorbell rang and time froze. Literally.