Woman, Lesbian

You're standing in a crystal palace and you're wearing pajama pants and a ratty, pizza-stained t-shirt. If that doesn't say you're a god you don't know what does.

The walls and ceiling glow with a strangely soothing blue light. The massive bed you laid on last night feels like someone skinned a dozen angels for the ultimate softness experience. When you were introduced to your new palace yesterday, the guy showing you around apologized profusely giving you a home that was so obviously beneath your divine standards, but it was the best they could find on short notice and oh for the love of you please don't kill him he has a family.

You tried to get some sleep last night. You failed. You couldn't stop thinking about how much everything had changed in the past twenty-four hours. You're in Middle-Earth or something, except all the ladies look like they walked out of your high school wet dreams. Everyone wants you as their god-queen and you're being worshipped by more people than you could ever hope to meet. And you keep asking yourself the same question every con artist has asked at least once: how much longer can I keep this up?

The ornate door opens a crack and a fearful brown eye peeks inside. "You can come in now," you say.

A pointy-eared, olive-skinned maiden with a red ponytail walks in and bows down before you so fast she headbutts the floor. "Oh radiant sunbeam of our world! Source of all that is good and just in the song of creation!"

"That's, uh, that's real flattering-"

"Queen of all queens! Hero of all heroes! No storm could equal your might and no lover could match your potency!"

"-laying it on a little thick here-"

"I am but an insignificant mote unworthy to even enter your divine service! I am-"

OK, that's enough of that. You kneel down and cup her chin, somewhat taken aback by how warm it feels. You lift her face until she's looking directly into your eyes like a sexy deer in the headlights. "Hey, hey. Calm down. I don't need all this pomp and circumstance right now. I promise you, I am not gonna roast you alive with heat vision or whatever if you're not formal with me. So why don't you just stand up, tell me your name, and what you came here to do?"

She's gobsmacked, either because she's overwhelmed by your presence or what you just said. Probably both, actually. "My...my name is not worthy to cross your lips..."

"I can be the judge of that. Now why don't you introduce yourself?" You give her what you hope is a reassuring smile.

It looks like it worked. You take her by the hand and help her stand up. Now that you've got a better look at her, she's got a sort of "girl-next-door" vibe. She's got eyes like a doe, delicate features, a practical but sharp serving outfit - pointy ears aside, she kind of reminds you of Cinderella before meeting the Fairy Godmother. And she's got a great rack and powerful thighs you could lose yourself in - no, focus, focus!

"I am...Mina, your Radiance. I am but a humble servant, here to assist you in any way you require. I have served many royals all my life - though none as wondrous and beautiful as you! I am trained to act as a steward, maid, cook, interpreter, masseuse, advisor, concubine, accountant-"

"That's a lot of jobs for one person," you say, trying not to think how someone this cute would probably rip off her clothes if you asked. "Aren't there other people here who could handle that for you?"

"Forgive us your Radiance, but I am afraid this palace is a bit...understaffed. Our nations are still reeling from your arrival, and we did not wish to make any kind of decision without consulting you first. We want to satisfy you in every way possible. So we...agreed...to wait until you had woken up before asking who you want to serve you and how you wish to rule us."

Translation: they were too scared of you to ask basic questions, so Mina's basically been running your new digs by herself. Great.

You run a hand through your hair, trying not to let this get to you. "OK...how many people are in this place? And are there any governmenty people I need to talk to get things running? And while we're at it-"

You pause. A new train of thought just arrived at the station.

"Wait, I'm sorry, what was that thing you said about concubines?"