Why is this woman naked, anyway?

After the horses were hitched up, the three under-dressed ladies sat on the front of the wagon, squeezed in on the single seat out in the open. Thurkla and Morgala would have preferred to sit inside the wagon, but their driver insisted on keeping a watchful eye on them to make sure they didn't take anything. Not that there was much to take, but the life of a bounty hunter was a paranoid one.

As the three mostly naked woman squished and squirmed in the seat that was made to fit two people at most, Thurkla tried to think of something to break the obvious tension between them. "So... what's your name?"

Without taking her eyes off of the road, the bounty hunter replied. "My clothes."

Thurkla looked back, confused. "Wait, your name is your clothes? So it's, like, apron and hat?"

"No, not 'Urkloths,' it's 'Mikloths.' M-I-K-L-O-T-H-S"

"Oh... is that a first name, or..."

The bounty hunter looked at Thurkla bewildered. "You mean you've never heard of the great Takoff Mikloths?" Thurkla held a hand to her lips, trying to suppress a giggle. "What's so funny?" Takoff raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, uh, nothing. I've just never heard that name before." Thurkla said, steadying her breathing to avoid laughing out loud.

"That's surprising. I've been in the bounty hunting game for a while. You guys must have really been on the straight and narrow until now." Takoff turned back to the road. "Still, you must not get out much if you've never heard of the dwarven Mikloths clan."

Takoff heard a snicker to her left and shot a stink eye at Morgala, who had turned her back and was quietly giggling into her hand. " Something amusing?"

Morgala shot up, trying to hold back her smile. "Oh, no, it's just... is your name really 'Take off my clothes'?"

"What's so funny about that? Takoff Mikloths is a noble name in my family, stretching back generations to my ancestor, Lostal Mikloths." Both of her passengers started snickering again, to her bewilderment. As she looked back and forth between them, her face going red with anger. "Okay, what is it? Why are you laughing?"

Thurkla was the first to answer. "I'm sorry, it's just-"

"It's a very fitting name for you, considering..." Morgala gestured to the seat of the carriage and Takoff's exposed rear end.

The deep red of Takoff's blush instantly changed to an embarrassed pink. "That's completely unrelated! And my name isn't something to laugh at. It's a great warrior name and you would do well to respect me, Takoff Mikloths." At this, both Morgala and Thurkla couldn't contain themselves anymore, and started laughing out loud, clutching their bellies as Takoff's face sank with seething rage. "I... you... you're naked, shut up!"

As the two ladies calmed down from their laughing fit, Morgala placed a hand on the dwarf's shoulder. "We're sorry. It's really not funny. But we've had a rough few days, so we'll take any opportunity to laugh that we can." Thurkla nodded in agreement, still wiping tears from her eyes.

"Yeah, sure." Takoff grumbled, not forgiving them in the slightest. "That does make me wonder, though, how did you two wind up fucking on the side of the road without any clothes?"

Now it was the couple's turn to blush. Morgala started rubbing the back of her head, nervously. "It's kind of a long story, I'm sure you don't want to hear it."

"We've got plenty of time to kill, and after your little fit of hysterics, I think I would really enjoy hearing all about your humiliating journey."

Morgala started sweating, not wanting to recount her ridiculous naked adventures of the past few days, but as she looked at the barely-covered bounty hunter, a morbid curiosity dawned inside her. "Alright, I'll share, but you have to share your story, too?"

"What story?"

"The story of why I can see your ass cheeks right now."

Takoff glared at the elf, but begridgingly reached out her hand. "Fine, but you first."

Morgala shook the outstretched hand and regailed the bounty hunter with her terrible vacation, from losing her luggage and clothes to the weather, to trading away her underwear to pay for a bath, to getting robbed of her and Thurkla's clothes while they slept, before finally their journey into and out of the forest. She conveniently left out some of the more shameful elements of the journey, sticking only to her and Thurkla's misfortunes. By the end of her story, Takoff was smiling ear-to-ear, evidently immensely satisfied with herself. "Wow, you two really are magnets for bad luck, aren't you?"

"We've had some setbacks, yes. But we're getting back on our feet." Thurkla looked down at her bare feet, wishing she at least had some shoes while she did that.

"Clearly. Traveling the mountains naked is definitely something you do to turn your life around."

"Hey, we told our story. Now it's your turn to spill." Morgala remarked, eager to move past her and her partner's misfortune.

Takoff just laughed. "You know, I was nervous before, but after hearing your story, at least I didn't fuck up to that degree.

"It's a short story. I was on a job, had just finished bringing in another merchant who had run off without paying his debts, so I decided to take a breather on the way home and relax. Fortunately, there was a wild hot spring nearby for me to lounge in, so I stripped down to my hat and let myself sink into the relaxing pool."

"You bathed with your hat on?"

"I keep this hat with me everywhere. It's as important to me as my life. Anyway, while I wasn't looking, this little fairy brat snatched away my finest garments and flew away into the woods. I'm a good tracker, but even I couldn't run off after them completely naked. They at least left me my boots, but there was no way I was going back to work without anything else. The rest of my clothes were at home, so I had to improvise."

"So how'd you get the apron?"

"It's mine. I bring it with me on jobs to use while I repair my tools. Of course, I never usually wear it this long, so it's getting a little worn out. Fortunately, now that I've been paid for bringing you two in, I'll be able to buy myself some new clothes in the next town before my next job."

Of course, life is never that simple, as anyone reading this story would know, and Takoff would soon learn that the hard way.