You are Max: Son of a Unorthadox Family.

The year is 20XX. The place is Dunwitch, California. The person is Max Vegas. This is now you.

You are an average North-American teenager. (18 years old if you're looking for specifics.) You have friends. You have hobbies. And of course, you have a family. You have a mother, A step-mother and a big sister. You assume that you have a father somewhere. You never met him and Mom has never told you anything about him. Talia (the aforementioned step-mom) once told you that he was "some magical motherfucker that came into our lives, plowed your mom a total of two times and then vanished." She's never been one for talking bullshit. For as long as you can remember, you've been a solitary regular male in a house full of weird art-house lesbians. I mean, no one has really made fun of you for it but it's still a little demasculating sometimes.

Your Mom's name is Mandy. If you have to be honest, your Mom is the hottest woman that you have ever met in your entire life. That's only 75% exaggeration. First of all: She's stacked like a brick shithouse. Nice tits, great ass and a exercise regime you could bounce a coin off of. Second: She's a ginger. You're not. Not really sure how that worked out. It's as attractive as it is confusing. Third: She bakes cookies. You like to think of this as an "emotional hotness." She was a great person to grow up with.

As previously mentioned, your step-mom's name is Talia. She's is in a different but somehow equal class of hotness. She is something science has dubbed "a punk chick." Short dark hair, primarily leather wardrobe and a mostly negative world-view. She plays bass in a house band for a club for goth people. She's taken you there a few times and it seriously looks like the opening to Blade sometimes. But in an ironic twist, she somehow turned out to be a great mom despite all signs pointing to that being un-true. She was also a great person to grow up with.

Lastly, your sister's named Zoey. The only thing anyone has to know about is that last year she went off to college as a judgy, straight edged honor student with a boyfriend and came back as a pop-culture referencing film major with five ex-girlfriends. In the span of a single semester, she somehow became nerd-cool. Good for her. If you're being honest, she only recently became a great person to grow up with.

And then there's you. Max. You aren't as interesting as the rest of your family. You like movies. You have a few friends who also like movies. They can get you into parties and you can them into Talia's club. You all are pretty tight. You've had crushes on all parts of the gender spectrum but you've never had any romantic partners to call your own. Hell, you're still a virgin! But sometimes you think that's all going to change any day now.

Are you right? Let's find out together, shall we?