Friendly Neighborhood Spider Whore~!

So… what happens whenever your average teenage nerd, who barely gets a second glance by even the geek squad, gets bitten by a super-advanced, genetically altered spider, created for the sole purpose of being in its absolute peak condition?

I mean, let’s be real, we’ve all read the comics at this point for my multiversal counterparts so let’s do this one more time, shall we?

My name is Petra Parker and I am the one and only Spider-Whore! The name may be slightly different but the story is basically the same. Bitten by a radioactive spider on a high school trip to Oscorp, woke up the next day with super powers and since then? Well, I’ve been living my best life!

Sure, school still sucked for a while, but my other life was too cool to focus on the bad! Being a super-powered hero in a city full of low time crime robbers made it easy to make a quick name for myself! A couple busts of jewelry store robbers webbed up and caught gave myself quite the signature here. Soon enough? My face was absolutely everywhere! Well, not exactly my face, more my mask. But I designed the mask! So it still counts!

My other life as Petra Parker could be… better, to say the least. I was still a nerd, but high school was better with my two best friends Harriette Osborn and Gwen Stacy! Things got even better when me and Gwen started dating!

…Though, after that one night stand I had with Mary Jane Watson? Gwen hasn’t really talked to me since. At least not officially. I get the occasional subtweet and bitchy facebook post from her. And MJ? Well… she’s Miss Popular! I was lucky to get that one night anyway… really lucky.

Nowadays it’s just me and Harriette, and now we are dorm mates at NYU! We had juggled the idea around of joining a sorority but who has time for that? Plus I can’t afford it, not with Aunt May’s salary, which is barely nonexistent. I need to do more than delivering pizzas… maybe I need a new job?

Whatever, I needed to focus! Sorry for the ramble of a monologue, I’m on patrol right now! And, as easy as I make it look, one wrong move leaves my fat ass going splat against the side of the Empire State Building, and the last thing I need is JJ getting a picture of that!

Anyway! It’s so nice to meet you! I’m so glad you wanna come along in my adventures! It’s gonna be so f-

”All units please respond! We have a disturbance on the corner of 8th and 59th street!”

Oh sorry! That’s my cue! Try to keep up will ya?

THWIP~!