Amazonian Redefined

The first thing you are aware of is the pounding headache. Like a swarm of wasps, with jackhammers, trying to drill into your skull from every direction at once. God, you think to yourself. What happened?

The next thing you are aware of is the sun, shining down through your window and glinting off the collection of bottles on your bedside table. The sour stench of still lingers - on your lips, your clothes, your bed. There are brown stains on your floor which you know will not be easy to wash out later.

Stumbling down the stairs, you manage to reach the bathroom, only tripping over one stray pizza box on the way to the sink. You rifle through the cupboard beneath until you find your prize. The holy grail of all hangovers, InstaClear. With in just a minute of you taking them dry, the haze and pain vanishes, leaving you with the memories of what happened last night.

It was the anniversary of your break up with your girlfriend of five years, made worse by her texting you with the photo of her new girlfriend and your phone happily reminding you of all the memories you'd made together that would never be fixed. It was all your lonely, lesbian ass needed to be pushed over the edge, drowning your sorrows in as much liquor as your cellar held. It was a surprise you hadn't died of poisoning yet.

As you shamble to the kitchen, flicking the kettle on for that hot caffeinated pick-me-up, you spot something out of the corner of your eye. Amongst the chocolate wrappers and shot glasses, is your laptop still flickering with the last of its battery. You freeze. Fuck. It was never a good idea to give you access to the internet. You could only hope nothing too bad came from it...

The doorbell rings.

Suddenly very awake, you give yourself a once-over to see if you at least look presentable. Not in the slightest, but there's nothing you can do about that now, so you just hold your breath and open the door.

Outside is a rather plain looking girl dressed in a black and orange uniform, the logo for Amazon sewed onto her shirt. You sigh. "Yeah? What are you delivering?"

"The package you ordered yesterday, miss," she replies, in a tone that seems far too chipper for any employee being paid minimum wage. "If you would just sign here..."

You do so, and her face brightens. "Fantastic! You have now successfully collected your package! Thank you for buying with Amazon."

"Cool, you can drop it off and go, then." To be honest, the girl's slightly creepy now. You go to shut the door. You'll pick the package up later when you have the mental capacity to deal with what's inside. But before the front door closes, the girl wedges her foot in the way.

"Silly, the package has already been delivered. I'm your package!" With the brief moment of shock that statement brings, she easily slips inside, closing the door behind her. She holds out a hand. "I'm Alicia, your fully-customisable Amazon girlfriend, ready to tend to your every need!"

The next string of words out of your mouth is entirely unintelligible, but Alicia seems to take it as a signal to continue.

"Amazon has worked night and day to bring you the best possible version of me - with your comfort in mind. Now with the release of version 3.0, Amazon girlfriends are entirely customisable. Just give your Amazon girlfriend your name, and she will become able to change at your every whim. So, what is your name?"

It takes a second for you to realise she's asked you a question. "I- I'm Veronica."

"Thank you, Veronica. You have now completed the setup! Continue with the tutorial?"

"Uh, sure?"

She beams at you. "Welcome to the customisation tutorial! Customisation is a brand-new, never-before-seen method that mixes bioengineering, technology and magic! Your Amazon girlfriend comes with a default activation code, that, when spoken aloud, allows you to ask her to change herself in any way - and it works! Default activation code is: Charlie-Hotel-Yankee-Oscar-Alpha. Change activation code?"

"Yeah, I'm never going to remember that," you mutter. "Uh, change activation to... 'Alicia, it's time for a change.' That sounds about right."

"Affirmative, Veronica. You have successfully modified your activation code. Now to try it out. Simply state your activation code, followed by the change you want to occur. Try it now!"

You look at her, a little hesitant. "Are you sure?"

She doesn't answer your question, instead repeating, "Try it now!"

You take this as a positive (?) sign. "Okay then. 'Alicia, it's time for a change.' I want you to drop the whole corporate attitude. Please, no-one talks like that."

The change is instant. Her posture, while still not being anywhere near relaxed, goes from rigid to fluidly excited in a second. She grabs your hands in hers. "Yay, you finished the tutorial! Now I can be your girlfriend properly! You got anymore changes for me?"