Butterfly Effect

It is my birthday and have just turned the big four zero. My life is not what I though that it would be. I found myself unemployed and broke with no one in my life. I’ve been pondering over my life and wonder what life would have been different if I did a few things different. When I walk into the hall closet, a book falls onto my head. I look at the book realize it is a journal that I that I wrote in high school after collection of suicides. The school wanted to know any depression from the rest of the student body.

I slowly scan the book and remember remembering being a bit of a nerd, I would always stutter around them. I was also having slight issue with blackouts during this time. The blackouts sometimes lasted for few minutes while others lasted for whole night. The worse blackouts occurred about the same time after seeing the girls the last time before they committed suicide.

As I scan the title of the first page I can recall the first major blackout. It was following the homecoming dance when I saw Sarah, was a red headed girl, with long legs and had the unofficial title of bad girl of the school. I would often catch her disappearing into the one of the classrooms. The last time that happened, I blacked out for couple of hours. The next day she was found her naked and dead.

The next classmate, I remember was Sandy, Sandy was a bleach blond and was model for blond jokes with huge c-cup tits. The blackout occurred during a prep rally when I saw Sandy and Miss. Svenson disappear. I followed them into the room and then I blackout the next couple of hours. A couple of days later Sandy committed suicide, it was found out that she was violated. It was years later the school discovered that Miss Svenson would take advantage of female students, in the girl's locker room, she is now in prison.

The last blackout occurred at senior ditch day at the beach. Jennifer was snobby rich girl of the school and captain of tennis team and gymnast team. I guess in high school I was bit of stalker, and I had huge crush on her. But who could blame me, she had body that every girl wanted. I can still remember, gazing upon her raven black hair that flowed down her back, and could see her turn around as my eyes gaze upon bluish eyes. My eyes would often linger upon her perfectly olive color skin and her perfectly shaped tits. She was not only gorgeous but had the brains to match it. In matter fact, she was beating me out as Valedictorian that year.

Even though, she had everything, she loved to bully everyone, except her friends. The school had end of the year beach party. She was wearing a black bikini, and I was her target, she spent most of day mocking me. At the end of the party, I blacked out. This blackout lasted for a couple of days, during the time my crush was found dead due to overdose.

As I am reading the notebook and slight pain initiates at my head and next moment I am transported to my childhood town. Then I look at my body and suddenly realize that I am in my last year of high school.