vs. Estelle Bright

Day 3 of The 129th Rasheul Great **** Tournament

09:57 AM

They all couldn't keep themselves from gawking.
And I don't blame them!

Once the curtain of smoke retreated, the crowd found themselves staring at a hot chick in a Stars and Stripes bikini carrying a big gun. Not a small gun. I'm talking the size of a bicycle!
You don't get more 'Murica than that!

For that match, fighting wasn't gonna be enough-- I had to fight in style.

My opponent had climbed her way to the top with nothing but a baseball bat hefty enough to be confused with a horse's leg. She was Estelle Bright.
There she stood before me, bright copper-brown hair in long pigtails. Fiery orange top and short skirt under a black body suit that clung to her slender yet curvy frame.

The arena exploded with roars from the surrounding crowd. Even beyond the odd shimmer occasionally emitted from the barrier, after the Wizards fixed it up since yesterday's escapades, I could see the wave of excited faces looking down at us.

She walked towards me, her bat casually slung over her shoulder. She stabbed the ground with her stick when she reached the center of the arena, resting her weight on it as she glared at me with a determined look. She definitely meant business.
Her face broke into a cheerful smile. She reached her arm towards me, giving me the thumbs up.
"Let's both give it our all! Right?" She almost sang in an upbeat voice.
Okay.
That was not where I thought that was going. But of course I gave a thumbs up back, answering her smile eagerly, "Bra, you're on!"

FIGHT!
BAAAM!!!

Ben hardly finished the last syllable, and the muzzle of my gun detonated in a gold then white flash. A grayish green ball soared through the air towards the unsuspecting batter. The metallic studs symmetrically protruding from all over the fragmentation grenade chased each other across the surface as it spun towards Estelle.

She leapt eighteen feet into the air from a kneeling position like it was nothing! With her bat slung over the shoulder, she swung it at the grenade. It connected with a resounding clack, knocking it back towards me.
It embedded itself in the sand upon landing, about one and a half feet from my position. All I could do was look away and shield my face as I was accosted by a hellish fury of my own design.

A deafening blast reverberated across the arena, and I was pelted with a barrage of metal marbles. Luckily I was spared the onslaught of the fragms, but the shockwave was more than enough to rattle my organs, sending me into a delirious daze.
My ears rang and the world kept spinning. I felt my feet stumbling awkwardly somewhere.
I regained my bearings in time to watch Estelle charge at me from beyond the veil of dust, her bat wound behind her head. She closed the distance in a jiffy, launching a devastating swing right at my ribs. I closed my eyes, looking away.

Yes. I'm woman enough to admit that I'll flinch when I see a stick that size heading towards me. If I'm about to be knocked into next Christmas I'd rather not have the front-row seats.
Besides, I knew it wasn't gonna hit me.

A moment before contact I would fly away before it could hit. And just as predicted I could feel myself spinning around and round in a circle. I opened my eyes, seeing the span of the arena mending together in a whirlwind of disorienting shapes and colors while rolling away from my opponent fast.
Seemed like the shell of translucent flubber I covered myself in did its job!

Hey! You didn't think I wore a bathing suit just to show off my goods, bodacious as they may be?
Heck no! I did it to maximize direct contact with the flubber to my skin! My armor will bounce off any blunt strike that comes in contact with it. Just like in the movie! In case you were wondering, that's why I was left unscathed after taking a frag grenade to my face.

Until now I've gotten by taking my opponents out with overwhelming **** before they got a chance to touch me. It was gonna be a new deal with Estelle Bright though. I had to be able to tank one or two thwacks if it came down to it, and get up in one piece after.
The task was left to Drunk Allison. This is the fruit of her labors: A supple, highly elastic gelatinous shell around my body about the thickness of my forearm.

Won't do crap against something like an arrow. Estelle Bright didn't deal with arrows though. She was a Bat Girl! ( no relation )
If there was one thing my flubber armor could take, it was blunt impact. Won't break no matter how hard it's hit. It'll just flex and rebound! Resulting in enormous forces being unleashed.
Just like in that movie! Only it's not green. Look, green might look fun and endearing on the screen, but if you think I'd voluntarily cover myself in a huge lump of snot then you better think again!
No way! If I'm getting into a stars and stripes bikini then the world needs to see!

Of course, it didn't quite cover all my body. My hands and feet were a given, since I did need to move and handle weapons. I simply had to make do with elongated plates over my knuckles.
Didn't have much to protect my face either. Drunk Allison tried a model closing over my head. Guess what? Turns out you can't breathe in that kind of outfit! She nearly suffocated while inside. Not sure exactly how she managed to break out, but man am I glad she did! Else this story would've had an abrupt and tragic end.
So I had to settle with a regular old flubber helmet.
Am I completely invulnerable like this? Nope! But with my hands gripping on to the gun, I shouldn't need to expose my palms. And since she can't strike from below the ground, that leaves the head. But hey, if I know she'll come for my face then guess where I'll block? Even someone like her would struggle against a defense so tailored against her!
This time Drunk Allison had outdone herself!
The only way I'd be able to lose before time runs out would be if I surrendered!
...Goddamnit, Drunk Allison!

"UuuuuUUUUUAAAAuuuuuUUUUUUUAAAAAuuuuuuuhhh!" I felt like a roller coaster launched into space. The world simply couldn't stop spinning!
Tucking in my knees and chin, I managed to shield my exposed parts from touching the ground while rolling.

The ball struck against the barrier and bounced, slowing down to a stop shortly after. I flipped to my feet, staggering a couple of steps ahead before planting my army boots firmly on the ground.
Sure I stopped rolling, but my head kept sping. Still, I could spot my opponent at the center of the arena.
I gained distance. Just as planned.

As I aimed my cannon, the image of Estelle Bright swayed back and forth in my vision as she stormed towards me. Lining my aim like that turned out to be one hell of a challenge! Not only was I dizzy out of my mind, but ideally you want there to be as little discrepancy as possible between what you see with your eyes and where your gun fires. That means aiming from your hips is only a slight improvement from firing behind your back. But because of my flubber, and the shear size of the toy I brought along, I had little choice!
Not that it mattered though. I clicked the switch on my Swiss Army Rifle, which purred delightfully as I aimed it.

You heard me right. I got myself a Swiss Army Rifle! But that doesn't mean it's a rifle used by the Swiss Army! That would be terrible! Those neutral dorks wouldn't even know where to aim it!
...At least according to my notes from Drunk Allison. I'm sure that the Swiss have excellent armed forces equipped to handle threats to their country.

In this case my weapon worked like a Swiss Army Knife; a single tool fit for many different situations. See, turns out making pockets for flubber armor is a bit of a tall order. Anything I bring to the battlefield would have to be in my hands. And whatever I bring in my hands would have to work for any situation I might find myself in.
So what better pick is there than an all-in-one weapon?
In this case for example, I switched its mode from grenade launcher to minigun!

I squeezed the trigger. The muzzle torched with a brilliant light. The loud blast of dozens of rifle shells igniting nearly simultaneously merged into a single drilling sound! I could feel it in my ribs! It was as exhillerating as it was satisfying. And I was grateful I plugged my ears before entering the arena. The storm of bullets swept towards Estelle Bright. She nimbly ducked under the cone of fire with swift evasive steps without slowing down so much as a beat.
But if you think I was gonna make it that easy for her, you're sorely mistaken!

CLICK!
...I'm afraid I was gonna have to. Not even five seconds passed and I ran out of ammunition. That was supposed to be eight-hundred bullets?
I supppose with a firing speed of 10 000 rounds per minute you eat through your ammunition like hotcakes. Guess when making a gun that can do anything you end up with little space for bullets. Even with all her fiddling around with the fabrics of timespace, Drunk Allison couldn't fit more than a single frag grenade.
Once a feature has been used, more likely than not, it'll be done and over for that feature.

The good news is that there's no less than 28 features on this thing! No need to worry about getting bored any time soon!

When I saw her bridge the distance in a jiffy, I turned to shield myself with my arm. I once again found myself bouncing away with reckless abandon!
The next thing I knew I saw her face rolling into view for a moment... Did she run past her own strike!?
Seems that might just be the case, cause I found myself bounced the other way. The G-forces tugged at me in every direction! Plus their grandma!
That doesn't make any sense to ya? Well, chucks! Good luck finding anything that makes sense when flying across the arena like a pinball!

This time the ball skidded on the ground, bouncing intermittently as it sped forward. I could actually tell what was happening around me fairly well when it didn't need to spin to move forward, but my vision swapped between upside-down and right-side up with regular intervals.
Indeed the Bat Girl ran past me with extraordinarily light steps, awaiting me ahead with her bat at ready. With a smile of delirious excitement all too familiar, she struck my flubbery self once more. This time I was sent flying. Literally. As in no I no longer rolled on the ground. I soared through the air like a plunging airplane falling the wrong way.
The flubber struck the barrier, bouncing off it on the way to the top. I looked down at the sea of people gathered on the lectars around the arena like ants.
For just a moment I could feel gravity disappear.
Then I fell. And I kept falling with meteoric speed.
"AAAHHHAAAAHHHHHAAAHHH!!!!" Was that a laugh? Or a cry? Or a scream?
Yes. Yes it was.

The ground closed in on me fast. The flubber around me recevied it softly, cushioning my fall and sending my bouncing up nearly as high as the first time. With speeds that high, and screams that loud, I could only imagine the gradient of volume as I drift away and close in on the audience.
My brain had already accepted that 'balance' and 'orientation' were now alien concepts not applicable to itself. According to my body, that meant the most appropriate standard condition was panic and delerium.

Apart from the Flubber Armor and Swiss Army Rifle, Drunk Allison also prepared a suppository meant to clear my bowels. It goes without saying I was **** about it to say the least. Especially considering she didn't provide any explanation in her notes.
But guess what? I swallowed my proud and went throgh with it! And oh boy am I glad I did! I mean, 'red, white and blue and brown' isn't really anything that rolls off the tongue.

When I fell that time, I found myself on a collision course with Bat Girl and her girly bat.
Once again a swing and a hit! I flew like a rocket, not up this time but away. Towards the edge of the arena. I bounced off the shimmering barrier, and the next thing I knew I was heading towards her again! She wound her bat... Again!

No. No more of that. I had enough. I clicked my gun, setting it to the good old Kalashnikov and squeezed the trigger.
Rapid fire spewed out in every direction as I spun around.
She dodged away. I wouldn't be surprised if she could evade those bullets, but for all I cared she just didn't wanna be anywhere near that bullet storm.

CLICK!
I was out of ammo. I clicked the Swiss Army Rifle to the Lewis Gun setting, emptying the clip for that too.
CLICK!
I bounced on the ground, the spinning slowing down as she ran towards me once again.
I switched to the M-50!
Pelting her with a tornado of bullets, I made her dodge away once more. Until I emptied the clip.
CLICK!
The Vicker Gun!
I emptied the clip in no time. She didn't get near me.

I went through all the automatic weapons in my arsenal keeping her away. The spinning worked in my favor! Nowhere near me was safe for her. I kept the distance between us long enough for my ball to slow down, finding myself wiggling on my back like a turtle.
Now, let me clarify that I know what dizzy feels like. I've got no problem recognizing a disorienting experience when it's happening to me. And believe me, being tossed around like a rubber ball by Bat Girl takes the prize.
You never really have any idea how dizzy you actually are until your feet are back on the ground though. After all, it's impossible to tell how high up you are if you're in space and can't see the Earth. You gotta have some kinda context for what passes as normal to really appreciate how fucked up the flipper machine experience really is.
So it should come as no surprise that I laughed uproariously the moment I came to a stop.

Sure, not the most appropriate reaction at the time. I think that trip was way beyond anything appropriate though. That reaction kind of suited me though.
I managed to flip myself back to my feet, stumbling forward. Although my legs felt like spaghetti, my Flubber Armor made sure I wouldn't collapse. Even after everything I went through, that was probably the most curious experience. It felt like my body wanted nothing more than to splatter on the floor, but the Earth under my feet wouldn't let me.

A shadow swept over me. I looked up to see none other than Estelle Bright charging at me from above, club raised over her head.
I switched my Swiss Army Rifle to the shotgun scatter setting and unleashed a barrage of pellets.
She couldn't have dodged when airborne. Nor could I've missed. Not all shots. Not with that spread. She must've been made of tougher stuff though, since she could simply shrug off each salvo. She closed in towards my head with reckless abandon.

Took her long enough to figure out my weak spots.
I'm nothing if not someone who can think on her feet though. I simply turned around, dropping to my stomach and presenting my rear as a makeshift shield.
I felt her bounce off my gelatinous ass. Peering over my shoulder, I saw her back-flipping to her feet and dash towards me without missing a beat.
I tried lining up my shot, but she ran in unpredictable angles to flank me.
Before I could get a clear shot, she already closed in, reaching under the flubber to grab my wrist.

She didn't use her bat.
She grabbed me instead.
She was going for a grapple.
Makes sense. The bat didn't work directly. So she was gonna keep me in line and bash my head in at her leisure.
But she made a mistake.
Grappling... That's actually something I could do!

My instincts took over. I slipped my feet back, and with the flick of my hips I tossed her to the ground in a classic judo throw!
You thought you could peg me down as nothing but a bright brain and a cute ass wrapped in a Star Spangled Banner?
Tough luck! I can actually hold my own in judo as well! Nowhere near well enough to win the match, but hey! A black belt is something! No matter how strong she is, I can still use her own strength against her!

I clicked the Swiss Army Rifle to the shotgun setting. This time for slugs.
The muzzle hovered at her face, and I squeezed the trigger.

BOOOM!

The shot left a crater in the sand where she was a moment ago. Bat Girl had let go of me, leaping away to safety. She charged at me once again.
I switched setting on my Swiss Army Rifle again. This time engulfing her side of the arena with a beam of fire. She kept her distance. Maybe she could take a flamethrower to the face. I doubt her club would fare that well though. If there's one thing that still would make sense in this crazy world, it's that wood burns.

When the flame settled, and the brilliance from the fire dimmed, only wisps of smoke lingered in the air along with the stench of burned diesel.
Estelle bright stabbed the ground with her bat, leaning on it casually.
She laughed boisterously, "Oh, heavens! You go girl! Never before have I had this much fun fighting someone! But I need to know... What're you like when you're serious? It's been fun for sure, but... You're not gonna win unless you bring your A-Game."
I blinked, "You know, people always talks about 'serious' as if that means doing better than whatever its opposite is. That's not how I look at it. 'Serious' mostly seems to get in the way of me doing all that I can do!"
"Oh, I get that! But really, you don't need to do all that you can do, right? All you gotta do is what you gotta do! Go ahead! Now's your chance to do it!"

...Goddamnit! I really love that woman!
Which is why I couldn't let her win.
If there was even a sliver of a chance the winner of that match would be up against Snake Lady, it was worth sparing Bat Girl the risk of total submission.
Her progress in the Tournament would end there.
I smirked at her, giving her the same delerious smile she afforded me earlier, "Sure thing. I'll show you what stuff I'm made of all right!"
I clicked the lever on my Swiss Army Rifle, then clicked it again.
And again.

I was running out of options anyhow. Guess it was about time for the finale. I switched that baby up to the highest setting. The cream of the crop.
The Swiss Army Rifle hummed harmonically as prepped itself for its ultimate performance.
Cause that situation called for the Rail Gun Setting!