Clothing Collateral
An Unorthodox Mortgage
Chapter 1
by 
jw_wjw
Sarah was stoked at the house she got. She was fresh out of college, and was able to score a three-bedroom for 200.
She was worried, however, that the real estate bubble might pop and leave her underwater. She asked the bank for an assumable mortgage, but they declined in light of her rather low down payment. In her desperation to avoid jingle mail, she blurted out a suggestion that would change her life forever.
"How about I mortgage my clothes instead of the house," she suggested.
"Uhhh, I don't know about that," the teller stammered, "I don't think that outfit of yours is worth very much."
"No, I mean all my clothes," Sarah replied, "both right now and for the next 30 years. I'm sure my right to wear clothing should be worth quite a lot!"
"You mean the bank could take all of your clothes if you default? I'm not so sure about that, let me get my manager," the teller rose to go the manager's office.
The teller thought he could hear a snort from the manager's office and saw what looked like a purple straw in the manager's hand.
"Uhh, Goodman, this lady wants to get a mortgage and put five percent down. She wanted an assumable but we said no."
"What!?" Goodman replied, clearly irritable, "That's not very sane at all! Tell her she can take her little money and put it in a CD!"
"That's exactly what I said, but then she wanted to use her clothes as collateral instead of the house."
"Is she wearing Gucci, or just taking a line from the crazy woman's playbook?" asked Goodman; the teller didn't understand that particular emphasis.
"No, she means all of her clothes, and her right to wear any for the next 30 years."
"Well god damn! Sign me up for that. Tell her we have a deal! Make sure the interest doesn't go below eight percent, though," Goodman replied in an energetic tone as his eyes dilated. The teller sighed and told her the good news.
"We can take you on your offer; just note that the interest will have to be eight percent," the teller told Sarah.
"Yay!" Sarah proclaimed as the teller printed everything up in writing for Sarah to sign. This was the dawn of a new era for Sarah.