Encounter with the Ex

Cash and Jess were strolling down the street. They chatted and laughed, heading to their favorite local bar. Suddenly, Cash froze mid-sentence, his eyes widening in recognition as he spotted a familiar figure barreling down the street.

"Oh no," he muttered under his breath.

Jess followed his gaze to see a cute brunette stumbling slightly as she approached, a wide grin spreading across her flushed face.

"Cash! Whoa! Is that you?" the woman slurred, throwing her arms around him in an bear hug.

"H-hey Amy," Cash stammered, awkwardly patting her back. "How are you?"

Amy pulled back, her eyes glassy from ****. "I'm great! Just great. And look at you - still as handsome as ever!" She turned to Jess with a conspiratorial wink. "You're a lucky girl."

"Oh, we're not-" Jess began, but Amy barreled on.

"Cash is such a sweetheart, isn't he? Gosh, I miss that sometimes." She sighed dramatically. "I feel bad about how things ended, you know? I always meant to call and talk or meet up. But I don’t know, I didn’t think you wanted to see me.” Cash nodded politely. At least she knew that much, their breakup had been devastating to him, seeing her now stirred up emotions he’d been bottling up for months. Amy continued. “Can I be real with you? Just like, let me tell you, it’s been weighing on me and I bet it’s been weighing on you too!"

Cash's face drained of color. "Amy, that's really not necessary-"

"No, no, I need to!" Amy said loudly, the **** inhibiting her volume control. Cash glanced around and saw the smokers outside their favorite bar staring at them as Amy yelled. "Your girlfriend deserves to know what a catch you are! Cash here," she said, turning to Jess, "is literally the nicest guy ever. Smart, funny, cute - the whole package!"

Jess nodded slowly, confusion evident on her face.

"But," Amy continued her voice dropping to a whisper, "I just couldn't get past the tiny dick situation, y’know?"

Cash looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Jess's eyes went wide with shock.

"I mean, you know what I’m talking about! I’m impressed you can get past it! It was so seriously small. Like, blink-and-you'll-miss-it small, like a toddler" Amy giggled. "I tried, I really did. But a girl has needs, right? Well, some of us I guess."

"Amy!" Cash hissed, mortified.

Jess couldn't help but let out a surprised laugh. "Oh wow, um…I'm so sorry but I'm not his girlfriend. I'm just his roommate."

Amy's mouth fell open in horror as realization slowly washed over her face. "Oh…Oh shit. Oh no. I am so sorry, I just assumed..." She clapped a hand over her mouth, looking genuinely remorseful despite her **** state.

Cash stood there, frozen in humiliation, as Jess tried to stifle her giggles. The awkward silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity.

“Well,” Amy said suddenly, “I guess the cats out of the bag now! He has the smallest dick, like I’m not joking, it is seriously like a baby dick, I mean I work at a daycare and I’ve changed a ton of diapers and some of those babies were packing more than Cash here!” She was shouting again and she burst into laughter.

“Oh wow…” Jess said. She gave Cash a glance then continued. “I’m sure it’s not that small.”

“It is! I could only use two fingers to jerk him off!” She began to make a gesture with her index finger and thumb, moving it up and down rhythmically about an inch up and down. She giggled again, then burst into laughter.

“We should get going…” Cash said.

“Oh sure, sure.” Amy giggled again. “Gosh, honestly it was the cutest little dick I’ve ever seen. Sometimes I miss playing with it. Though I don’t miss fucking it. Couldn’t feel a thing.” She turned towards Jess. “Can you feel it? Oh wait…you’re not screwing.” She let out a laugh, then stepped over and gave me a big hug. “We should meet for coffee soon and catch up!” Then she leaned up and whispered. “Sorry for spilling your big secret, I haven’t told anyone else and don’t worry, I never will.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then she strolled off leaving me and Jess standing there in awkward silence.

“Um…wow.” Jess said finally.

“Yeah…sorry about that. Let’s get going, I need a beer after that.” Cash said.

“Oh sure.” Jess said. She was still smiling slightly.