"Oh, you have gotta be kidding me..." Jane groaned as she looked around, crowds of men and women cheering as dancers in skimpy outfits twirled on poles to loud music. "All the places I could end up tonight, and I end up at a freaking strip club!"
"Excuse me!"
Jane spun around to be greeted by a muscle bound asari standing behind her.
"Uh, hi." Jane greeted, cheeks flushing red. "I know this probably -"
"Are you one of the dancers?" The Asari snapped. "Because if you are, you're late!"
"Dancers...?"
"Yeah, and what the hell are you supposed to be anyway?" The Asari asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "Some kind of Hula Clown Ballerina? What's your name anyway?!"
"... ... You don't recognize me?" Jane asked, blinking in surprise.
"No. Should I?" The Asari asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "All you humans look alike to me. Now tell me your stage name, or I throw you out!"
"My name's..." Jane began, trying to think up a name. "My name's Kasumi Goto."
"Well, 'Kasumi Goto'..." The Asari said, "You're up in twenty minutes! Not that you plan on leaving much to the imagination with that getup! Are you even wearing underwear under that thing?!"
"Uh..."
"Oh, never mind!" The Asari snapped as she grabbed Jane and led her to the dressing room. "Let's just get you ready!"
"Let go of me!"
"Yell at me, and you're out on your ear for the cops to pick up!" The Asari snapped, "You don't want that, do you?"
Jane groaned, realizing that she was stuck...
"Oriana!"
"Rodriguez!"
Miranda and Jack ran up to the two younger women after the Officer they were talking to took their report and left, Miranda wrapping her arms around the blanket clad Oriana.
"Ori! Are you okay?! What happened?!" Miranda asked.
"Some crazy, naked lunatic tried to steal my skycar!" Oriana explained, "She almost did, but Laura sent her flying several yards and she ran off!"
"Whoa! How far did you launch the creeper, Rodriguez?!" Jack exclaimed, placing her hand on her blanket clad student. However, before the the student could answer, the tattooed woman eyed the underdressed duo and asked, "What the fuck happened to your clothes?"
"Uh..." Rodriguez stammered, "See, when I used my biotics, they flew out of the skycar as -"
"No, no. Don't give me any of that!" Jack stated, "Biotics don't send clothes flying off a body like some Z-Grade erotic humiliation holovid. If they flew out of the skycar -"
"And landed over here!" Ashley shouted as she grabbed the clothes, Liara and Samara looking over the scene.
"Then they must have been already off you." Jack finished, a snarl on her lips. "I swear, if that fuck had anything to -"
"We were making out!"
Jack and Miranda's eyes widened at Oriana's outburst, the younger Lawson sighing. "We... Wanted to save this for after the wedding but... Miranda. Jack. We..." Oriana felt Rodriguez squeeze her hand, "We're dating."
Jack and Miranda merely stood there in shock. Miranda had just opened her mouth, when Ashley interrupted her.
"Uh, Liara!" Ashley shouted, gesturing to a trail of footprints in the dirt next to a blonde wig and Groucho Glasses. "I think I found -"
"Excuse me, Dr. T'Soni, but I do believe I finally tracked down Commander Shepard." EDI spoke from Liara's omnitool. "She's at one of Aria's new clubs just three miles north."
"Oh, goddess..." Liara groaned.
"BAD DOG! BAD DOG! AND VERY, VERY BAD VARREN!" Kasumi shouted as she finally jumped over the fence, having escaped the pack at the cost of a gaping hole in the back of her panties that exposed her butt cheeks. "Ugh! If Shepard doesn't kill me for this, then she better freaking appreciate the hell I'm going through to help her!"
Looking around, Kasumi noticed the strip club across the street: 'AfterLife: Heaven or Hell?'.
"Don't know why she would, but I have a gut feeling that Shepard's in there..."
"Look, this is a misunderstanding!" Jane said as The Asari styled her hair to look like a frizzled clown wig, the only new addition to her wardrobe being a thong that looked more like pieces of tissue paper being held together by dental floss. "I'm not -"
"Talk later! Dance now!" The Asari spat as she led Jane back to one of the stages.
"And now, AfterLife: Heaven or Hell? is pleased to present, in her first and... Truly unique performance... Kasumi Goto!" An announcer yelled into the microphone as The Asari shoved Jane onto the stage.
Jane looked around as the crowd laughed, whistled, and cheered at her appearance. After a minute of Jane standing there, the crowd began to chant one word:
"DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!"
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