Christian Girls Are Easy

Christian Girls Are Easy

Stephen Pratchett is about to find out that repressed girls are not what they seem.

Chapter 1 by Kvothe25 Kvothe25

My name is Stephen Pratchett, and I am a secret atheist. Why keep that a secret? you may ask. Well, the problem were my parents, and to a certain extent, my two siblings. You see, they were reformed protestants. For those of you who don't know what that means: they were the strictest, fun-hating, sour-faced people on the planet. Fundamentally their beliefs meant that they were born in sin, lived in sin, and died in sin unless God chose them for his magnificent plan. So all they could do was pray, live as purely as possible, and hope with all your might that you don't end up in hell, which was actually extremely likely in that case. So as you can see, dear reader, their God was an asshole.

Now for most of my life, I had believed in that nonsense too. I mean, how could I not? Most of my childhood was spent at home, as my parents didn't dare to send me to a normal primary school. Instead, they taught me the basics of Mathematics, English, History, Geography and Bible Studies from the comforts of our own home. My parents were not bad teachers, and actually did seem to have a lot of knowledge about the world. But of course, this strategy meant I didn't have many friends growing up, and once I was sent to middle school, I didn't know how to behave towards other kids. Luckily, that changed once I went to High-School, where I made my first good friend; Matthew Abercrombie.

Matthew was a lanky boy with a good sense of humor and more wisdom than was good for him. Unlike me, he had a lot of freedom at home, and his parents had even bought him a computer at a young age. They didn't know much about them, and expected him to listen to sermons on "the youtube" as they called it. Instead, he was more interested in the "sermons" of Stephen Fry, Stephen Hawking and Carl Sagen. In the end, he was the one to convert me to their line of thinking, as well as opening up my world to human bioligy,

We spent long afternoons on his computer, looking at all the amazing things withheld from me for all my life until now. We looked at scientific documentaries, played science-fiction and fantasy games, and finally, of course, we looked at pornography. Then late at night, in my own bed, I would mull over the things I had seen or heard that day. Then, when I couldn't sleep, I masturbated to the memories of those extremely graphic images displayed on Matthew's computer screen.

It didn't take long for me to beg my parents for a computer as well. Unfortunately, they did know about computers, and saw the internet as an instrument of Satan. In the end, I convinced them that I really needed one for my studies, and they finally budged. But only under the condition that they would put a filter on the internet. I had but to accept.

A few nights later, my parents arrived with a second-hand laptop. It was very old and very slow, but to me, it was everything I could have dreamt of. The next day, they installed the internet with the filter on it, meaning I could not find any "harmful" websites. Luckily, Matthew knew exactly how to bypass a filter like that, and he helped me work past that problem. Now the world was open to me, and I could finally build my intellect from scratch.

Withing months, I was well versed in all the scientific theories by the great minds of Einstein, Hawkins, Darwin and the like. I also managed to get into video games, movies, good music and the wonderful world of comic books. Of course, and this goes without saying, I could never tell a soul about this but Matthew. If I told anyone else at my high-school - which was very strict protestant institution as well - word might travel back to my parents, and my laptop would be confiscated.

But, as it turned out, I could not keep it a secret to everyone. One night, after I came home from Matthew's place, I found one of my two siblings sitting at my desk, my precious laptop opened in front of her. My younger sister was fourteen years old, and still very much under my parents spell. I don't know how she managed it, but Rachel had somehow looked through all my browser history over the last few months. She sat there, looking horrified as a youtube video played in front of her. Christopher Hitchens giving a reading of his book; "God Is Not Great". When she saw me, she ran out of the room to tell my parents.

I tried to stop her, but it was already too late and I knew it. The next day my parents closed the internet off and confiscated my laptop. I had to listen to their sermons for a whole month, and they made me promise to forget everything I had read on the internet. I promised, but of course they couldn't me to forget. Realizing this, after a while, they came up with a "genius" idea; summer was coming up, which meant six weeks of vacation from school for every kid. As a family, we would spend the whole of those six weeks at a Christian camping ground, together with a bunch of other reformed protestant families.

A Christian camping was basically a bible camp, but you go with the whole family, like a holiday. There were activities for the kids like bible reading, playing christian games and putting on bible plays. Yes, as you can tell, it was very bible heavy, and I was not looking forward to it at all. It meant that there was no way to further my atheist studies, and had to listen to cult-like propaganda for six weeks, with all the other bible-crazy kids. This holiday, in short, would be hell I thought.

How wrong I was...

Author's Note: I want to thank all of you so much for your sweet comments and support! It has motivated me, and made this story so much better than an amateur like me could hope for. For me, this last week has been an immense success as far as the response on this website goes, so thank you very much all of you for reading it! As it stands now, this is one long narrative, but I hope to change that in the coming future. Perhaps I could branch out with different story lines, or different characters, but this is all up to you! Once you get a feel for the story, please feel free to message me or comment, letting me know what you want to read. Of course, writers are also absolutely welcome, adding wonderful branches to this story that I could never hope to think of.

I love you all! - Kvothe25

Off to holiday!

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