When The World Comes Down

After a few more stumbles (and falls), John made it back to his apartment. It took some convincing to get his mom to put just his name on the lease, but he was glad he did. Assuming he passed the trials tomorrow, he wouldn’t need this apartment anymore. I already paid the first and last month’s rent… though my landlord probably wasn’t expecting my first month to be my last month. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get my deposit back, since I did accidentally destroy half the wall with Fist in my sleep. We hired a carpenter to fix it, but… well, it’s not like I’m hurting for cash anyway.

He unequipped his duster and opened the roof’s door, slipping down into the top floor. There was no penthouse, so it was filled with apartments just like any other floor. The well-lit, familiar hall was comforting. Even if it had only been home for a month, it was home nonetheless. He walked down the carpeted hall until he came to his apartment, marked 6C. Here goes.

“Jenny?” John called, walking into the apartment. He turned on the lights, figuring that that wasn’t a good sign. I probably should have checked Keith’s first. His nerves bubbled up as he swept his eyes over the den, seeing it was empty. He checked both bathrooms, but these too were empty. Upon turning the lights on in the bedroom, it revealed the same story. “Jenny, are you here?”

He sighed, tense. Walking back out into the living room, he noticed that the window between it and the kitchen was open, the box containing his hat just inside. At least she was here, even if she isn’t now, John thought, walking into the kitchen. There he saw her, her head down, sitting at the table. “Jenny!” John said, rushing over to her side. He was about to hug her when he was interrupted.

“Don’t. Just… don’t.” She struggled to make her voice steady, and John could tell from a glistening streak in the moonlight that she had been crying. “I need to talk to you, John.”

“Alright… let’s talk then.” John flipped the overhead light down and sat at the small glass table across from her. He offered his hand, and she gently placed hers in it, **** back a sob. “I’m sorry. About that achievement. Both those achievements. I had no control over Houndiira’s emotions. I didn’t even know she could bind herself to me. I have no idea what it means.”

“Being balls deep inside her probably didn’t hurt,” Jenny coarsely responded. John had no response to that that wouldn’t start even more of an argument, so he just sat there. Waiting for her to continue. “I’m not being fair. I caused all that.”

“I don’t blame you for anything,” John supplied, trying to be helpful. She raised her head for the first time since he had arrived to stare daggers directly into his eyes, and he knew he messed up.

“What would you blame me for?” she asked, eyes blazing with challenge. “Getting laid? Winning you the race? Saving your ass more times this past month than I can count?” Jenny pressed, hand tightening on his, her nails pressing into him. She slowly drew her hand away.

“That’s not what I meant! I just meant that-” John began but was quickly cut off by Jenny.

“Save it. I don’t want to fight. That’s not really what this is about anyway. I need to say what I need to say,” Jenny cut in, balling her hands into fists. “Seeing the achievement about maxing out your relationship score with her… it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. What you and I have… it’s the most real thing out of any sort of relationship I’ve been in, hands down. I haven’t had a great past with boyfriends, girlfriends, or friends in general. I play the easygoing charismatic girl who can be friendly to everyone, but not having a real family since I was sixteen made it feel like I couldn’t be close to anyone.”

“What about Keith?” John asked. “From what I understand, he took you in after all that happened.”

“He did his best but he hardly even has enough emotions to be close to his wife. He’s as emotional as oatmeal. Even more than that, he still wasn’t my family. Neither of them could understand me, and neither of them were my parents. It was even worse because I moved around so much. It’s hard to be in a friend group with people who have been friends their whole lives.” She paused to breathe and looked up at him. Tears carved two paths down her cheeks as she inhaled deeply and sighed softly.

“Day after day I sunk myself into music written by dead people and it was comforting, and it helped me go out at least, but even that bit me in the ass in the end. Everyone thinks rockstars are cool, but people totally put them on a pedestal! Nobody actually knows them! All I was doing was making things worse for myself. I couldn’t help it. After that I started using sex to try to recreate that feeling of closeness with people, and it was a hollow version of it at best.” She slowly unclenched her fist, looking out the window.

“Then you came along. When I first saw you on that park bench, I didn’t think much about you. I think we both know there was no ‘love at first sight’ going on there. Then things got complicated fast. We connected. You made me feel like I could be close to people again. Everything that’s happened between us in one month - hell, in one week. It was exhilarating. I was happy. Seeing that achievement… I wanted that to be me! It’s not fair that someone else got to be so close to you so quickly! She hasn’t even been through a fraction of what we’ve been through. When I saw that achievement, I didn’t see what you and her had. I saw what you and I didn’t,” Jenny finished explaining, looking away from the window and directly into his eyes.

I love you… words he’d never truly said to anyone, save for his parents. Three simple words that could change two lives forever. Now more than ever was the time to say them. He knew this, and he wanted to take the leap desperately. He felt each second - each millisecond - as an hour as the moment slowly passed. He didn’t say it… but looking into his eyes said more than he possibly could.

“I’m not staying with her tonight, Jenny. I’m not packing my things and going to stay with her,” John said, returning her gaze. “I’m staying with you,”

because I love you

“because no matter how much she likes me, I will always like you more. I promise you that. No matter what weird race of Abyssal we have sex with, you will always be the one I go home with. No amount of binding, drugging, or anything else will change that. I’m yours.” He was tearing up when he began, and only through sheer will was he not overcome by sobs halfway through. He got up and hugged her tightly, her head cradling where his neck met his shoulder.