DC vs Marvel

"Wakey, wakey!!" a high pitched voice forces it way into the blackness that has engulfed your mind "This ain't no time to be sleeping on the job"

You feel a hand strike you hard across the face, once, twice. You shake your head trying to clear the cobwebs and open your eyes but still you're having trouble focusing. All you can make out is a very blurred image.

"Oh geez" the disembodied voice continues "How are ya gonna be any use to me if you can't function properly"

SMACK!

The hand strikes you again, this time rocking your brain, which feels about 10 times to big for your skull, with such a that everything seems to snap back into view.

"HOLY SHIT!!!" you yell as you look, jump to your feet and back yourself against the nearest wall "You...your..."

"That's right sweetie, it's little old me"

You're staring at Harley Quinn, The Princess of Crime and all around psychopath.

"Oh godoh godoh god!" you start to panic "Are you going to kill me?"

Harley tilts her head to one side as if she's mulling over the question.

"Hmmmmm...nah" she replies "I mean, if I was gonna kill you I'd have done it by now wouldn't I?"

"Well, okay" you say cautiously "if you're not going to kill me then what do you want?"

"That" Harley smiles, placing her hands on her hips and pushing her chest towards you "Is the million dollar question, now isn't it"

You may be in fear of your life but that doesn't stop you from checking her out. Her perfect figure and amazing breasts seem as if they're poured into that black and red leather outfit she's wearing and as your eyes take a moment to drink it all in you feel a rush of blood to your groin.

"Ah ha ha" Harley scolds you, waving a finger in your face as if you're some naughty child "Momma needs your undivided attention to the matter in hand"

"S..s..sorry" you stammer

"That's better" she begins "Well it seems that we have a problem. About 4 hours ago everything kinda went KABLAMO"

"Kablamo?" you ask

"Yes" Harley whispers leaning in close to "KABLAMO!!!!"

You jump back and bang you head on the wall you've backed yourself up against as Harley yells the word straight into your face.

"HA!!!" she laughs "You're funny kid, we're gonna get on just fine.So..where was I?...Ah yes...KABLAMO!!! Well, I was out and about borrowing some items for my sweetie Mistah J when I accidentally bumped into Robin and what do you know, the little brat's not happy with my shopping spree. Claims I was breaking the law by taking things without paying, as if I had no intention of returning them, can you believe the nerve of that kid?"

"Er...no?" you offer hopefully

"Darn straight" Harley continues "So anyway, we get into it and I'm just about to lay a whupping on the Bird Boy when all of a sudden.."

"Kablamo?" you say

"Kablamo" Harley repeats "And he was gone, just like that. Well at first I thought that he'd just split, due to the can of whoop I had opened upon him, but as I looked around I noticed that there wasn't a single guy left anywhere" Her eyes start to mist over "So I rushed back to Mistah J only to find that he and all the boys had vanished. I spent about 3 hours looking for them, checking all over Gotham but there was no sign of anybody. No Mistah J, No Harvey, No Batman and The Boy Blunder, everyone's just disappeared"

"Oh crap!" you exclaim "There's no Batman?"

"Didn't I just say that knuckle-head?" Harley says slapping you hard across the face again "Focus here...jeez...Anyhow, where losing the Bat wouldn't be that much of a big deal, losing Mistah J is so I decide to find the source of this problem and beat the hell out of it. Too be honest I had no idea where to start looking but I asked around and heard there was this bunch of floozies that had appeared suddenly after the KABLAMO episode and was on my way to see if i could find one who might know what was going on when I happened across this alley and found you ."

"Hang on" you say shaking your head, trying to clear the last of the cobwebs "The last thing I remember was I'd just finished my shift at the docks and was on my way home. I stopped off at Mickey's for a couple of drinks and then..."

"And then nothing?" Harley ask's

"Yeah" you reply "Then nothing"

"And yet here you are "Harley looks at you inquisitively "When every other man seems to have vanished"

"Wait" you say "Every male's gone?"

"Yup, in a puff of smoke so to speak" Harley replies "It's all over the news, no fella left in the whole world. Instead we have this bunch of skank's that appeared out of nowhere, all hero and villainy like and they brought a mass of shit with them."

"Shit?" you question "What do you mean?"

"Well, seems our little world got a hell of a lot bigger when these hoochies showed up. Seems they decided they were coming for a visit and packed everything including the kitchen sink. Buildings have sprung up where there weren't buildings before, land masses have erupted out of the ground, evil lairs have appeared in the strangest places" Harley's voice drops to a whisper "If you ask me I don't think they intend on leaving anytime soon"

"So, what do you want me to do about it?" you say.

"Well" Harley grins "You're going to help me find out who's responsible and when we do we're gonna lay the smackdown on them. POW!!BING!!!BASH!!" Harley starts jumping around shadow boxing with herself.

"But how?" you say almost pleading "I'm no-one. I'm no Batman or Nightwing. I'm just an average schmuck who works at the docks and pays his bills. I'm ok in a fight against normal people but against Super Heroes and Villains, I'm gonna get killed"

"Hmmm" Harley says, freezing on the spot half way through an Ali shuffle "You might have a point there."
She seems lost in though for a few moments.

"I GOT IT!" she squeals, clapping her hands together and jumping up and down on the spot "I'll teach you how to fight, that way you can be a contender, like me"