With a Bow

Gary bowed.

“I accept Princess.”

She gives a clap of girlish glee. “Wonderful! Bob, have the scribe give him the title of Minister of Magic, the treasurer should pay him the standard three silvers a week. Then send him on his way. They need an expert at the dig!”

Bob bowed. “Yes, Princess. Follow me, please, Gary.”

Gary followed him out.

“Gary, I’m going to take you to the stables. While you’re at the dig, I’ll set you up with salary, a room, and your title.”

Gary walked into a stable. Curiously, every horse was white.

“What’s with all the white horses?”

Bob laughed. “You’re quite a jokester. All horses are white, they don’t come in colors. Can you imagine a blue horse? I’m guessing, since you don’t know a lot about horses, we should probably give you Betsy. She’s pretty calm and tame.”

Gary gritted his teeth at the insult. However, Bob wasn’t wrong, his experience with horses was rather limited.

“Thank you, Bob.”

“Here’s a map of where the dig is. It should be about a three hour ride, that way.”

Gary hopped on the horse and it began to trot. Soon he was headed down the road towards an archeological dig, while pondering how long this **** induced hallucination was going to last.

Gary admired the uniformly bright green grass and grace of the grazing unicorns. One paused from eating and actually pooped rainbow cotton candy.

Gary shook his head and continued on. Three hours later he arrived at the dig. Two men were sitting in a ditch next to a dirty skull. One was short, rather hairy, and wearing a green pastel suit. The other man was tall, thin, and wore a purple pastel suit, with a lavender bow tie.

Gary dismounted, amazed by how sore he was. He slowly sauntered over to the two men.

“Demon skull.”

“Elf skull.”

“Clearly demon skull.”

“Hello?”

“You must be the new Minister of Magic? Perhaps you can settle our argument. Peter says this is a Elf skull. I say poppycock it’s a demon skull.”

The other man looked at Gary. “What does he know, he used to be a construction worker before the Princess made him Minister of Archaeology.”

“Seriously William? You used to be a cobbler before being Minister of Old Timey Things.”

Gary looked at the skull perplexed. “Why does it have to be an elf or a demon?”

William grinned. “Because this was the site of the final battle between elves and demons. The elves killed the last demon here, making our world forever perfect!”

“Oh, I suppose that makes it more likely to be an elf or demon. I could take it to my tent and attempt to divine the truth.”

Gary had no idea how to actually do that, but it beat listening to these two argue.

“Well…”