tv interview

"And we're live in five... four... three..." The stage lights flare up, warm and bright, making my blonde hair glow like actual spun gold. I smooth down my dress it's this shimmering silver number that's more 'metallic bikini' than 'evening gown' and flash my practiced, empty headed smile at the camera.

"Welcome back to Midnight Desires," the host says, a handsome guy with shoulders broad enough to block out the sun. "Tonight, we have a very special guest. She's an icon, a philanthropist, and a true champion for female fulfillment. Please welcome, Sidney Sweeney!"

The studio audience mostly dudes and a few very pretty, very drooling female assistants erupts in cheers. I wave like a princess, feeling the familiar, pleasant hum of attention washing over me.

"Thanks for having me, sweetie!" I giggle, settling onto the plush velvet couch. I make sure to cross my legs in just the right way so the slit in my dress shows off my thighs. "It's so good to be here!"

"Now, Sidney," the host leans forward, his eyes scanning my cleavage with obvious appreciation. "You've become famous for something quite revolutionary. You've been working extensively with the lesbian community, helping them navigate what some might call... a difficult transition. How would you describe your mission?"

I sigh dramatically, putting on my best 'concerned bestie' face. "Honestly? It's heartbreaking, really. I see these girls out there so pretty, so talented but they're walking around like zombies. They're starving, they're irritable, and they're trying to convince themselves that they don't need what every other woman needs. It's like watching someone try to live without breathing. It's just... sad."

"And what do you mean by 'starving'?" the host asks, leaning in closer.

"I mean their souls are empty because their cunts are empty!" I chirp, not missing a beat. "A lot of these girls think that being a lesbian means rejecting men. But that's a huge misunderstanding! Being a lesbian means you have a partner to share the experience with. My mission is to show them that accepting their nature as spermivores doesn't take away their love it enhances it. When you stop fighting your biology and start embracing your need to be filled, you become the best version of yourself. A happy, plump, blissfully dumb version."

"Some critics say you're... well, encouraging bimbofication," the host prods with a smirk.

I let out a melodic laugh, tossing my hair. "Oh mygosh, 'criticism' is such a big word for such a small concept! I prefer to call it 'optimization.' Why would anyone want to carry around all that stress and complicated thought? When you let go of all that useless brain tissue, you open up so much space for pleasure! My 'Salvation' program isn't about taking anything away it's about giving them the gift of being completely, unapologetically useful."

I lean forward, my voice dropping to a sultry whisper. "When a girl finally accepts that she was made to be a vessel for a man's blessings, she doesn't become 'less.' She becomes more. She becomes a happy little fuckhole with nothing to worry about except when her next meal is coming."

The host nods approvingly, his hand brushing mine on the couch. "Inspirational. Truly. And what's next for you, Sidney?"

"Well," I wink at the camera, "I'm actually heading to a private feeding session right after this. I've got a few more 'lost souls' waiting for their first taste of salvation, and I wouldn't want to keep them waiting. After all... a hungry girl is a sad girl."